The last few posts have been kind of serious.

So, I thought I would lighten it up a bit for you today.

Below is a video by a Christian comedian named Rich Praytor.

It IS NOT easy to find a “Christian comedian” that actually makes me laugh; it took quite a bit of searching.

So, I hope you enjoy him…

Posted: July 25th, 2007 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Videos, Christian Culture.
Comments: 1

This weekend, there was a post at the MyChristianmarriage.net forums titled, “How Far Does Forgiveness Go?”

It was from a Christian woman whose husband sexually abused her children and is now going away to prison.

I wanted to re-post it here (with my response) for two important reasons:

1) It is a “reality check” for any of you that are feeling “put upon” or ungrateful for your current situation. God never promised us, in this life, that it would be easy. But, you need to thank God that you (most likely) are not dealing with a situation like this.

2) I felt slightly (actually…VERY) at a loss to offer any substantial, tangible help to this woman. Although, I thought that there was a good chance that someone in our “audience” might have some expertise in this area.

If you do, please go to the forums and offer her some support and advice.

how far does forgivness go?
dear all. this is my first post, and am looking for a little spiritual guideance. i have been married to my husband for 35.years. we have both been born again christians for 24.years. unknown to me my husband had a sexually abusive history when i met him. it was a second marriage for both of us. he had 4.children from a previous partner and i had 3. we joined together as one big happy family. it came to light 13.months ago that he had abused 4. of our children. 2.of his and 2.of mine. his eldest daughter was only 2.years old it carried on till she was 8.years old. he abused his 4.year old son also. he abused my eldest daughter from 3.years old till ten then raped her constantly for 2.years till she got pregnant and he made her have an abortion. he also abused my youngest daughter for 9.months. he has been on police bail for 13.months and got convicted 2.weeks ago, he got 10.years prison.being a christian i have forgiven him. but i want a divorce now. how do i stand as regards christianity.? people in my church give me mixed advice. can you tell me what you think. this has split my family apart. regards sheila xx

My response…

Sheilam,

We are honored that you chose to share your situation and pain with our members.

As moderators of this board, the only real (guaranteed) help that we can offer for you is our thoughts and prayers. Susan and I will pray for you and your situation. And, we ask ALL OTHER MEMBERS to please do the same.

That being said…

You are going through a situation of which nightmares are made.

As it says in Scripture, “It rains on the unjust and just alike.” But, you, Sister, have been through a hurricane.

Before you can move forward, you MUST clearly realize that you are in a “life or death” struggle to save yourself and your family from destruction on many levels.

You need INFINITELY more help and support than you can find in a small forum such as this.

You need to IMMEDIATELY find professional and spiritual help in a BIG and REAL way.

Professionally, there are a multitude of governmental programs and offerings that could be of help.

You need to get yourself and your children into counseling IMMEDIATELY.

You will not survive this hurricane with a rowboat and one broken paddle…

You need the ARMY,NAVY and MARINES to be helping to pull you out of the dangerous part of the storm.

Whether your children want/desire this sort of help, you need to FORCE it upon them.

They have been damaged (whether they realize it or not) and you need to FORCE their healing. This WILL NOT happen “naturally.”

If your husband is going to be safely away in prison, you are blessed (at least in one way). If he is not, you need to get you and your family to somewhere safe. If that is a “woman’s shelter,” do it.

One of your primary responsibilities as a mother is to protect your children. Now that you know the danger that your husband poses, you need to do EVERYTHING possible to further protect yourself and your children from this monster.

If you were truly “taken by surprise” by your husband’s abuse, then I would spend NO TIME worrying/accepting blame for what happened. The question, now, is, “What are you going to do to protect/fix/heal them…going forward?”

Spiritually….

Start with going to God RIGHT NOW. Get on your knees NOW and ask God to reveal to you EXACTLY what you need to do to help yourself and your children to overcome this horrible disaster that has befallen you and them.

Then, you need to IMMEDIATELY seek out a Church or Christian group that will not just talk about helping you…but will DEMONSTRATE their willingness to help.

