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Humor

Are You This Excited About Marriage?

It’s Friday. And, as you know, I try to find a light-hearted topic for Fridays.

Below is a very funny video of a groom VERY excited about getting married.

Do you remember when you were this excited about marriage?

I can’t prove it, but I am fairly certain that his groom had just finished reading Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife…and was REALLY looking forward to the wedding night!

Enjoy the video. And, try to bring a little of that excitement to your marriage this weekend. If not now, when?

Have a great weekend.

Medieval on your heini…

Most Fridays, I try to lighten it up a bit and give you a laugh.

If you can watch the following video and not laugh…you really need to lighten up.

Enjoy and have a great weekend.

Don’t forget…

Think youre really righteous?
Think youre pure in heart?
Well, I know Im a million time as humble as thou art
Im the pious guy the little amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin points for the afterlife
So dont be vain and dont be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heini

A Sexual Activity Flowchart For Your Weekend…

As you know, one of my pet peeves (in general) expressed in our books, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, is that some Christians are so quick to impose their preferences and opinions regarding sex and sexuality on their brothers and sisters.

Usually, this takes the form of what I call, “two-step inferences.” Two-step inferences look like this…

1) The Bible denounces “unnatural” sex acts.

2) I think [fill in the blank] is unnatural.

3) The Bible thinks [fill in the blank] is unnatural.

Or (my personal favorite)…

1) The Bible condemns homosexuality.

2) I associate [fill in the blank] with homosexuality.

3) Therefore, [fill in the blank] is condemned.

This type of reasoning drives me nuts. And, considering that these “opinions” and “preferences” are usually more driven by culture than Scripture, it is easy to see their irrelevance.

As you know, I always try to make Friday’s posts a little less serious. And, in the light of the above context, I want to provide my readers with a valuable resource that you will (hopefully) have an opportunity to utilize THIS VERY WEEKEND.

It is a “medieval sexual decision flowchart” that I found on the site Boing Boing.

It was submitted by one of their readers. It is taken from James Brundage’s Book “Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe.”

The reader says…

In his book “Law, Sex, and Christian Society in Medieval Europe,” James Brundage creates a truly fantastic flow chart explaining when one can and (mostly) cannot engage in the physical act of love.

At the time, a lot of Christian theology basically took the form of lists of things one wasn’t allowed to do, so this flow chart probably isn’t far off from the real decision making process prescribed by the church.

If you are feeling frisky this weekend, but want to ensure that you are “following the rules” (imposed by other Christians; not Scripture), then this flow chart should serve you well.

If you are going to limit yourself based upon “cultural” constraints, why not utilize medieval cultural restraints?

Have a great weekend…but don’t get TOO wild.

Don’t Let This Be You…

The “Onion” (www.theonion.com) is, in my opinion the greatest newspaper in the world.

It is (supposedly) only “satire” but I still like it better than most other news sources. It almost never fails to cause me to laugh out loud.

Last week, it printed an article titled, “Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating ‘Romantic Weekend Getaway.”

“KENOSHA, WI—Sources report that longtime married couple Duane and Edna Schumacher’s weekend stay at Chicago’s FantasyLand Suites was a grueling ordeal of unwelcome interruptions to their long-established marital routine…”

Unfortunately, the attitudes expressed in this article are not that different from those of many of the Christian married couples that we interact with each week.

My favorite lines…

The Schumachers said the unbearable ordeal began at check-in, when the reservations clerk handed the couple their keys, winked, and said, “Enjoy your stay.” From that moment forth, virtually everything that occurred during the weekend induced cringes and winces from the aging pair.

“I love Edna, and I enjoy spending time with her,” Duane, 58, said. “But when you’re at that place, wherever you go, you know that the staff thinks you’re either just coming from, or on your way to, having sex. I don’t care for that kind of attention…We’ve been married for 30 years. There comes a point in a man and woman’s life when you’re happy just to get a good night’s sleep,”

You can find the entire article here.

Enjoy.

Eggs Under Your Bed…

A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.

“Oh those”, she replied, “every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box”.

Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, “But what about the $7,000?”

“Oh that”, she replied, “every time I got a dozen I sold them.”

Don’t let this happen to you!

Improve your Christian sex life with Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife and save yourself years worth of eggs under your bed!