She is going with her boyfriend, someone she has been dating for almost a year, and someone we love and appreciate immensely. As her father, the quickest way to my heart is to treat my daughter as well as I do. And, her boyfriend does that in spades. So, I am very happy that she is so excited about tonight.
But, watching them, last night, prepare for the Prom, reminded me of one of my favorite songs/videos; Heartland’s “I Loved Her First.”
I can’t watch the video without tearing up.
This post and video is for the fathers of daughters out there.
If you can watch this video without tearing up (at least a little)…shame on you!
My daughter, Erika…
“I Loved Her First” lyrics…
Look at the two of you dancing that way Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I’m not gonna stand in your way
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I’m going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first
Below is a video of my son, and his band, at his high school’s talent show last Friday.
Sue and I were both crying, during most of this performance.
I was hoping that I could post this video in the context of some insightful article about parenting…so that I could obscure the fact that I am just looking for an excuse to brag about my son.
No luck. So, enjoy the blatant exploitation by a really proud parent…
The following video is Jeff Allen, a Christian Comedian, talking about how he swore that he would never be like his father and be “too old” to understand his teenagers.
*Some visitors have asked me to reproduce this post on one of our “less sex related sites” so that the link could be forwarded to family and friends without fear of “burning their eyes” with the sexual content of this site. You can find a mirror of this post on our MyChristianMarriage.net site here.
The following post is, essentially, a political endorsement.
I struggled for several months about whether I should make this post.
I know that my visitors come to this blog to gather information that will help them to make their Christian marriages happier, more fulfilling and long-lasting…not to hear my political opinion.
But, I believe that the following post is relevant to Christian families and the environment within our country in which they exist.
If you couldn’t care less who I am endorsing for President in this upcoming election, you can skip today’s post. I’ll look forward to seeing you here next post. If you care (even a little), please consider the following:
Last week, my father and I were discussing politics and he made reference to Luther’s statement, “I’d rather be ruled by a competent Turk than an incompetent Christian.”
He referenced this particular quote because, in his opinion, as Christians, we are faced with a crop of Presidential candidates that forces us to choose “the lesser of two evils.”
With the vast majority of the current candidates (Republican or Democratic), you have to “hold your nose” as you vote for them because you have to ignore one of the following:
-Their current positions on issues important to most Christians (i.e. abortion or gay marriage).
-The disconnect between their support of “family values” and their personal lives (multiple, documented affairs and divorces)
-The disconnect between their current (while running as a Presidential candidate) positions and their past positions and voting records.
In the past few months, I have discovered a candidate that will allow me, as a Christian husband and father, to vote with my nostrils fully open.
His name is Ron Paul and he is currently running as a Republican candidate for President.
Ron Paul not only declares his faith in Christ, he has an unblemished seventy-one year history of demonstrating his faith; you will not find a trail of “dirty laundry” anywhere to be found on this candidate.
An excerpt from his “Statement of Faith”…
We live in times of great uncertainty when men of faith must stand up for our values and our traditions lest they be washed away in a sea of fear and relativism. As you likely know, I am running for President of the United States, and I am asking for your support.
I have never been one who is comfortable talking about my faith in the political arena. In fact, the pandering that typically occurs in the election season I find to be distasteful. But for those who have asked, I freely confess that Jesus Christ is my personal Savior, and that I seek His guidance in all that I do. I know, as you do, that our freedoms come not from man, but from God. My record of public service reflects my reverence for the Natural Rights with which we have been endowed by a loving Creator.
I have worked tirelessly to defend and restore those rights for all Americans, born and unborn alike. The right of an innocent, unborn child to life is at the heart of the American ideal of liberty. My professional and legislative record demonstrates my strong commitment to this pro-life principle.
In 40 years of medical practice, I never once considered performing an abortion, nor did I ever find abortion necessary to save the life of a pregnant woman. In Congress, I have authored legislation that seeks to define life as beginning at conception, H.R. 1094. I am also the prime sponsor of H.R. 300, which would negate the effect of Roe v Wade by removing the ability of federal courts to interfere with state legislation to protect life. This is a practical, direct approach to ending federal court tyranny which threatens our constitutional republic and has caused the deaths of 45 million of the unborn. I have also authored H.R. 1095, which prevents federal funds to be used for so-called “population control.” Many talk about being pro-life. I have taken and will continue to advocate direct action to restore protection for the unborn.
