How To Increase Female Sex Drive
Lately, we’ve been getting quite a few emails about how to increase female sex drive.
Some of these emails are from women that feel guilty that they are not as interested in sex as their husbands seem to be.
Some of these are from men that are feeling desperate to increase the frequency of sex within their marriage.
The following post on our Christian Marriage Forum is typical of these:
I notice there isn’t an option for “less than once per month”. I’m happy for those of you who enjoy intimacy with your spouse frequently. And when I think I have it bad, I re-read the “zero” posts.
What I really hate about the infrequency of intercourse in our marriage is the up-and-down emotional roller-coaster. When we have sex, I feel happy and at peace with the world and am ready to tackle anything. After a week, I still hold out hope that we won’t be waiting for another month. After two weeks, I’m starting to grumble inside. After four weeks, I’m wondering how much more of this lifestyle I can possibly stand. Then we have sex, and I feel good again and wonder why I was making such a fuss.
I really don’t understand the dichotomy in my wife’s attitude about sex. She almost always enjoys it, and when I suggest we should have it more often, she is quick to agree. But she won’t make it a priority. Grumble….
This post touches on several important things to consider relative to female sex drive:
1) The female sex drive is different than the male sex drive. It is no less powerful, but it is definitely different in how it is expressed and “fired up.”
2) Learning how to increase the female sex drive can have dramatically positive effects on the marriage relationship, in general. The frequency (or lack thereof) of sex within a Christian marriage is a good indicator of the overall status of the relationship.
When giving advice to Christian husbands on how to increase female sex drive, I start with the following advice:
1) Start with the relationship.
Your married sex life and your ability to increase female sex drive is directly related to the quality of your relationship. If either of you are carrying around resentments or anger, it is virtually impossible to create an environment in the bedroom that is conducive to truly exciting sex.
Ensure that you are contributing to the “emotional bank” of your marriage relationship BEFORE you attempt to increase your wife’s female sex drive. If you are trying to take to many “sexual withdrawals” from the relationship and not investing much “emotional deposits” the rest of the week, it will be difficult to increase your wife’s sex drive.
2) Make sure that your wife has the motivation to become sexually interested.
Consciously and subconsciously, we are all motivated (very deeply) by two major motivations…pleasure and pain.
Is your wife usually “rewarded” with intense (orgasmic) pleasure when you have sex? Or, is it more about you (the husband)?
I guarantee you that the easiest, quickest way to increase any female’s sex drive is to give her the confidence that her willingness to “rev the sexual engines” will be rewarded with an an orgasm (or multiple orgasms).
On the other hand, if her only reward for “revving the engines” is to see YOU have fun, she will have much less motivation to even get started down that road.
If she has difficulty achieving orgasm, you may want to try Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.
3)Give her a chance to “rev the engines.”
Speaking of “revving the engines,” it is important that Christian husbands know that their wife’s sex drive is very different than their own.
Males need very little “warming up” or “revving the engines.” Sexually, most men go from 1st gear to 5th in a matter of (milli) seconds. The number one way to increase female sex drive is to realize that females need this “warm up” and “revving the engines” time BEFORE their deep and intense sexual desire and arousal processes kick into gear.
This is helpful to know for two reasons:
1) You will stop fighting nature and be more conscious of the fact that you MUST do the things that will create an environment that, naturally, allows your wife to become interested in sex.
2) If both of you are aware of this fact, you can use it to your advantage. Many couples have told us that their sex lives were dramatically improved simply by knowing that females CAN become just as interested in sex (as their husband) if they just make the decision to participate in the activities (hugging, kissing, talking closely, taking a bath together) that will (almost magically) increase female sex drive and their arousal processes.
The beautiful thing is…after (most) females work through this initial stage of lesser desire, they are MORE passionate and insatiable than are their husbands!
Posted: August 30th, 2007 under increase female sex drive.
Comments: 5