One of the women in the forum was raving (well, actually her husband was raving) about a sexual technique that we detail in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

With the weekend approaching fast, it might be a cool technique that you want to try!

One of the primary ways for a female to DRAMATICALLY increase her sexual pleasure, responsiveness and satisfaction is by exercising and developing her “PC muscle” (pubococcygeus muscle).

These exercises are sometimes referred to as “kegels.”

Increasing the strength of the female PC muscle provides a multitude of POWERFUL sexual results. But, one of the side benefits is that it gives a woman the ability to “squeeze” and “pull” on her husband’s penis, during intercourse.

This can create an UNBELIEVABLY PLEASURABLE sensation for both husband and wife.

If your PC muscle is already strong, try this when you get a chance.

When your husband is inside of you, ask him to stay relatively still and utilize your vaginal walls (and PC muscle) to squeeze, massage and pull on your husband’s penis.

I guarantee he will be thrilled.

If your PC muscles are not quite so strong (happens much after child birth), then you should consider doing PC muscle exercises (as outlined in SSCW) so that you can try this fun activity.

Hello Robert, I praise the Lord there is someone who can give advice for lovemaking in marriage.

I downloaded Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, but I need to know things for my husband’s enjoyment; I wanted to download Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

I have never been able to talk to anyone about this b/c they know my husband, but could you please tell me, IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM? (This is embarrassing, but so very important.)

My husband and I have been married for 27 years, but it makes me feel less of a woman when he wants me to touch him alot there.

This seems to arouse him more than anything else I do.

Please help me understand if this is normal, if I shouldn’t, or if I should, the best ways. I hope you’ll answer.

Thank you and GOD bless you for doing this and keeping it within boundaries to GOD’s glory.

Sincerely,

[removed]

First, an aside…

What other site will you find the phrases “God’s glory” and “IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM?” in the same post? Very few. Come on…admit it…probably only this one!

Back to the question at hand…

First, I don’t like to play along with the “normal” designation. Relative to our sexuality, “normal” shouldn’t be a valid question to ask.

As long as a sexual desire/act does not fall into one of the obviously “prohibited” categories outlined in Scripture, there is no “normal.” One of the wonderful and cool things about our sexuality is how diverse are the possibilities…and needs and desire.

But, that said, it is not unusual for a man to desire anal stimulation.

This is because this area (particularly in men) is, anatomically, a very erogenous zone.

This fact that this area has been designed (by God) to be erogenous is simple…it contains many more “pleasure” receptors (nerve endings) than most other parts of the body.

And, this area contains the male version of the “G Spot,” the prostate.

Below is a diagram of this area…

The prostate is about the size of a walnut and is located just under the bladder, in front of the rectum.

The purpose of the prostate is to lubricate (add semen and other fluids) to the ejaculation process.

But, one of the other primary functions of the prostate is…pleasure.

The concentration of pleasure giving nerve endings surrounding the prostate make it the exact equivalent of the female “G Spot.”

Stimulating the prostate can double or triple the potential pleasure for a man, during sex.

Stimulating the prostate can also help to delay ejaculation!

How do you stimulate the prostate?

There are two basic ways:

1) Externally

You can stimulate the prostate externally by stimulating the area between your husband’s scrotum and anus.

2) Internally

The most effective way to stimulate your husband’s prostate is by directly massaging it.

Yes…this means inserting your finger (or something) into his anus to directly stimulate the prostate.

We discuss prostate stimulation techniques in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

Whaaaaaaaaat?

Yes, if you really want to show your husband intense pleasure, you may want to consider “option 2!”

Why wouldn’t you want to?

1) You think it’s “gross.”

If you don’t like the idea of stimulating his prostate with your fingers, there are a variety of “toys” specifically designed for prostate stimulation. One of the best is called Aneros.

2) You think it’s “gay.”

Well, this is just silly.