You will need friends. You may need somewhere for you or your children to stay. You may need money or food or rides to counseling.

If you ask God for this help….he will guide you to local Christians/ a church that will be there for you.

There is only one explicit Scripture that provides a “carte Blanche” support for divorce. It is in the case where your spouse has committed adultery.

As my father has said about this topic, “Scripture says you can divorce, it doesn’t say you HAVE to…or SHOULD.”

I think this advice is helpful in situations that deal in “everyday” types of affairs…maybe…it depends on the situation.

But…

YOUR HUSBAND RAPED YOUR CHILDREN.

You should be far beyond any “wondering” about whether you should divorce him or not. You should be ASSUMING that the divorce is a fact.

If, you get ANY advice other than this from the church/Christian group that you are working with….RUN from them as fast as you can.

Jesus was “the prince of peace.” But, one of his most graphic, judgmental, vindictive, statements (drowning by hanging a big stone around their necks) was in reference to hurting or leading astray children.

Child abuse is the clearest, most obvious violation of God’s will that could possibly exist.

I can’t judge your husband’s ultimate destiny; only God can. But, I can “lay odds” that your husband’s destiny is not a pretty one.

You need to find local (face to face) help…lots of it…IMMEDIATELY.

But, if there is any way that we can help, PM us. And, I’m sure that other members of this board will be willing to help, if possible.

Who knows? God is powerful. Maybe a member of this board lives in the same city that you do.

Posted: July 24th, 2007 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage, Christian Sex Therapy, Parenting, Marriage Forum.
Comments: 2

Last week, we opened a “Sexual Abuse” section in the MyChristianMarriage.net forums.

Early on, a surprising number of people are discussing their past sexual abuse; obviously, it is a very important issue that many Christians need to deal with.

For those of you that read this blog and may be dealing with sexual abuse, I wanted to re-post something that Meleney Kriel, one of our moderators posted regarding this issue. You can find more on this topic in the forums.

There are so many things I need to say to you and anyone who wants to know what to do to get healing from the trauma of sexual abuse.

Firstly you need to know this one thing: It is God who will heal you and set you free - your answer lies with Him alone and therefore it is absolutely of primary importance that you do not blame Him. (I am not saying you do.) You have to understand that He is not the source of your pain, but the source of your healing! A person who has doubts about this one fact, shuts themselves off from the solution.

Secondly, your healing starts with a decision on your side. You must make up your mind this moment that the abuse you suffered will NOT define who you are. You will not live with it forever and you will not live “through” it. It is not who you are. You have to say to yourself “I AM NOT A VICTIM!” It is very, very important. This one point divides sufferers of abuse into two camps - those who get absolutely free and those who don’t. In the camp of the Free and the Brave (literally) there are people who suffered unimaginable injustice and abuse, but got over it. In the camp Victims Forever, are people who can’t get over anything. You have to decide that you are going to live free from the effect of sexual abuse, have a wonderful marriage and sex life, be a wonderful parent and function successfully and joyfully in life.

I dont want to say more right now. These two things are the beginning of healing and I want to encourage you strongly to make an effort to get them sorted out in your heart, mind, soul, spirit, emotions and will - once and for all. Dont make a big deal out of it either. Decide it today and when contrary thoughts come, counter them with these two truths. God is my Healer and I will not be a victim. Write them down and stick them up somewhere for you to see. Do anything and everything to remind yourself of those two truths.

Once someone gave me a flat little stone with the words: “My God shall supply all your needs…” painted on them. It was at a time where we faced a huge financial challenge and although I am not someone who is “in” to little symbols and statues of angels and doves etc… I started carrying the stone in my pocket and whenever I was tempted to worry, I touched the stone. The stone did not take care of my challenge, but God certainly did! Just in time as well, the answer came from a very unexpected source and everything was fine.

God bless you! I would love to hear from you again and I know that you are in the prayers of the members who read this.

Pastor Meleney
__________________
www.undefiled.biz
www.viva-foundation.org

Posted: July 23rd, 2007 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage, Christian Sex Therapy, Marriage Forum.
Comments: none

We are told to be “in the world, not of the world.” We know that. But, it doesn’t make it easy to always know when we are acting “of the world.”

