This past week, there was an interesting thread in our Christian Marriage Forum.

One of the women in the forum was raving (well, actually her husband was raving) about a sexual technique that we detail in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

With the weekend approaching fast, it might be a cool technique that you want to try!

One of the primary ways for a female to DRAMATICALLY increase her sexual pleasure, responsiveness and satisfaction is by exercising and developing her “PC muscle” (pubococcygeus muscle).

These exercises are sometimes referred to as “kegels.”

Increasing the strength of the female PC muscle provides a multitude of POWERFUL sexual results. But, one of the side benefits is that it gives a woman the ability to “squeeze” and “pull” on her husband’s penis, during intercourse.

This can create an UNBELIEVABLY PLEASURABLE sensation for both husband and wife.

If your PC muscle is already strong, try this when you get a chance.

When your husband is inside of you, ask him to stay relatively still and utilize your vaginal walls (and PC muscle) to squeeze, massage and pull on your husband’s penis.

I guarantee he will be thrilled.

If your PC muscles are not quite so strong (happens much after child birth), then you should consider doing PC muscle exercises (as outlined in SSCW) so that you can try this fun activity.

Posted: May 15th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex education.
Comments: none

Last week, I received the following email from a reader:

Hello Robert, I praise the Lord there is someone who can give advice for lovemaking in marriage.

I downloaded Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, but I need to know things for my husband’s enjoyment; I wanted to download Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

I have never been able to talk to anyone about this b/c they know my husband, but could you please tell me, IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM? (This is embarrassing, but so very important.)

My husband and I have been married for 27 years, but it makes me feel less of a woman when he wants me to touch him alot there.

This seems to arouse him more than anything else I do.

Please help me understand if this is normal, if I shouldn’t, or if I should, the best ways. I hope you’ll answer.

Thank you and GOD bless you for doing this and keeping it within boundaries to GOD’s glory.

Sincerely,

[removed]

First, an aside…

What other site will you find the phrases “God’s glory” and “IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM?” in the same post? Very few. Come on…admit it…probably only this one!

Back to the question at hand…

First, I don’t like to play along with the “normal” designation. Relative to our sexuality, “normal” shouldn’t be a valid question to ask.

As long as a sexual desire/act does not fall into one of the obviously “prohibited” categories outlined in Scripture, there is no “normal.” One of the wonderful and cool things about our sexuality is how diverse are the possibilities…and needs and desire.

But, that said, it is not unusual for a man to desire anal stimulation.

This is because this area (particularly in men) is, anatomically, a very erogenous zone.

This fact that this area has been designed (by God) to be erogenous is simple…it contains many more “pleasure” receptors (nerve endings) than most other parts of the body.

And, this area contains the male version of the “G Spot,” the prostate.

Below is a diagram of this area…

The prostate is about the size of a walnut and is located just under the bladder, in front of the rectum.

The purpose of the prostate is to lubricate (add semen and other fluids) to the ejaculation process.

But, one of the other primary functions of the prostate is…pleasure.

The concentration of pleasure giving nerve endings surrounding the prostate make it the exact equivalent of the female “G Spot.”

Stimulating the prostate can double or triple the potential pleasure for a man, during sex.

Stimulating the prostate can also help to delay ejaculation!

How do you stimulate the prostate?

There are two basic ways:

1) Externally

You can stimulate the prostate externally by stimulating the area between your husband’s scrotum and anus.

2) Internally

The most effective way to stimulate your husband’s prostate is by directly massaging it.

Yes…this means inserting your finger (or something) into his anus to directly stimulate the prostate.

We discuss prostate stimulation techniques in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

Whaaaaaaaaat?

Yes, if you really want to show your husband intense pleasure, you may want to consider “option 2!”

Why wouldn’t you want to?

1) You think it’s “gross.”

If you don’t like the idea of stimulating his prostate with your fingers, there are a variety of “toys” specifically designed for prostate stimulation. One of the best is called Aneros.

2) You think it’s “gay.”

Well, this is just silly.

I sometimes receive emails from people that think any (male or female) anal stimulation implies some hint of homosexuality. These people usually use logic like, “Gay people do that!”

Well…I hate to break it to ya…but gay people also hold hands, kiss and watch movies together.

The fact that homosexuals may (or may not) do something does not make it “gay.” Having sex with someone of the same sex makes it gay.

3) You think it’s wrong.

Anal play is NOT specifically prohibited ANYWHERE in Scripture.

Most of the Christian “experts” that rail against anal sex (of any sort) usually fall back on the argument that “its just not natural.”

