There is an article at www.nymag.com by Naomi Wolf, titled, The Porn Myth.

Naomi is a writer and feminist. As far as I know, she is not a Christian. But, if you have read any of her books or seen her interviewed, you know that she is one of the most literate spokeswomen for a return from the abyss that currently envelopes our culture relative to sex, sexuality and (particularly) relative to our culture’s role for women.

The subtitle of the article is, “In the end, porn doesn’t whet men’s appetites—it turns them off the real thing.”

And, whether from a Christian perspective or not, she accurately describes many of the problems with porn; it’s effects on society, in general, and our relationships, specifically.

Some of the highlights…

“She [Andrea Dworkin] was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training—and this is having a huge effect on how they interact…”

“But the effect is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention…”

“Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!”)—possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?”

“For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”

More and comments after the jump…

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Posted: November 30th, 2006 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Male Sexuality, Christians and Pornography, Female Sexuality.
Comments: none

There is an article at the “Daily Mail” about Dr Luan Brizendine’s book, In The Female Mind.

When I bookmarked this article for a blog post, I hadn’t realized that this would be one of the “big news stories” yesterday. But, I still think that it presents some interesting ideas that may help us to understand our spouses better.

According to Dr. Brizendine’s book…

-“Women talk three times as much as men. In a given day, the average woman speaks 20,000 words versus the average man’s 13,000!”

-”Women also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing their own voices.”

-”The simple act of talking triggers a flood of brain chemicals which give women a rush similar to that felt by heroin addicts when they get a high.”

-”But what the male brain may lack in conversation and emotion, they more than make up with in their ability to think about sex… Dr Brizendine says the brain’s “sex processor” - the areas responsible for sexual thoughts - is twice as big as in men than in women, perhaps explaining why men are stereotyped as having sex on the mind. “

More and comments after the jump…

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Posted: November 29th, 2006 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Marriage, Male Sexuality, Christian Wives.
Comments: none

Christianity Today has posted an interview with sociologist Brad Wilcox titled “What Married Women Want.” In it, Wilcox discusses a very interesting study that seems to imply that “more traditional” forms of marriage create happier wives.

Their study, “What’s Love Got To Do With It? Equality, Equity, Commitment, And Women’s Marital Quality,” suggests that following:

-Women in more “egalitarian” marriages (more traditional husband and wife roles) are happier than those in “complementarian” (less reliance on “traditional” husband/wife roles).

-Approximately two thirds of divorces are initiated by women and one of the key factors [they cite] is the “emotional quality” of their relationships.

-Evangelical women tend to be happier in their marriages than other women.

-Although religious affiliation (i.e. “born again”) does not seem to significantly determine relative divorce rates, church attendance does; married couples that regularly attend church are less likely to divorce.

-The number one predictor of a married woman’s happiness is her husband’s “emotional engagement.” He defines “emotional engagement” as “The extent to which he is affectionate, to which he is empathetic, to which he is basically tuned into his wife, this is the most important factor in predicting the wife’s happiness.”

-Women that hold more traditional ideas of gender roles (i.e. willing to let their husbands take the primary role relative to being the “breadwinner,” etc.) are happier than other women.

- Women in families in which the husband earns the “lion’s share” of the income (over 66%) are happier than other women.

More after the jump…

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Posted: November 28th, 2006 under Uncategorized, Christian Marriage, Christian Wives.
Comments: 8

There is an interesting post at www.internetmonk.com titled, “Sex in Dangerous Places” by Michael Spencer.

It is “A letter of advice about sex and the single Christian guy” and I thought that it offered some truly unique points regarding male sexuality both before and after marriage.

A few highlights…

The questions you have now all share one larger question in common: “How does a Christian man live faithfully and obediently with his sexuality?”

My best teachable moments have been when I awakened in the mud and pig slop, not sitting in a classroom or a sanctuary. My best teachers have been men who failed, not those handing me a worksheet.

Let me start by setting a framework for the entire subject; a framework that is often neglected. We have God entirely to blame for being sexual beings. Not for being sexual sinners, but for being sexual in the first place…it is entirely His fault, and He should be made entirely responsible.

The framework, however, goes beyond just whose initials are on the biology. I think we have to also see that scripture continually says that sexuality isn’t just sexuality. It is an aspect of our humanity that is most similar to the intimacy of love within God the Trinity, the highest levels of love within the creation, (i.e. marriage,) and the love we see and experience in Jesus Christ. What we have in our sexuality is, in some way, a connection to the experience of Divine love itself.

I admit that when one thinks of male sexuality in our own culture, this is hardly what immediately comes to mind. One could easily conclude that male sexuality is a universe away from the higher kinds of love. But this simply isn’t true. Male sexuality is the often choice of scriptural language to describe what is beautiful and wonderful.

A few more excerpts and comments after the jump…

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Posted: November 15th, 2006 under Male Sexuality, Sex & Christian Singles.
Comments: none

Female Sexual Dysfunction

www.mayoclinic.com has posted a nice overview of the strategies for overcoming female sexual dysfunction.

Some quick highlights:

-Communicate with your partner more.

-Make healthy lifestyle changes such as limiting alcohol and tobacco and exercising.

-Strengthen your pelvic muscles. We address this completely in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

-Seek counseling if your sexual problems persist.

-Consider the Medical treatment options:

*Estrogen therapy

*Progestin therapy

*Androgen Therapy

*Emerging therapies such as Viagra and Cialis.