I have also acted to protect the lives of Americans by my adherence to the doctrine of “just war.” This doctrine, as articulated by Augustine, suggested that war must only be waged as a last resort— for a discernible moral and public good, with the right intentions, vetted through established legal authorities (a constitutionally required declaration of the Congress), and with a likely probability of success.
It has been and remains my firm belief that the current United Nations-mandated, no-win police action in Iraq fails to meet the high moral threshold required to wage just war. That is why I have offered moral and practical opposition to the invasion, occupation and social engineering police exercise now underway in Iraq. It is my belief, borne out by five years of abject failure and tens of thousands of lost lives, that the Iraq operation has been a dangerous diversion from the rightful and appropriate focus of our efforts to bring to justice to the jihadists that have attacked us and seek still to undermine our nation, our values, and our way of life.
Ron Paul has been married (to the same woman) for over fifty years and has raised five children and seventeen grandchildren.
Ron Paul is a Doctor of obstetrics and gynecology and has delivered more than 4,000 babies.
Because of his experience as an OBGYN, Ron Paul strongly feels that life begins at conception and is an active opponent of “Roe vs. Wade.”
Ron Paul served his country in the military. His medical training was interrupted when he was drafted during the Cuban Missile Crisis into the United States Air Force. He remained in the military during the early years of the Vietnam War. He was never sent to Vietnam, instead serving active duty (1963-1965) that took him to other countries, including South Korea, Iran, Ethiopia and Turkey. He served as a flight surgeon out of Kelly Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas from 1963 to 1965. He then served in the Air National Guard from 1965 to 1968 while completing his medical residency in Pittsburgh. He achieved rank of captain during his service in the Air Force. Consequently, he is a strong defender of our nation’s national security and the men and women in the military.
Ron Paul is the leading advocate for freedom in our nation’s capital.
As a member of the U.S. House of Representatives, Ron Paul tirelessly works for limited constitutional government, low taxes, free markets, and a return to sound monetary policies. He is known among his congressional colleagues and his constituents for his consistent voting record. Ron Paul never votes for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution. In the words of former Treasury Secretary William Simon, he is the “one exception to the Gang of 535” on Capitol Hill.
-He has never voted to raise taxes.
-He ACTIVELY proposes the elimination of the Federal Income Tax and the IRS
-He has never voted for an unbalanced budget.
-He has never voted for a federal restriction on gun ownership.
-He has never voted to raise congressional pay.
-He has never taken a government-paid junket.
-He has never voted to increase the power of the executive branch. -He is a staunch defender of our freedoms both on and off the Internet
He voted against the Patriot Act.
He voted against regulating the Internet.
He voted against the Iraq war.
He does not participate in the lucrative congressional pension program.
He returns a portion of his annual congressional office budget to the U.S. treasury every year.
While serving in Congress during the late 1970s and early 1980s, Ron Paul’s limited-government ideals were not popular in Washington. In 1976, he was one of only four Republican congressmen to endorse Ronald Reagan for president.
You’ll notice that EVERY Republican candidate is scrambling to align themselves with Ronald Reagan (despite their disassociation with his values or policies).
But, what did Ronald Reagan say about Ron Paul?
“Ron Paul is one of the outstanding leaders fighting for a stronger national defense…
…As a Former Air Force officer, he knows well the needs of your armed forces, and he always puts them first…
…We need to keep him fighting for our country…
Another colleague observed…
“There are few people in public life who, through thick and thin, rain or shine, stick to their principles. Ron Paul is one of those few.”
Why would you NOT vote for Dr. Ron Paul?
In my opinion, there are two reasons that a Christian might hesitate to vote for Dr. Paul; one is based on values/principles and one is based upon “strategic/political” motives.
The first, “values/principles issue” would be Dr. Paul’s stance on the war in Iraq.
His opponents would like you to believe that his stance on the war in Iraq comes from a position of weakness (i.e. he is “soft” on defense).
This is a mis-characterization of Dr. Paul’s position.
Dr. Paul supported our forays into Afghanistan (to find Bin Laden and his crew).