Our goal SHOULD NOT be to imitate/borrow our sexuality from the world.What you will find in “the world” is a faint/impotent/twisted/spoiled version of what God intends for us.

Satan/the world is only capable of copying/mimicking God’s perfect creations.

Pornography. Strip Clubs. Serial Adultery. These are POOR substitutes for what God created and offers to us.

These are the xerox copies of God’s creation created on a broken copy machine….faded and poor representations of the real thing.

I will STOP writing/ministering in this area TODAY if I start to feel that my mission is to help couples to imitate/experience the world’s twisted “knock offs” of God’s wonderful creation of healthy, Godly sexuality.

God created our sexuality.

He gave this wonderful gift to us.

EVERYTHING that can be found in the world, sexually, was STOLEN by Satan and (poorly) fashioned to appear attractive, despite it’s poisonous nature.

Our goal (and hopefully yours) is to discover sex as God intended it for us.

Earth-shaking, body-quaking, soul-bonding, fun, fun, fun (did I say “fun?”), and HOLY.

We don’t need to look to the world for ANYTHING in this area.

We just need to look to God and our spouse.

Someone, in another post, alluded to the fact that the more she gave herself to God (completely), the more she found herself appreciating her husband and WANTING/NEEDING sex.

If you want to see the best example of what God intends for us, sexually, don’t look to Playboy or HBO or “The Joy of Sex.” Go to the Song of Solomon.

In this book of the Bible, you find that sexuality and human love and Godly love cannot be separated; they are inseparably INTERTWINED.

Your love for God creates a love for your spouse…which creates a DEEP and UNQUENCHABLE sexual desire for your spouse.

Your sexual relationship/interactions creates an appreciation for your spouse (and God’s gift of sexual pleasure) which makes you love God/your spouse even more…which makes you want to get closer to both.

This is a never ending positive, health (and beautiful) cycle.

And it has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING that you might find in the world.

The best, most intense, most real, most “spiritual” sexual experiences can ONLY be found taking place between two Christians that are attempting to Glorify God through their lives, relationship and sexuality.

Posted: July 19th, 2007 under Christian Sex, Male Sexuality, Male Sexual Dysfunction, Christian Culture.
Comments: none

OR…..

One of the fundamental mistakes that couples make, sexually, is not respecting the REALITY of the differences in the male and female sexual response cycles.

The more that we understand and work WITH our sexual response cycles, the more SUCCESS we will experience.

There are four phases of the sexual response cycle:

1)Excitement/Arousal
2)Plateau
3)Orgasm
4)Resolution

Men and women respond differently during each of these phases…especially during the first (excitement/arousal).

Men, generally, are very easily aroused/excited. They are the sexual equivalent of the Hyundai; great for starting and stopping (sexual “city driving”). Women are the sexual equivalent of the Ferrari. You need to ensure that you properly care for and prime them before you expect acceleration. But, once you do get them going…look out; you may not be able to stop them!

This causes a multitude of mis communications and missed opportunities for couples.

The man needs to “cool” his arousal/excitement enough to give his wife time to go from foreplay to true arousal.

The woman needs to understand (and trust) that if she allows herself to “start” BEFORE SHE FEELS AROUSED…most of the time…she WILL become aroused.

From this point on…you are “off to the races,” so to speak. At this point, you are on a “level playing field,” sexually; you are both participating with a high level of sexual arousal.

It is at this point that (many) women can easily surpass their husbands in sexual arousal/excitement, etc.

You just have to work through the initial “mismatch” in the first phase of the sexual response cycle.

If you factor this into your marriage, your sex life can exist on the “sexual autobahn.”

P.S. I know practically NOTHING about sports cars. So, if my analogies are lame, forgive me. I’m sure you (kind of) understand the point I’m trying to make.

Posted: July 18th, 2007 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Female Sexuality.
Comments: none

The “Onion” (www.theonion.com) is, in my opinion the greatest newspaper in the world.

It is (supposedly) only “satire” but I still like it better than most other news sources. It almost never fails to cause me to laugh out loud.