The complete article can be found here: Female Sexual Dysfunction.

Posted: November 14th, 2006 under Female Sexual Dysfunction.
Comments: none

Peter Richard Kirk posts his essay, “What Did Paul Really Say About Sex And Marriage.”

There is occasional debate over the apostle Paul’s actual stance on the relative merits of Christian Marriage and sexuality.

In this post, Peter does a wonderful job of attempting to cutting through the differing opinions to get to the bottom of Paul’s actual teachings.

A few highlights:

“…The popular image of the apostle Paul is that he was a misogynist who disapproved of marriage, sex, and in general of everything enjoyable in life. On the basis of this caricature many have rejected the Christian faith, and many others who call themselves Christians have rejected Paul’s teaching in favour of a religion of love and liberty which, equally simplistically, they take as the true or original Christian message…”

“…Yet modern commentators have produced very different interpretations of these contentious passages. For example, Fee, summing up chapter 7, says: Does not Scripture say in fact that singleness is better than marriage? To which the answer is No (p. 357); on 11:2-16 he concludes that such a “church custom” … is not to be raised to Canon Law (p. 530); and on 14:34-35 that it is not authentic … certainly not binding for Christians (p. 708)…”

“…Are such reinterpretations valid? Or are they a case of making the bible fit one’s cultural presuppositions? One way of answering this question is to analyse the contentious passages in their context using linguistic criteria, rather than by theological ones which tend to be coloured by traditional interpretations. This essay is an attempt to answer the question in this way for chapter 7, by analysing the first sixteen verses; the remainder of the chapter is both more obscure and less directly relevant to the central question: did Paul disapprove of all marriage and all sexual relations, or did he not?”

You can find Peter’s entire post here.

Posted: November 13th, 2006 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

Okay, I officially stop promising no more Ted Haggard related posts. Obviously, it is beyond me right now.

This post is in the spirit of fairness. Most of the comments I’ve posted regarding the Ted Haggard scandal were from the male perspective. I found a post today by “The Pineapple Pundit” from the female perspective.

It is titled Advice on Advice and provides us with that much needed female take on the subject.

A few highlights:

“…Here is how I think he should have given this bit of PASTORAL advice…”

“… After all, a pastor should be marked by humility, grace of speech and compassion and sensitivity. He should be able to think through things before he speaks. He should know that this sort of thing is not as simple as being fat and lazy. That relationships are pretty complicated and he never touched on the very fact that a husband’s lack of love and attention can be contributing to his lousy relationship with his wife and his lousy sex life…”

A few more excerpts and comments after the jump…

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Posted: November 10th, 2006 under Christian Sex, News, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

I swear I didn’t want to post another Ted Haggard related post. But, “they just keep pulling me back in!”

In my life, almost daily, I experience what Paul talked about in Rom 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.” So, even the Ted Haggard situation will be brought to some good. So far, one of the positive aspects of this scandal, has been that we have all been forced to reevaluate the relationships between our Christianity, our sexuality and marriages.

Rick Warren, Author of The Purpose Driven Life, has weighed in with suggestions for people in the ministry on avoiding sin. It is thoughtful and valuable advice and is relevant for us all.

You can find it here: How to maintain moral integrity in the ministry.

The thumbnail overview:

-You are not above temptation
-Pay attention to your “spiritual temperature”
-Maintain and nurture your marriage
-Develop HEALTHY outlets for your sexual energy
-Guard your mind
-Don’t forget the consequences of moral failure
-Actively protect yourself from sin and temptation

A few more of the highlights after the jump…

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Posted: November 9th, 2006 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage.
Comments: 2

Stephanie Coontz posted a very interesting article on www.nytimes.com titled, Too Close For Comfort.

Stephanie is a history professor at Evergreen State College, and is the author of “Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage.”

I found this article to be completely fascinating. Her general thesis is that today’s married couples put much more weight and importance on the relationship with their spouse than has ever been the case, historically.

It is further proof that, especially in our current society, the quality of your relationship with your spouse is directly related to your overall happiness and emotional and psychological well being.

EVER since the Census Bureau released figures last month showing that married-couple households are now a minority, my phone has been ringing off the hook with calls from people asking: “How can we save marriage? How can we make Americans understand that marriage is the most significant emotional connection they will ever make, the one place to find social support and personal fulfillment?”

I think these are the wrong questions — indeed, such questions would have been almost unimaginable through most of history. It has only been in the last century that Americans have put all their emotional eggs in the basket of coupled love…

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Posted: November 8th, 2006 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

There is an older article on www.slate.com that gives a fairly good chronology of the modern Christian sex advice movement.

Although I found the tone a bit condescending, it does provide the opportunity to think about several important issues that Christians deal with in their sexual lives.

The article is titled, In the Biblical Sense A guide to the booming Christian sex-advice industry, and is written by Mark Oppenheimer.

An excerpt…

“When University of Chicago researchers set out to discover which religious denominations have the best sex, they learned that the faithful don’t do all their shouting in church. Conservative Protestant women, their 1994 survey found, report by far the most orgasms: Thirty-two percent say they achieve orgasm every time they make love. Mainline Protestants and Catholics lagged five points behind. Those with no religious affiliation were at 22 percent. (Unitarians may not wish to read any further.)…”

“…What are the Phyllis Schlaflys of the world–those twice-born PTA moms–doing in bed that the agnostics and unbelievers are not?…”

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Posted: November 7th, 2006 under Christian Sex Advice.
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