He opposed (and still opposes) the war in Iraq because it is an “undeclared” war that was not initiated according to the processes detailed in the Constitution; it was an unconstitutional overstep by the Executive branch (the President).
Ron Paul has no illusions relative to the potential threats and danger of global terror (Islamic or otherwise). But, he does not believe that our current efforts in Iraq are the proper utilization of our military resources.
According to most polls, almost 70% of our nation agrees that the current war in Iraq may not have been the most effective and efficient means of ensuring our true national defense and safety.
If you are one of the 30% of citizens that truly and absolutely feel that the war in Iraq is EXACTLY how we should be utilizing our financial and military assets, there is probably NOTHING I could do to convince you to consider Dr. Paul.
The “political/strategic” reason that you might hesitate to vote for Dr. Paul is that you worry you might be “wasting your vote” by voting for Dr. Paul instead of the candidate that you feel has a “real chance to win.”
I understand this concern. But, let me allay your fears relative to this concern…
Some people have compared Dr. Paul’s current popularity (do a Google search on “Ron Paul”) to the third party candidacy of Ross Perot in 1992. Many people blamed (and still blame) Ross Perot for taking votes away from George Bush and allowing Bill Clinton to be elected.
They would tell you that voting for Ron Paul might do the same in 2008 and (by default) that your vote for Ron Paul is, essentially, a vote for the Democratic front-runner.
This is not a valid analogy.
Ron Paul is a TEN TERM Republican.
He is running as a Republican.
If you vote for him and he wins…many political analysts have stated that he is the ONLY Republican candidate that has a real chance of beating the Democratic front runners.
In our “politically divided” country, both parties have a very solid minority of base voters that approaches 50%. Consequently, the “wins” generally go to who can bring in the independent/undecided/non-base voters “in the middle.”
Once you research Ron Paul’s base of support, you will discover that it is the most diverse (left/right, Republican/Democratic, Christian/Non-Christian) of any of the other candidates.
Ron Paul has already demonstrated his ability (if nominated as the Republican candidate) to gain support from the traditional Republican/conservative base…and he has the ability to draw in huge numbers of Democrats and Independents as well. He only needs 51% in the general election to win.
If you vote for him during the primaries and he does not win the nomination, you do NO damage to the eventual Republican front-runner.
Remember: Dr. Paul is running as a Republican. Your vote during primaries WILL NOT (in any way) affect the final outcome of the general election.
At worse, your vote for Dr. Paul, during the primaries, will serve to remind the eventual winner that they need to remember our values and concerns. You will be helping to improve the platform of the eventual winner. You will still have the opportunity (in the general elections) to vote for whomever you feel is “the best candidate still standing.”
For my readers that are not of the Republican persuasion, I want you to know that I am not “assuming” that, as a Christian, you should or will be voting Republican. I am simply addressing the fact that a large majority of my readers are of this persuasion…and they are worried that a vote for Dr. Paul might be a strategic/political mistake. I am not assuming that this persuasion is the best or most “Christian.” I think such an assumption would be “unChristian” and arrogant. To you, I think you will find that you have a surprising number of reasons to consider Dr. Paul; one of his fastest growing group of voters is Democrats and Independents.
Below you will find several videos regarding Dr. Ron Paul. I hope you find them interesting and inspiring.
If you want to learn more about Ron Paul’s positions, visit Ron Paul 2008.
If you would like to learn more about other Christians that are supporting Ron Paul, visit Christians For Ron Paul.
It was from a Christian woman whose husband sexually abused her children and is now going away to prison.
I wanted to re-post it here (with my response) for two important reasons:
1) It is a “reality check” for any of you that are feeling “put upon” or ungrateful for your current situation. God never promised us, in this life, that it would be easy. But, you need to thank God that you (most likely) are not dealing with a situation like this.
2) I felt slightly (actually…VERY) at a loss to offer any substantial, tangible help to this woman. Although, I thought that there was a good chance that someone in our “audience” might have some expertise in this area.