Last week, it printed an article titled, “Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating ‘Romantic Weekend Getaway.”

“KENOSHA, WI—Sources report that longtime married couple Duane and Edna Schumacher’s weekend stay at Chicago’s FantasyLand Suites was a grueling ordeal of unwelcome interruptions to their long-established marital routine…”

Unfortunately, the attitudes expressed in this article are not that different from those of many of the Christian married couples that we interact with each week.

My favorite lines…

The Schumachers said the unbearable ordeal began at check-in, when the reservations clerk handed the couple their keys, winked, and said, “Enjoy your stay.” From that moment forth, virtually everything that occurred during the weekend induced cringes and winces from the aging pair.

“I love Edna, and I enjoy spending time with her,” Duane, 58, said. “But when you’re at that place, wherever you go, you know that the staff thinks you’re either just coming from, or on your way to, having sex. I don’t care for that kind of attention…We’ve been married for 30 years. There comes a point in a man and woman’s life when you’re happy just to get a good night’s sleep,”

You can find the entire article here.

Enjoy.

Posted: July 17th, 2007 under Christian Sex, News, Christian Marriage, Humor, Christian Culture.
Comments: none

On the forums at MyChristianMarriage.net Forums, several members have expressed sincere frustration and disappointment with certain aspects of their marriage.

I felt led to post the following.

If this resonates with you…take action; go to God with your dreams, desires and needs. He is both willing and able to heal any aspect of your life or marriage.

A few months ago, our Pastor gave one of the best sermons I can remember.

He was responding to a (small) group within our church that was becoming annoyed with the increased emphasis on prayer and healing within our church.

We attend an Episcopal church, so this type of “charismatic like” behaviour was new to some…and it made them uncomfortable.

At one point in his sermon, he asked, “Do you want to EXPERIENCE God’s power or do you just want to come here every week and read about it?”

It was a real “wake up call” for some in our church and, in my opinion, necessary.

So, I am going to ask YOU the same question….

“Do you want to EXPERIENCE God’s power? Do you want to FEEL and WITNESS his healing and caring?”

Or…

“Do you just want to read about it?”

In John 16:24, Jesus says, “Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”

If you are hurting or struggling in ANY area of your marriage, your FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT strategy should be GOING TO GOD.

Even in the short history of these forums, you can find testimonies to God’s desire and ability to PERFORM MIRACLES.

Do you REALLY trust that God cares?

Do you REALLY believe that he can work miracles in your marriage?

Then DO SOMETHING about it.

Close your browser. Shut off your computer and …

GET ON YOUR KNEES.

Ask Him what he wants from you in your marriage.

Tell Him what your dreams, desires and goals are (for your marriage and everything else).

Then LISTEN, TRUST and BELIEVE.

Then be sure to come back and tell us about the MIRACLES that He has worked in your life and marriage so that we can utilize them to encourage others that are struggling.

But, please…PLEASE…don’t just read about what God can do…expect those miracles in your life and marriage…now.

Really….shut off the computer and go to God.

Posted: July 16th, 2007 under Christian Marriage, Sex and God, Marriage Forum.
Comments: 1

It wasn’t that many years ago when “country” music would NEVER last a split second on my radio.

But, over the past few years, it seems as if I am spending more and more time on “that” side of the dial.

I think that this is because there is much country music that resonates with my day-to-day life more than other styles of music.

Country music is about stories. And, many times, the stories reflect the joys and struggles of family life and marriage.

In our ministry, we deal with the fact that many Christian couples have gone through truly tough times…divorce, remarriage, financial struggles, health struggles.

One of our greatest blessings is that we have the opportunity to see how God utilizes all of these apparently negative situations for our benefit.

One of my favorite songs, these days, is “God Bless The Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts.

This song so perfectly expresses the feeling of gratefulness that I feel as I look back and realize that all the “hard stuff” has been used by God for my good.

Life really is “a broken road.” There may be a “straight and narrow path” to heaven, but there is no such path here on earth.

I always like to send you off into the weekend on a positive note.

