Yesterday, I received the following email.

Since this email (and my response) deals with questions that we receive quite often, I thought that the exchange might be helpful to many of you…

Dear Robert,

I just purchased & downloaded your “Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband”. I looked through the book, just to get a cursory idea of the content. I found so much of what you wrote, right on target.

I am a 55 year old woman… I began going through menopause around 49-50 and have been on estrogen therapy since. I had my uterus (only) removed when I was 36. About a 10 months ago I decided that I didn’t want to take the estrogen pills (Premarin) any longer. I have always been more on the “dry” side lubrication-wise, but with the onset of menopause I found that sex became increasingly more painful, and that I was being rubbed “raw”, due to the thinning of vaginal tissue, (even with KY lubrication) with pink tinged fluid afterwards. I am way too young still, to give up on having a wonderful & satisfying sex life with my husband. So my doctor recommended that I begin using “Estring” instead for estrogen hormone therapy, which I have done. I have found that the direct release of estrogen in the vagina has vastly improved my vaginal tissue, and my ability to feel pleasure again during sex. It is inserted and pops into place just past the pubic bone, (if you’re familiar with the birth control ring, it works on the same principle).

My questions are…

1) I would really like to try achieving sexual pleasure by G-spot stimulation (as well as improved clitoral stimulation too), but am wondering if having the ring in place will prevent or hinder accessing my G-spot?

2) I am somewhat hesitant in giving your book to my husband, because I don’t want to make him feel inadequate, (he can sometimes be quite sensitive about it). Our sex life, after 20 years, is in need of a major tune-up. Between careers, kids, families, etc., time had become an ever-elusive commodity. And for about the last 5 years or more, most of our lovemaking from foreplay to his ejaculation, lasts anywhere from 5 – 8 minutes.

The part about improperly stimulating your woman made me laugh… because it was describing us to a ‘T’. Even though I have made a point of trying to gently show or tell him what feels good, it hasn’t helped. The funny thing is, he used to know how, and very well as a matter of fact. Any suggestions on how I can bring this up now without ‘offending’ him?

Well that was more than I intended to inquire about, ha ha. I appreciate your reading my email and I hope that you will be able to reply at your earliest convenience.

Thanks for your time,
Diana

Diana,

Whether the ring will affect your ability to reach your G spot depends upon your individual anatomy.

This video (Not Safe For Work) will give you a better idea of where your G Spot is located and the best way to stimulate it.

Most husbands care (very much) if they are properly pleasing their wives in bed.

Sometimes, it is necessary to be as blunt as possible (when all else fails)…”Honey, that is NOT working. Can you try this, please?”

This bluntness, coupled with a willingness to “work together” toward your pleasure will usually achieve wonders.

Robert

Posted: April 23rd, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: none

Last week, we received a letter from one of our readers that described a miraculous change in his married sex life.

For those of you still struggling, I thought you might find a glimmer of hope in this letter.

Like many of the success stories that we receive, there are familiar themes:

1) An initial desperation bordering on loss of hope that their married sex life will ever improve.

2) A faith that God DOES care about (even) their married sex life.

3) A patient and respectful attitude toward their spouse.

4) A surprised and overwhelmingly grateful feeling when a miracle finally happens.

Pray for us this evening. We have really been struggling sexually but, since reading Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For the Christian Wife, my wife claims she has finally seen the light. I got one of those “romantic overnights” at [a nice hotel in the city] for us tonight - yes tonight (Monday). I am taking off tomorrow morning.

I am ready to be her lover and she is ready to be my lover again - just like we were in the beginning but older, wiser and with a deeper of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ through the gift you and Susan have given us because of your faithfulness to the Him.

Amen Amen Amen. We will take it slow and easy.

David,

Thanks for the nice email.

Our prayers are with you tonight.

But, don’t forget…you have many more nights ahead…don’t put too much pressure on either of you.

Robert

We had a lovely, soft, gentle romantic evening. We both had the very best time we have had together in a long time. She was free and open and I was patient, loving and warm. This morning she said she wants to make love to me just like that for 30 straight days just to make sure we make a habit of pouring out our love for each other regularly (I almost fell out of bed). Now that is a good Christian work ethic - hahahahahhahaha.

I have really developed my pc muscle and she said she could feel like I have grow a couple of inches (width and length) - she was below the base of my p*nis - she was gently massaging it with the outer rim of her v**ina way deep and I stayed real still and perfectly hard but just pushed against her ever so gently in half circles with her until she came.

On me, she was at a place that has never been touched before and I felt those non-ejaculatory o’s and when I finally did have a wet one (when she asked me too) it was nearly insane. It has been hours since we left the hotel and I can still feel a warm soothing glow…

…Praise God from whom all blessing flow. When I prayed with her before we left this morning, she cried and said how much she missed me. I have always been there for her but Susan’ book rekindled her “want” of her man who loves her deeply and you have showed me the way to love my wife the way she needs to be loved.