If you do, please go to the forums and offer her some support and advice.
how far does forgivness go?
dear all. this is my first post, and am looking for a little spiritual guideance. i have been married to my husband for 35.years. we have both been born again christians for 24.years. unknown to me my husband had a sexually abusive history when i met him. it was a second marriage for both of us. he had 4.children from a previous partner and i had 3. we joined together as one big happy family. it came to light 13.months ago that he had abused 4. of our children. 2.of his and 2.of mine. his eldest daughter was only 2.years old it carried on till she was 8.years old. he abused his 4.year old son also. he abused my eldest daughter from 3.years old till ten then raped her constantly for 2.years till she got pregnant and he made her have an abortion. he also abused my youngest daughter for 9.months. he has been on police bail for 13.months and got convicted 2.weeks ago, he got 10.years prison.being a christian i have forgiven him. but i want a divorce now. how do i stand as regards christianity.? people in my church give me mixed advice. can you tell me what you think. this has split my family apart. regards sheila xx
My response…
Sheilam,
We are honored that you chose to share your situation and pain with our members.
As moderators of this board, the only real (guaranteed) help that we can offer for you is our thoughts and prayers. Susan and I will pray for you and your situation. And, we ask ALL OTHER MEMBERS to please do the same.
That being said…
You are going through a situation of which nightmares are made.
As it says in Scripture, “It rains on the unjust and just alike.” But, you, Sister, have been through a hurricane.
Before you can move forward, you MUST clearly realize that you are in a “life or death” struggle to save yourself and your family from destruction on many levels.
You need INFINITELY more help and support than you can find in a small forum such as this.
You need to IMMEDIATELY find professional and spiritual help in a BIG and REAL way.
Professionally, there are a multitude of governmental programs and offerings that could be of help.
You need to get yourself and your children into counseling IMMEDIATELY.
You will not survive this hurricane with a rowboat and one broken paddle…
You need the ARMY,NAVY and MARINES to be helping to pull you out of the dangerous part of the storm.
Whether your children want/desire this sort of help, you need to FORCE it upon them.
They have been damaged (whether they realize it or not) and you need to FORCE their healing. This WILL NOT happen “naturally.”
If your husband is going to be safely away in prison, you are blessed (at least in one way). If he is not, you need to get you and your family to somewhere safe. If that is a “woman’s shelter,” do it.
One of your primary responsibilities as a mother is to protect your children. Now that you know the danger that your husband poses, you need to do EVERYTHING possible to further protect yourself and your children from this monster.
If you were truly “taken by surprise” by your husband’s abuse, then I would spend NO TIME worrying/accepting blame for what happened. The question, now, is, “What are you going to do to protect/fix/heal them…going forward?”
Spiritually….
Start with going to God RIGHT NOW. Get on your knees NOW and ask God to reveal to you EXACTLY what you need to do to help yourself and your children to overcome this horrible disaster that has befallen you and them.
Then, you need to IMMEDIATELY seek out a Church or Christian group that will not just talk about helping you…but will DEMONSTRATE their willingness to help.
You will need friends. You may need somewhere for you or your children to stay. You may need money or food or rides to counseling.
If you ask God for this help….he will guide you to local Christians/ a church that will be there for you.
There is only one explicit Scripture that provides a “carte Blanche” support for divorce. It is in the case where your spouse has committed adultery.
As my father has said about this topic, “Scripture says you can divorce, it doesn’t say you HAVE to…or SHOULD.”
I think this advice is helpful in situations that deal in “everyday” types of affairs…maybe…it depends on the situation.
But…
YOUR HUSBAND RAPED YOUR CHILDREN.
You should be far beyond any “wondering” about whether you should divorce him or not. You should be ASSUMING that the divorce is a fact.
If, you get ANY advice other than this from the church/Christian group that you are working with….RUN from them as fast as you can.
Jesus was “the prince of peace.” But, one of his most graphic, judgmental, vindictive, statements (drowning by hanging a big stone around their necks) was in reference to hurting or leading astray children.
Child abuse is the clearest, most obvious violation of God’s will that could possibly exist.
I can’t judge your husband’s ultimate destiny; only God can. But, I can “lay odds” that your husband’s destiny is not a pretty one.
You need to find local (face to face) help…lots of it…IMMEDIATELY.
But, if there is any way that we can help, PM us. And, I’m sure that other members of this board will be willing to help, if possible.
Who knows? God is powerful. Maybe a member of this board lives in the same city that you do.