Well…the fact that God PURPOSEFULLY created the female G spot and the male prostate and then surrounded them with a super high number of “pleasure/nerve endings” tells me that utilizing/stimulating these areas is pretty darn…”natural.”

If you think it’s unnatural to stimulate the prostate…you either believe that God created a specific pleasure spot…that you AREN’T supposed to use for pleasure…or that he made a mistake in design.

The male g spot (The “M spot”) is an area that you, as a couple, may want to explore.

Unless, of course, you have too much variety and pleasure in your sex life…and you don’t need any more.

Posted: May 13th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 1

Over the last few weeks, I have received several emails very similar to following:

I was married as a Christian last August. My husband and I were not Christians earlier in life and both had previous marriages. Thank goodness at almost forty and as a Christian God blessed me with a wonderful man. So, going into this marriage we decided to do everything right. Marital counseling, blended family classes. Long engagement, and ,of course, absolutely not pre-marital relations.

Needless to say our married life is almost ideal, except for the bedroom. I’m not even sure he totally realizes how disappointed and displeased I am about it. I’m totally afraid of hurting his male ego, by telling him how unsatisfied I am. I’m not sure weather it is fortunate or unfortunate that I did have sexual experiences as a non Christian because now I know how good it is supposed to be. I’ve tried telling him what I like and how God wants us to have pleasure as one, but I believe he just is inexperienced…

How do I tactfully show him your books ( Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife ) or approach a change?

I thought he would notice my reading about it and ask, but he has said nothing. It is literally tearing me up inside whenever we have relations because it is so unsatisfying, but he seems extremely satisfied and unaware.

All of these emails struck me as similar because they all “assumed” that there was some value to “holding back” or not sharing the true feelings/needs of the heart.

This is a devastating assumption.

It is, possibly, the greatest destroyer of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in marriage.

Your marriage can only be improved and helped by moving in the direction of MORE communication…MORE honesty….and MORE sharing of each other’s REAL needs and desires.

I don’t pretend that doing this is always easy. But, it is always the best choice.

It reminds me of a story I read, this weekend in Robert Holden’s book, “Happiness Now:”

A husband and wife, both in their late 70s, decided

that, after 55 years of marriage, it was high time they got a divorce. When their counselor asked them why, the wife issued a catalog of reasons: “He never says he loves me,” said the wife.

“I thought you knew I loved you,” said the husband.

“I thought you knew I loved you,” said the husband.

The wife continued, “He never says I’m beautiful.”

The husband replied, “I look at you every day and admire your beauty.”

We rarely talk,” said the wife.

“I know you like to read a lot,” said the husband.

“I read because we don’t talk,” said the wife.

There was a pause. “And we never go out,” she added.

“I thought you liked to say in,” said the husband.

“I only stay in because I’m waiting to go out,” said the wife.

The counselor continued to take notes.

“He’s also very mean to me,” said the wife.

“In what way?” asked the husband.

“Well, at breakfast, three times a week for 55 years, he has always served me the crust of the loaf, and I hate the bread crust!”

The husband was distraught and wailed, “I give you the crust, my dear, because that is my favorite part of the loaf.”

As you can see, “assume” can make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”
And, it can prevent you from making any real progress or connection in your marriage, as well.

Posted: May 12th, 2008 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

This week, a new Walgreens opened in our town.

I wasn’t really certain why we needed a 24 hour pharmacy, but after one of our first purchases there, I am a Walgreens fan.

We were there simply to check out the new store opening. But, while there, we spotted a new product from Johnson and Johnson’s KY brand…

“Yours And Mine.”

KY has recently introduced several new “intimacy” products, but NONE as cool and fun as this one.

This product is genius.

It is one of those few “intimacy” products that in both packaging and effect is a “home run.”

It perfectly captures the spirit of what we are trying to promote on this site and in, especially, our latest books, Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples and Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples…sensuality with a sense of fun and excitement.

“Yours and Mine” is a set of two different “intimate lubricants; one for her and one for him.

Each lubricant is in it’s own colored container.

Each lubricant gives a different sensation when it touches skin.

The lettering on the containers glows in the dark.

And, even better…

When the two lubricants are “mixed together” (you figure out the best way to do this!), they create a third, and different, joint sensation!

This product is cool, fun and cheap (less than $20.00) and will provide you and your spouse with many nights of play.

Below is the press release for the product and a video about it. There is a cute little commercial for the product at the end of the video, as well.