Dave

Posted: April 21st, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian sex books, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

Tonight is my daughter’s Junior Prom.

She is going with her boyfriend, someone she has been dating for almost a year, and someone we love and appreciate immensely. As her father, the quickest way to my heart is to treat my daughter as well as I do. And, her boyfriend does that in spades. So, I am very happy that she is so excited about tonight.

But, watching them, last night, prepare for the Prom, reminded me of one of my favorite songs/videos; Heartland’s “I Loved Her First.”

I can’t watch the video without tearing up.

This post and video is for the fathers of daughters out there.

If you can watch this video without tearing up (at least a little)…shame on you!

My daughter, Erika…

“I Loved Her First” lyrics…

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I’m not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I’m going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first

The video…

Enjoy the video and have a great weekend.

Posted: April 18th, 2008 under Parenting.
Comments: 4

Last year, I posted the video (below) titled “How To Turn Your Wife Into A Sex Goddess In Three Easy Steps.”

Afterwards, I received a few angry emails from husbands that felt I was perpetuating the “myth” that “if only” they were more helpful around the house, their wives would be more “helpful” in bed. They swore that they were practically “house husbands” and their wives were still not interested in sex.

Well…

1) It was just an attempt at humor. We really don’t believe that every husband that helps around the house is (automatically) overwhelmed with too much sex.

2) There was a grain of truth. MANY women do tell us that they would be MUCH more available in bed, if they were less tired and stressed because their husband’s were helping them with some of the household chores.

But, I think that “turnabout is fairplay.” So, I have also included a video from the man’s perspective. It is a Folgers commercial from the 50’s. And, I feel that it accurately (not really) expresses the quickest and easiest way for a woman to spark romance and respect within her husband.

Please no emails on these…they are only intended to give you a chuckle.

Posted: April 16th, 2008 under Christian Marriage, Christian Wives, Christian Culture, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

Most of the posts on this blog would be considered “advice;” they come from our experience of successfully overcoming certain marital or sexual issues and are intended to pass along information that will help you to find success and fulfillment in those areas, as well.

This post is different.

It addresses an issue that Sue and I both are still in the process of “trying” to overcome…weight and eating.

I hope some day to be in the position where I can put up a weight related post and feel confident that I am passing along well-earned knowledge, gained from our personal experience of success. That day is NOT today. If there is one area of our lives that we continue to struggle, semi-unsuccessfully, it is with our weight.

But, there was a very interesting and passionate discussion thread last week in our Christian Marriage Forums.

It was titled, “Overweight Wife - Uninterested Husband. “

Although neither Sue nor I feel comfortable in giving advice regarding “how” to lose weight, luckily, neither of us deal with the real issue that is addressed in this thread…loss of sexual desire for your spouse because they are “too” heavy.

We both agree that the other’s weight is something that is to be addressed as “part of the bargain.” It is akin to dealing with your spouse if they were to become ill or disabled in some way; ideally, you would do whatever necessary to keep the passion/sexuality alive…no matter what.

But, weight is a more complicated thing. There IS a part of someone’s weight problem that IS within their control; it is not exactly like an illness or disability in that way. Consequently, they are responsible (in some way) for overcoming their weight problem, no?

Sometimes, the problem is not just the weight,itself, it is the lack of feeling sexy that results from it. Maybe the husband (or wife) really doesn’t have an issue with their spouse’s weight, but the spouse dealing with their weight feels “unsexy” and is less sexual. This issue is very well addressed in The Christian BBW’s Guide To Great Sex.

But, sometimes the other spouse IS dealing with desire issues as a result of their spouse’s weight…

What do you do then?

I can only tell you what Sue and I “think” the proper approach is…

We “act” (in bed) as if weight is not an issue. We do the best we can to love an appreciate ALL of the new curves that exist.

But, because weight is not just a sexual problem, but an overall health and longevity problem, as well, we are actively working towards losing weight. We are both trying Dr. Frank Smoot’s Weight Loss God’s Way program.

We are “trying” to walk an hour each day…together.

The discussion thread that brought me to this post, though, makes it clear that not all couples are able to handle “the weight issue” so calmly and patiently. It is a REAL problem within the marriage.

I would love to see your comments on your experiences and (hopefully) how you have successfully overcome this problem.

Please feel free to share (leave comments). You don’t have to use your “real” name with your comments.

Posted: April 14th, 2008 under christian weight issues.
Comments: 7

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Posted: April 11th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

I am always happy when I find something inspirational for my Friday post.

By Friday afternoon, most of us are tired and worn out from wrestling with the world all week.

We are REALLY starting to look forward to a well-earned rest from the struggle.

But, if you happen to be struggling in you marriage relationship, you may feel as if you have NO place to go for your respite.