I sometimes receive emails from people that think any (male or female) anal stimulation implies some hint of homosexuality. These people usually use logic like, “Gay people do that!”

Well…I hate to break it to ya…but gay people also hold hands, kiss and watch movies together.

The fact that homosexuals may (or may not) do something does not make it “gay.” Having sex with someone of the same sex makes it gay.

3) You think it’s wrong.

Anal play is NOT specifically prohibited ANYWHERE in Scripture.

Most of the Christian “experts” that rail against anal sex (of any sort) usually fall back on the argument that “its just not natural.”

Well…the fact that God PURPOSEFULLY created the female G spot and the male prostate and then surrounded them with a super high number of “pleasure/nerve endings” tells me that utilizing/stimulating these areas is pretty darn…”natural.”

If you think it’s unnatural to stimulate the prostate…you either believe that God created a specific pleasure spot…that you AREN’T supposed to use for pleasure…or that he made a mistake in design.

The male g spot (The “M spot”) is an area that you, as a couple, may want to explore.

Unless, of course, you have too much variety and pleasure in your sex life…and you don’t need any more.

I was married as a Christian last August. My husband and I were not Christians earlier in life and both had previous marriages. Thank goodness at almost forty and as a Christian God blessed me with a wonderful man. So, going into this marriage we decided to do everything right. Marital counseling, blended family classes. Long engagement, and ,of course, absolutely not pre-marital relations.

Needless to say our married life is almost ideal, except for the bedroom. I’m not even sure he totally realizes how disappointed and displeased I am about it. I’m totally afraid of hurting his male ego, by telling him how unsatisfied I am. I’m not sure weather it is fortunate or unfortunate that I did have sexual experiences as a non Christian because now I know how good it is supposed to be. I’ve tried telling him what I like and how God wants us to have pleasure as one, but I believe he just is inexperienced…

How do I tactfully show him your books ( Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife ) or approach a change?

I thought he would notice my reading about it and ask, but he has said nothing. It is literally tearing me up inside whenever we have relations because it is so unsatisfying, but he seems extremely satisfied and unaware.

All of these emails struck me as similar because they all “assumed” that there was some value to “holding back” or not sharing the true feelings/needs of the heart.

This is a devastating assumption.

It is, possibly, the greatest destroyer of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in marriage.

Your marriage can only be improved and helped by moving in the direction of MORE communication…MORE honesty….and MORE sharing of each other’s REAL needs and desires.

I don’t pretend that doing this is always easy. But, it is always the best choice.

It reminds me of a story I read, this weekend in Robert Holden’s book, “Happiness Now:”

A husband and wife, both in their late 70s, decided

that, after 55 years of marriage, it was high time they got a divorce. When their counselor asked them why, the wife issued a catalog of reasons: “He never says he loves me,” said the wife.

“I thought you knew I loved you,” said the husband.

“I thought you knew I loved you,” said the husband.

The wife continued, “He never says I’m beautiful.”

The husband replied, “I look at you every day and admire your beauty.”

We rarely talk,” said the wife.

“I know you like to read a lot,” said the husband.

“I read because we don’t talk,” said the wife.

There was a pause. “And we never go out,” she added.

“I thought you liked to say in,” said the husband.

“I only stay in because I’m waiting to go out,” said the wife.

The counselor continued to take notes.

“He’s also very mean to me,” said the wife.

“In what way?” asked the husband.

“Well, at breakfast, three times a week for 55 years, he has always served me the crust of the loaf, and I hate the bread crust!”

The husband was distraught and wailed, “I give you the crust, my dear, because that is my favorite part of the loaf.”

As you can see, “assume” can make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”
And, it can prevent you from making any real progress or connection in your marriage, as well.

I wasn’t really certain why we needed a 24 hour pharmacy, but after one of our first purchases there, I am a Walgreens fan.

We were there simply to check out the new store opening. But, while there, we spotted a new product from Johnson and Johnson’s KY brand…

“Yours And Mine.”