K-Y® BRAND YOURS+MINE™
THE FIRST “HIS + HER” INTIMACY PRODUCT FOR COUPLES!
ANOTHER “GLOWING” BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT FROM THE K-Y® BRAND

Skillman, New Jersey (4/28/08) /PRNewswire/ – Today the leader in healthy intimacy, the K-Y® Brand, announced the first intimacy enhancing product for couples — K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™. Knowing it takes two to create a magical encounter, YOURS+MINE™ offers two lubricants with different sensations. One is invigorating for him, the other thrilling for her and together they add up to a totally new experience. Looking to add even more fun? Expose the tubes to light during the day and the words on the vials will glow in the dark, making his “Yours” and her “Mine” easy to find.

“K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ was developed for couples to experience and enjoy together” explains Daniel Weiss, Group Product Director of Personal Care Products. “Through our ongoing conversations with consumers, we have found that couples are consistently looking for ways to enhance their time together. We recognize that it is not just about one partner or the other — it is about the couple.”

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ serves as a catalyst for creating emotional and physical connections between partners because it provides a unique and fun new way for couples to communicate on an intimate level. Both partners will be curious to know what the other is experiencing, providing the perfect scenario for communication.

YOURS+MINE™ is another innovation by K-Y® Brand designed to enhance intimacy between couples. The brand continues to bring innovation to the intimacy market because the importance of touch extends far beyond the bedroom — recent research suggests that couples who have more frequent and more fulfilling intimacy also report having stronger emotional relationships overall. In addition, studies are showing that men and women with satisfying intimate relations report better physical and mental health.

Different Kind of Product, A Different Kind of Look
To reflect the innovative concept behind K-Y® Brand’s dual lubricants, YOURS+MINE™ is encased in modern, sleek packaging. Two separate test tubes house the lubricants: electric blue for him, vibrant purple for her. Both are capped off with easy to dispense tops and housed in a lustrous black box – with silver accents.

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ is available now at drug, food and mass retailers. The suggested retail price is $19.99 for two test tube vials, each 1.5 fl oz.

Go Walgreens and KY!

Posted: May 8th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Sex Toys.
Comments: none

I seem to have book marked a few Mark Driscoll Videos this week.

Mark is the founder and current “Preaching Pastor ” at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Mars Hill is considered one of the new “mega churches” and is unique in that, despite it’s ultra “hip” approach to presentation, its message is very “old school” conservative (can you say ‘Five Points of Calvinism?’).

Several times per month, they have a service in which Driscoll answers questions from the audience (sent via text message).

In the following video, Mark addresses the question, “Is it okay to read books about how to better pleasure my spouse?”

As you would imagine, its a question after my own heart…

In the video, Mark mentions several great resources for those looking for Christian sex advice.

Additionally (hint, hint), you may want to consider Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Enjoy…

Posted: May 6th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 1

Ultimately, our ministry is a ministry of encouragement.

We want to encourage our brothers and sisters to make their marriages and lives as good as possible.

We have seen in both our own lives and the lives of our readers TRUE miracles.

We KNOW that God is available to us in ALL areas of our lives.

But…

There is a dangerous and counter-productive (yet popular) idea being propagated by some preachers. It is the idea that our lives (and marriages) SHOULD be perfect in every way. And, if they are not, we are doing something wrong.

There are two problems with this idea:

1) It is not Scriptural.

2) It only heaps additional burdens on our backs. Not only are we struggling…we are embarrassed and ashamed that we are struggling.

In the following video, Mark Driscoll plays a clip from a Joel Osteen sermon and comments on it.

I’m neither a particular fan of Mark Driscoll…nor a particular detractor of Joel Osteen. I see positives and negatives with both. But, I do believe that Mark Driscoll does a good job of dissecting Osteen’s assertion that, as Christians, we are to be constant “winners” with perfect relationships and lives…or something is wrong.

Driscoll’s main point is that if that is what our lives are supposed to look like, Jesus was a pretty bad example.

Jesus did not live the life of a “winner,” filled with health, wealth and perfect relationships.

He was a dirt poor carpenter whose family, friends and neighbors disrespected, hated and, ultimately, killed.

Does this mean that we are destined to live unfulfilling lives of desperation and poverty? No. Not necessarily. But, our ONLY guarantee is that we can rely on God to be with us as we deal with WHATEVER we are meant to face.

And, we can be confident that He will be there for us.

I will be the first to encourage you to NOT allow your struggles to overwhelm you.

Stand back up and fight the battles necessary to change those things in your life that are not currently ideal…knowing that God has your back.

But…

DON’T burden yourself with the UNSCRIPTURAL and UNNECESSARY weight of feeling guilty for your imperfect present state.

If struggle and imperfect circumstances were good enough for Jesus…

Posted: May 5th, 2008 under Christian Marriage, Christian Culture, mark driscoll, joel osteen.
Comments: 1