Recently a newlywed posted in our Christian Marriage Forums about her frustration with her sex life.

You can find the thread here.

She said…

My husband and I were just married 3 months ago and at the age of 21 we were both virgins. The whole sex thing has been an issue for us because I still haven’t had an orgasm and my libido is lower then I would like. We thought this was an issue we could overcome in a few weeks but it is a continuing issue. Because of this we have sex twice a week if we’re lucky and it always seems forced. This is putting a strain on our relationship since sex is something we were both looking forward to and we feel is a pretty big part of marriage, connecting you in a new way.

Also, since my husband always feels like sex is forced he has stopped initiating it because he knows we’ll both be dissapointed in the end. This is frustrating because I feel like I’m always initiating which I don’t like because it makes me feel like he doesn’t want me, and that our roles have become reversed. When I discussed this with him today he said it’s because he has become selfish and feels like sex has become to much of an effort. He dislikes having to spend so much time on me just to get me aroused and would rather just do it and get it done. This really made me sad as I don’t understand it and feel like sex should be a bonding relational experience. It also makes me not want to have sex with him anymore if it’s such an “inconvenience.”

I really don’t know what to do from here but I really want our sex life to become what we both hoped and dreamed it would be.

HELP PLEASE!!!!

My advice to her (and to any couple dealing with a similar situation) was that she and her husband needed to better understand the importance of “the little man in the rowboat.”

“The little man in the rowboat” is an old description of the female clitoris. Why? Well, if you closely observe the female anatomy, the clitoris does (sort of) look like a little man (in a raincoat…with the hood on…okay, it’s a stretch) riding in a rowboat.

The vast majority of sexual frustration within Christian marriages could be eliminated simply by correctly prioritizing the importance of the clitoris.

I thought some of you might find my response helpful to you, as well.

Newlywed,

Welcome to the forums.

I just wanted to offer one comment…

Both now and for the rest of your marriage…90% of your sexual satisfaction will be determined by “the little man in a rowboat”…your clitoris.

In some of the other responses to your post, there was a common theme; the husbands hadn’t “found” their wives clitoris for some period of time. And, until they did, the sex was not so great.

This is NOT a coincidence.

The female clitoris is ONLY organ with solely one purpose…pleasure.

It is 1/10th the size of the male penis…with THE SAME number of nerve endings/pleasure receptors…it has TEN TIMES the pleasure potential of the male penis!

Why would anyone have “penis envy?” I have “clitoris envy.”

The most likely reason that you are not experiencing sexual satisfaction is because YOUR CLITORIS IS NOT BEING SUFFICIENTLY STIMULATED.

Introduce your husband to your clitoris. Show it to him; don’t assume that he knows where it is…some men do not.

Show him how you like to have it stimulated; again, don’t assume he knows how to do this.

Ensure that he understands that during intercourse he needs to thrust (and be in positions) that stimulate your clitoris. This is CRITICAL. If your clitoris is not being stimulated; your husband will never satisfy you in the way you (and he) desire.

If you (or your wife) are struggling sexually, you may find Susan’s book, “Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife” to be helpful; it is a technically-sound guide to female pleasure and sexual satisfaction.

Posted: September 4th, 2007 under the clitoris.
Comments: 3