KY has recently introduced several new “intimacy” products, but NONE as cool and fun as this one.

This product is genius.

It is one of those few “intimacy” products that in both packaging and effect is a “home run.”

It perfectly captures the spirit of what we are trying to promote on this site and in, especially, our latest books, Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples and Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples…sensuality with a sense of fun and excitement.

“Yours and Mine” is a set of two different “intimate lubricants; one for her and one for him.

Each lubricant is in it’s own colored container.

Each lubricant gives a different sensation when it touches skin.

The lettering on the containers glows in the dark.

And, even better…

When the two lubricants are “mixed together” (you figure out the best way to do this!), they create a third, and different, joint sensation!

This product is cool, fun and cheap (less than $20.00) and will provide you and your spouse with many nights of play.

Below is the press release for the product and a video about it. There is a cute little commercial for the product at the end of the video, as well.

K-Y® BRAND YOURS+MINE™
THE FIRST “HIS + HER” INTIMACY PRODUCT FOR COUPLES!
ANOTHER “GLOWING” BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT FROM THE K-Y® BRAND

Skillman, New Jersey (4/28/08) /PRNewswire/ – Today the leader in healthy intimacy, the K-Y® Brand, announced the first intimacy enhancing product for couples — K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™. Knowing it takes two to create a magical encounter, YOURS+MINE™ offers two lubricants with different sensations. One is invigorating for him, the other thrilling for her and together they add up to a totally new experience. Looking to add even more fun? Expose the tubes to light during the day and the words on the vials will glow in the dark, making his “Yours” and her “Mine” easy to find.

“K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ was developed for couples to experience and enjoy together” explains Daniel Weiss, Group Product Director of Personal Care Products. “Through our ongoing conversations with consumers, we have found that couples are consistently looking for ways to enhance their time together. We recognize that it is not just about one partner or the other — it is about the couple.”

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ serves as a catalyst for creating emotional and physical connections between partners because it provides a unique and fun new way for couples to communicate on an intimate level. Both partners will be curious to know what the other is experiencing, providing the perfect scenario for communication.

YOURS+MINE™ is another innovation by K-Y® Brand designed to enhance intimacy between couples. The brand continues to bring innovation to the intimacy market because the importance of touch extends far beyond the bedroom — recent research suggests that couples who have more frequent and more fulfilling intimacy also report having stronger emotional relationships overall. In addition, studies are showing that men and women with satisfying intimate relations report better physical and mental health.

Different Kind of Product, A Different Kind of Look
To reflect the innovative concept behind K-Y® Brand’s dual lubricants, YOURS+MINE™ is encased in modern, sleek packaging. Two separate test tubes house the lubricants: electric blue for him, vibrant purple for her. Both are capped off with easy to dispense tops and housed in a lustrous black box – with silver accents.

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ is available now at drug, food and mass retailers. The suggested retail price is $19.99 for two test tube vials, each 1.5 fl oz.

Go Walgreens and KY!

Mark is the founder and current “Preaching Pastor ” at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Mars Hill is considered one of the new “mega churches” and is unique in that, despite it’s ultra “hip” approach to presentation, its message is very “old school” conservative (can you say ‘Five Points of Calvinism?’).

Several times per month, they have a service in which Driscoll answers questions from the audience (sent via text message).

In the following video, Mark addresses the question, “Is it okay to read books about how to better pleasure my spouse?”

As you would imagine, its a question after my own heart…

In the video, Mark mentions several great resources for those looking for Christian sex advice.

Additionally (hint, hint), you may want to consider Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Enjoy…

We want to encourage our brothers and sisters to make their marriages and lives as good as possible.

We have seen in both our own lives and the lives of our readers TRUE miracles.

We KNOW that God is available to us in ALL areas of our lives.

But…

There is a dangerous and counter-productive (yet popular) idea being propagated by some preachers. It is the idea that our lives (and marriages) SHOULD be perfect in every way. And, if they are not, we are doing something wrong.