I hope that watching this video will do that for you.

The lyrics are below the video.

Enjoy and be grateful this weekend…for YOUR “broken road.”

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped
my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Posted: July 13th, 2007 under Christian Marriage, Christian Culture.
Comments: 2

I sometimes see Christians complain that Hollywood “never” makes any good movies anymore.

I disagree. I think that there are many examples of recent movies that were both family-friendly, morally-safe and uplifting.

I agree that these types of movies are the “exception to the rule” and I encourage fellow Christians to “put their money where their mouths are” when Hollywood does make such movies…so that they have the financial incentive to continue to do so.

Last night, Susan and I watched a movie that I can’t recommend more highly.

I don’t believe that there was a single curse word.

There was not one allusion to anything immoral or debacherous.

It promoted family.

It promoted values and faith.

It was a wonderful, “feel good” experience that made you want to cry and cheer with joy.

It is called “The Astronaut Farmer.”

It stars Billy Bob Thorton as an ex-Astronaut that has the dream of accomplishing what he could not in his career with NASA…going into space in a “home made” rocket.

Why did I love this movie?

Because it positively portrays a family that is willing to be “different.”

Because almost every scene made me think of my family’s life as Christians in a non-Christian world.

No. I don’t plan on building a rocket in the back yard.

But, I do struggle to “dare to dream” that our family can (within God’s will) accomplish whatever dreams that God has placed in our hearts.

And, I empathized with the pressures to “just be normal and realistic” that are put on the main characters in this movie.

Society does not understand my family’s priorities or goals or dreams, as it didn’t understand the Astronaut Farmer’s.

At one point in the movie, Farmer’s father-in-law tells him, “You are one fabulous father. You got your family dreaming together.”

I want to be that type of father.

And, one of the movies that will motivate me for years to come is…”The Astronaut Farmer.”

The trailer is below…

Posted: July 12th, 2007 under Christian Culture, Parenting.
Comments: none

Another example of one of the type of posts that you will find at Christian Marriage Forums

I don’t know who wrote this. But, he is awfully good…

I titled a post in another thread something like “Do you ever really feel like painting the house?”

I should have titled it, “Do you ever REALLY feel excited about buying roses?”

The point I was TRYING to imply was that marriage (at its best) is about compromising and sacrificing and growing and working through our “natural” inclinations…for our spouse.

The real beauty of marriage is when two people are selflessly looking for ways to please each other.

And, because of the natural differences between male and female, we have many opportunities to sacrifice and push against our natural inclinations.

If we are only willing to do those things for our spouse that “come naturally” or we are “totally comfortable” with…where is the selflessness…the sacrifice?

This cuts both ways. You will (over time) see me chide the husbands equally; they need to learn to be excited about the same things that their wives are excited about. They need to do the dishes and TRY to love talking about EVERY SINGLE detail of her day. Wives may need to ACTIVELY be willing to work through some of their “natural” hesitations, sexually.

Why? Because it is in the very effort to please BY WORKING THROUGH THE UNCOMFORTABLENESS that we DEMONSTRATE our love and care.

Is anyone not familiar with that classic O’Henry short story about the young couple that had no money to buy each other presents for Christmas?

She has beautiful long hair.

He has a precious pocket watch that his father gave him.

He sells the pocket watch to buy her an expensive hair brush…only to find that she has sold her hair to buy him a gold chain for his pocket watch.

Why is this story so great? Why does it resonate with us?

Because it demonstrates that each of them were willing to do ANYTHING for each other….no matter the cost.

How much value do we (really) place on those actions that that our spouses perform for us that are EASY and require NO SACRIFICE?

On the other hand…

How much value do we put on those acts that WE KNOW caused our spouses to have to sacrifice (at least a little) or grow, or expand…purely for our benefit?

What seems more interesting and compelling and exciting?

Knowing that the next (how ever many) years of your marriage will involve only what you are both ALREADY familiar and comfortable with…

or…

Knowing that the rest of your marriage will be a joint effort to explore and expand each other’s ability to understand and please the other?

I choose “option B.”

Posted: July 10th, 2007 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: none