You can start to feel as if your problems are just too big to (ever) overcome. They start to feel like you are trying to climb a mountain.

And, by yourself, you ARE climbing mountains.

But, when you turn to our God, the all-powerful Creator, you may find that, for him, your problems (marital and otherwise) are only “grains of sand.”

In Mark 11:2, Jesus tells us…

Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him.

Below is the video for Carrie Underwood’s new song, “So Small.” And, I hope you find it as inspirational as I did.

And, as a special “Friday Bonus,” I also included Carrie’s “Jesus Take The Wheel.

“So Small” lyrics…

What you got if you aint got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It’s okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it’s hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don’t run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you’ve been out there searching for forever,
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters, after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It’s so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It’s like a river that’s so wide
It swallows you whole
While you’re sittin round thinking about what you can’t change
And worryin’ about all the wrong things
Time’s flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can’t get it back

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you’ve been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you’ve been out there searchin for forever
Is in your hands
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Have a great weekend. And, if you are feeling like you are climbing any mountains this weekend, go to our Father to help you turn them into grains of sand.

Posted: April 11th, 2008 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: 1

A few weeks ago, I put up a post regarding masturbation (here).I received more feedback on that post than most any other I can remember. And, as I mentioned before, it was almost 100% positive.

I received several emails from Christian Pastors and counselors asking permission to use the post in their work.

I don’t mention the above to brag (although it is not beyond me to do so). I mention it for two reasons:

1) I am thrilled that most of our readers must be inclined to be open minded about such things.
2) I don’t feel that my opinions on this topic are far from the Christian mainstream.

But, in the past week or so, I have started to receive emails that felt that my opinions on this topic may be leading my brothers and sisters “into sin.”

So, one more post on this topic…

Last night, I was finishing up my “John Adams” marathon. “John Adams” is the movie version of the recent best seller about one of the founders of our country, John Adams.

If you have not watched it yet, I highly recommend it.

One of the most interesting aspects of last night’s episode was watching how, from the very beginning, our country was divided into two basic “parties:” the “federalists” that felt that humans needed strict laws and a strong central government and the “republicans” that were more inclined to trust individuals and individual liberty. The federalists (John Adams) felt that without many rules, there would be anarchy. The republicans (Thomas Jefferson) trusted that humans were capable of good, without oppressive rules or government.

In their ways, both approaches were necessary and correct. But, our personal experiences and personalities would incline us to side with one or the other (Adams or Jefferson), emotionally.

Similarly, with a topic such as masturbation (and most other “sexually related subjects), Christians tend to fall into two general “parties,” (focus on rules/laws or focus on Christian liberty) based upon their experiences and personalities.

And, neither is inherently right or wrong.

But, I must admit that I would have sided with Jefferson. And, I usually focus more on Christian liberty than I do parsing “the rules.”

You need to know this about me to decide if, on some subjects, you want to take my opinions with a grain of salt.

That being said, in my post, I based my opinions regarding masturbation on what I feel are the “bottom line” issues: What does Scripture say about the matter? And, what do smarter theologians than me say about the topic?

But, not all of our brothers and sisters would base their approach to masturbation (or any other sexual issue) ONLY on my criteria.

Many of our readers are Catholic. They, additionally, would factor in what “The Church” has to say on sexual issues.

One of my best friends is Greek Orthodox. He would, additionally, factor in “tradition” and the writings of “The Church Fathers.”

In Romans 14, Paul talks about how we are to deal with “debatable” issues (issues that are not clearly spelled out in Scripture). Essentially, he says, “Try not to act in ways that will cause your brother to stumble (sin), but, also don’t pass judgment on your brothers and sisters if they are doing (debatable) things that you are not comfortable with.”

With masturbation (as well as most topics discussed in this blog), I try to take this approach…and suggest that you consider it, as well.

I would never encourage any of you to do anything that you feel “convicted” about doing (including masturbation).

But, I also would not condemn a fellow brother or sister for doing something that I, personally, feel is “off limits” to me.

With “debatable” issues, only God can judge and we should refrain from either causing our brothers and sisters to stumble…or weighing them down with our own “party” opinions.

Posted: April 9th, 2008 under Uncategorized, christian masturbation.
Comments: none

Below is a video of my son, and his band, at his high school’s talent show last Friday.

Sue and I were both crying, during most of this performance.

I was hoping that I could post this video in the context of some insightful article about parenting…so that I could obscure the fact that I am just looking for an excuse to brag about my son.

No luck. So, enjoy the blatant exploitation by a really proud parent…

Posted: April 7th, 2008 under Parenting.
Comments: 2

The following video is Jeff Allen, a Christian Comedian, talking about how he swore that he would never be like his father and be “too old” to understand his teenagers.

Of course, then reality hits…

Have a great weekend.

Posted: April 4th, 2008 under Christian Marriage, Christian Culture, Parenting, Christian Husbands.
Comments: 1