There are two problems with this idea:

1) It is not Scriptural.

2) It only heaps additional burdens on our backs. Not only are we struggling…we are embarrassed and ashamed that we are struggling.

In the following video, Mark Driscoll plays a clip from a Joel Osteen sermon and comments on it.

I’m neither a particular fan of Mark Driscoll…nor a particular detractor of Joel Osteen. I see positives and negatives with both. But, I do believe that Mark Driscoll does a good job of dissecting Osteen’s assertion that, as Christians, we are to be constant “winners” with perfect relationships and lives…or something is wrong.

Driscoll’s main point is that if that is what our lives are supposed to look like, Jesus was a pretty bad example.

Jesus did not live the life of a “winner,” filled with health, wealth and perfect relationships.

He was a dirt poor carpenter whose family, friends and neighbors disrespected, hated and, ultimately, killed.

Does this mean that we are destined to live unfulfilling lives of desperation and poverty? No. Not necessarily. But, our ONLY guarantee is that we can rely on God to be with us as we deal with WHATEVER we are meant to face.

And, we can be confident that He will be there for us.

I will be the first to encourage you to NOT allow your struggles to overwhelm you.

Stand back up and fight the battles necessary to change those things in your life that are not currently ideal…knowing that God has your back.

But…

DON’T burden yourself with the UNSCRIPTURAL and UNNECESSARY weight of feeling guilty for your imperfect present state.

If struggle and imperfect circumstances were good enough for Jesus…

Since this email (and my response) deals with questions that we receive quite often, I thought that the exchange might be helpful to many of you…

Dear Robert,

I just purchased & downloaded your “Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband”. I looked through the book, just to get a cursory idea of the content. I found so much of what you wrote, right on target.

I am a 55 year old woman… I began going through menopause around 49-50 and have been on estrogen therapy since. I had my uterus (only) removed when I was 36. About a 10 months ago I decided that I didn’t want to take the estrogen pills (Premarin) any longer. I have always been more on the “dry” side lubrication-wise, but with the onset of menopause I found that sex became increasingly more painful, and that I was being rubbed “raw”, due to the thinning of vaginal tissue, (even with KY lubrication) with pink tinged fluid afterwards. I am way too young still, to give up on having a wonderful & satisfying sex life with my husband. So my doctor recommended that I begin using “Estring” instead for estrogen hormone therapy, which I have done. I have found that the direct release of estrogen in the vagina has vastly improved my vaginal tissue, and my ability to feel pleasure again during sex. It is inserted and pops into place just past the pubic bone, (if you’re familiar with the birth control ring, it works on the same principle).

My questions are…

1) I would really like to try achieving sexual pleasure by G-spot stimulation (as well as improved clitoral stimulation too), but am wondering if having the ring in place will prevent or hinder accessing my G-spot?

2) I am somewhat hesitant in giving your book to my husband, because I don’t want to make him feel inadequate, (he can sometimes be quite sensitive about it). Our sex life, after 20 years, is in need of a major tune-up. Between careers, kids, families, etc., time had become an ever-elusive commodity. And for about the last 5 years or more, most of our lovemaking from foreplay to his ejaculation, lasts anywhere from 5 – 8 minutes.

The part about improperly stimulating your woman made me laugh… because it was describing us to a ‘T’. Even though I have made a point of trying to gently show or tell him what feels good, it hasn’t helped. The funny thing is, he used to know how, and very well as a matter of fact. Any suggestions on how I can bring this up now without ‘offending’ him?

Well that was more than I intended to inquire about, ha ha. I appreciate your reading my email and I hope that you will be able to reply at your earliest convenience.

Thanks for your time,
Diana

Diana,

Whether the ring will affect your ability to reach your G spot depends upon your individual anatomy.

This video (Not Safe For Work) will give you a better idea of where your G Spot is located and the best way to stimulate it.