I sometimes see Christians complain that Hollywood “never” makes any good movies anymore.
I disagree. I think that there are many examples of recent movies that were both family-friendly, morally-safe and uplifting.
I agree that these types of movies are the “exception to the rule” and I encourage fellow Christians to “put their money where their mouths are” when Hollywood does make such movies…so that they have the financial incentive to continue to do so.
Last night, Susan and I watched a movie that I can’t recommend more highly.
I don’t believe that there was a single curse word.
There was not one allusion to anything immoral or debacherous.
It promoted family.
It promoted values and faith.
It was a wonderful, “feel good” experience that made you want to cry and cheer with joy.
It is called “The Astronaut Farmer.”
It stars Billy Bob Thorton as an ex-Astronaut that has the dream of accomplishing what he could not in his career with NASA…going into space in a “home made” rocket.
Why did I love this movie?
Because it positively portrays a family that is willing to be “different.”
Because almost every scene made me think of my family’s life as Christians in a non-Christian world.
No. I don’t plan on building a rocket in the back yard.
But, I do struggle to “dare to dream” that our family can (within God’s will) accomplish whatever dreams that God has placed in our hearts.
And, I empathized with the pressures to “just be normal and realistic” that are put on the main characters in this movie.
Society does not understand my family’s priorities or goals or dreams, as it didn’t understand the Astronaut Farmer’s.
At one point in the movie, Farmer’s father-in-law tells him, “You are one fabulous father. You got your family dreaming together.”
I want to be that type of father.
And, one of the movies that will motivate me for years to come is…”The Astronaut Farmer.”
This is a “pre-launch” because we are still adding moderators and working out some of the technical bugs.
Our ultimate goal with this site is to create the largest, free Christian marriage community on the Internet.
Before you visit, though, I wanted to answer a few questions that we have received regarding these forums…
-Unlike our other sites, they are NOT primarily focused on sex or sexual issues. They are intended to be a valuable resource for ALL aspects of your Christian marriage. Although we will help to moderate the sex related forums, we will be only TWO of MANY moderators.
-For the next few weeks, the forums will look BARE; you are witnessing and participating in the very beginning of this site. Please don’t let this stop you from posting or responding. WE NEED YOUR HELP and willingness to participate if we are ALL going to make this a successful and valuable resource for Christian married people.
Please take a look around the forums AND POST.
Thank you, in advance, for your participation.
Our prayers and hopes are that, in a very short time, these forums will be a significant resource for all Christian married people.
Within the next week, we will be officially launching a Christian Marriage Forum site that we are very excited about. We are still putting the final touches on this site, but you can now login and begin posting.
For fun, I have decided to add a sub forum that will allow us to add “phrases I thought I’d never have to say.” As a parent, I have had to say many such phrases…
“Don’t throw knives at your brothers…”
“Don’t stick your tongue in the light socket…”
“Don’t throw the dog off the deck…”
And, my most recent…
“Don’t play with gasoline and fire…”
Until very recently, Sue and I have had little opportunity to escape for date nights. But, recently, we have begun to trust that the kids are old enough to handle being alone for a few hours. Last week, we went to a small local concert.
Our house tends to be the house where ALL the kids hang out, so when we left, there where (literally) fifteen kids in our driveway. But, we made it very clear that NO ONE was allowed in the house while we were gone and they were to NOT BE STUPID. My famous last line is always, “Don’t burn the house down.”
When we returned, the kids were still in the driveway (11:30 PM, Halogen Flood Lights Blasting the rest of the neighborhood, fifteen kids making a ruckus…but NO ONE was in the house) so I thought I should be really proud of my kids.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon…
Sue is browsing the kid’s Myspaces and their friend’s Myspaces. She finds the picture (below), with the label, “ohh that was so funn ..bobby inspired this and gasoline.” It was taken the night we were at the concert.
Which, of course, led to my newest addition to the “phrases I thought I’d never have to say.”
Below is the video for Heartland’s song, “I loved her first.”
I am challenging all fathers with daughters to sit through the whole video
without (at least) tearing up.
What a great song.
Have a wonderful weekend.
The lyrics are below the video.
Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love your alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I’m not gonna stand in your way
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful women with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But its still hard to give her away
I loved her first
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I’m going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first