Most husbands care (very much) if they are properly pleasing their wives in bed.

Sometimes, it is necessary to be as blunt as possible (when all else fails)…”Honey, that is NOT working. Can you try this, please?”

This bluntness, coupled with a willingness to “work together” toward your pleasure will usually achieve wonders.

Robert

For those of you still struggling, I thought you might find a glimmer of hope in this letter.

Like many of the success stories that we receive, there are familiar themes:

1) An initial desperation bordering on loss of hope that their married sex life will ever improve.

2) A faith that God DOES care about (even) their married sex life.

3) A patient and respectful attitude toward their spouse.

4) A surprised and overwhelmingly grateful feeling when a miracle finally happens.

Pray for us this evening. We have really been struggling sexually but, since reading Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For the Christian Wife, my wife claims she has finally seen the light. I got one of those “romantic overnights” at [a nice hotel in the city] for us tonight - yes tonight (Monday). I am taking off tomorrow morning.

I am ready to be her lover and she is ready to be my lover again - just like we were in the beginning but older, wiser and with a deeper of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ through the gift you and Susan have given us because of your faithfulness to the Him.

Amen Amen Amen. We will take it slow and easy.

David,

Thanks for the nice email.

Our prayers are with you tonight.

But, don’t forget…you have many more nights ahead…don’t put too much pressure on either of you.

Robert

We had a lovely, soft, gentle romantic evening. We both had the very best time we have had together in a long time. She was free and open and I was patient, loving and warm. This morning she said she wants to make love to me just like that for 30 straight days just to make sure we make a habit of pouring out our love for each other regularly (I almost fell out of bed). Now that is a good Christian work ethic - hahahahahhahaha.

I have really developed my pc muscle and she said she could feel like I have grow a couple of inches (width and length) - she was below the base of my p*nis - she was gently massaging it with the outer rim of her v**ina way deep and I stayed real still and perfectly hard but just pushed against her ever so gently in half circles with her until she came.

On me, she was at a place that has never been touched before and I felt those non-ejaculatory o’s and when I finally did have a wet one (when she asked me too) it was nearly insane. It has been hours since we left the hotel and I can still feel a warm soothing glow…

…Praise God from whom all blessing flow. When I prayed with her before we left this morning, she cried and said how much she missed me. I have always been there for her but Susan’ book rekindled her “want” of her man who loves her deeply and you have showed me the way to love my wife the way she needs to be loved.

Dave

She is going with her boyfriend, someone she has been dating for almost a year, and someone we love and appreciate immensely. As her father, the quickest way to my heart is to treat my daughter as well as I do. And, her boyfriend does that in spades. So, I am very happy that she is so excited about tonight.

But, watching them, last night, prepare for the Prom, reminded me of one of my favorite songs/videos; Heartland’s “I Loved Her First.”

I can’t watch the video without tearing up.

This post and video is for the fathers of daughters out there.

If you can watch this video without tearing up (at least a little)…shame on you!

My daughter, Erika…

“I Loved Her First” lyrics…

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I’m not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I’m going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first

The video…

Enjoy the video and have a great weekend.

Afterwards, I received a few angry emails from husbands that felt I was perpetuating the “myth” that “if only” they were more helpful around the house, their wives would be more “helpful” in bed. They swore that they were practically “house husbands” and their wives were still not interested in sex.

Well…

1) It was just an attempt at humor. We really don’t believe that every husband that helps around the house is (automatically) overwhelmed with too much sex.

2) There was a grain of truth. MANY women do tell us that they would be MUCH more available in bed, if they were less tired and stressed because their husband’s were helping them with some of the household chores.

But, I think that “turnabout is fairplay.” So, I have also included a video from the man’s perspective. It is a Folgers commercial from the 50’s. And, I feel that it accurately (not really) expresses the quickest and easiest way for a woman to spark romance and respect within her husband.

Please no emails on these…they are only intended to give you a chuckle.