This week, a new Walgreens opened in our town.

I wasn’t really certain why we needed a 24 hour pharmacy, but after one of our first purchases there, I am a Walgreens fan.

We were there simply to check out the new store opening. But, while there, we spotted a new product from Johnson and Johnson’s KY brand…

“Yours And Mine.”

KY has recently introduced several new “intimacy” products, but NONE as cool and fun as this one.

This product is genius.

It is one of those few “intimacy” products that in both packaging and effect is a “home run.”

It perfectly captures the spirit of what we are trying to promote on this site and in, especially, our latest books, Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples and Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples…sensuality with a sense of fun and excitement.

“Yours and Mine” is a set of two different “intimate lubricants; one for her and one for him.

Each lubricant is in it’s own colored container.

Each lubricant gives a different sensation when it touches skin.

The lettering on the containers glows in the dark.

And, even better…

When the two lubricants are “mixed together” (you figure out the best way to do this!), they create a third, and different, joint sensation!

This product is cool, fun and cheap (less than $20.00) and will provide you and your spouse with many nights of play.

Below is the press release for the product and a video about it. There is a cute little commercial for the product at the end of the video, as well.

K-Y® BRAND YOURS+MINE™
THE FIRST “HIS + HER” INTIMACY PRODUCT FOR COUPLES!
ANOTHER “GLOWING” BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT FROM THE K-Y® BRAND

Skillman, New Jersey (4/28/08) /PRNewswire/ – Today the leader in healthy intimacy, the K-Y® Brand, announced the first intimacy enhancing product for couples — K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™. Knowing it takes two to create a magical encounter, YOURS+MINE™ offers two lubricants with different sensations. One is invigorating for him, the other thrilling for her and together they add up to a totally new experience. Looking to add even more fun? Expose the tubes to light during the day and the words on the vials will glow in the dark, making his “Yours” and her “Mine” easy to find.

“K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ was developed for couples to experience and enjoy together” explains Daniel Weiss, Group Product Director of Personal Care Products. “Through our ongoing conversations with consumers, we have found that couples are consistently looking for ways to enhance their time together. We recognize that it is not just about one partner or the other — it is about the couple.”

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ serves as a catalyst for creating emotional and physical connections between partners because it provides a unique and fun new way for couples to communicate on an intimate level. Both partners will be curious to know what the other is experiencing, providing the perfect scenario for communication.

YOURS+MINE™ is another innovation by K-Y® Brand designed to enhance intimacy between couples. The brand continues to bring innovation to the intimacy market because the importance of touch extends far beyond the bedroom — recent research suggests that couples who have more frequent and more fulfilling intimacy also report having stronger emotional relationships overall. In addition, studies are showing that men and women with satisfying intimate relations report better physical and mental health.

Different Kind of Product, A Different Kind of Look
To reflect the innovative concept behind K-Y® Brand’s dual lubricants, YOURS+MINE™ is encased in modern, sleek packaging. Two separate test tubes house the lubricants: electric blue for him, vibrant purple for her. Both are capped off with easy to dispense tops and housed in a lustrous black box – with silver accents.

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ is available now at drug, food and mass retailers. The suggested retail price is $19.99 for two test tube vials, each 1.5 fl oz.

Go Walgreens and KY!

Posted: May 8th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Sex Toys.
Comments: none

I seem to have book marked a few Mark Driscoll Videos this week.

Mark is the founder and current “Preaching Pastor ” at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Mars Hill is considered one of the new “mega churches” and is unique in that, despite it’s ultra “hip” approach to presentation, its message is very “old school” conservative (can you say ‘Five Points of Calvinism?’).

Several times per month, they have a service in which Driscoll answers questions from the audience (sent via text message).

In the following video, Mark addresses the question, “Is it okay to read books about how to better pleasure my spouse?”

As you would imagine, its a question after my own heart…

In the video, Mark mentions several great resources for those looking for Christian sex advice.

Additionally (hint, hint), you may want to consider Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Enjoy…

Posted: May 6th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 1

Yesterday, I received the following email.

Since this email (and my response) deals with questions that we receive quite often, I thought that the exchange might be helpful to many of you…

Dear Robert,

I just purchased & downloaded your “Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband”. I looked through the book, just to get a cursory idea of the content. I found so much of what you wrote, right on target.

I am a 55 year old woman… I began going through menopause around 49-50 and have been on estrogen therapy since. I had my uterus (only) removed when I was 36. About a 10 months ago I decided that I didn’t want to take the estrogen pills (Premarin) any longer. I have always been more on the “dry” side lubrication-wise, but with the onset of menopause I found that sex became increasingly more painful, and that I was being rubbed “raw”, due to the thinning of vaginal tissue, (even with KY lubrication) with pink tinged fluid afterwards. I am way too young still, to give up on having a wonderful & satisfying sex life with my husband. So my doctor recommended that I begin using “Estring” instead for estrogen hormone therapy, which I have done. I have found that the direct release of estrogen in the vagina has vastly improved my vaginal tissue, and my ability to feel pleasure again during sex. It is inserted and pops into place just past the pubic bone, (if you’re familiar with the birth control ring, it works on the same principle).

My questions are…

1) I would really like to try achieving sexual pleasure by G-spot stimulation (as well as improved clitoral stimulation too), but am wondering if having the ring in place will prevent or hinder accessing my G-spot?

2) I am somewhat hesitant in giving your book to my husband, because I don’t want to make him feel inadequate, (he can sometimes be quite sensitive about it). Our sex life, after 20 years, is in need of a major tune-up. Between careers, kids, families, etc., time had become an ever-elusive commodity. And for about the last 5 years or more, most of our lovemaking from foreplay to his ejaculation, lasts anywhere from 5 – 8 minutes.

The part about improperly stimulating your woman made me laugh… because it was describing us to a ‘T’. Even though I have made a point of trying to gently show or tell him what feels good, it hasn’t helped. The funny thing is, he used to know how, and very well as a matter of fact. Any suggestions on how I can bring this up now without ‘offending’ him?

Well that was more than I intended to inquire about, ha ha. I appreciate your reading my email and I hope that you will be able to reply at your earliest convenience.

Thanks for your time,
Diana

Diana,

Whether the ring will affect your ability to reach your G spot depends upon your individual anatomy.

This video (Not Safe For Work) will give you a better idea of where your G Spot is located and the best way to stimulate it.

Most husbands care (very much) if they are properly pleasing their wives in bed.

Sometimes, it is necessary to be as blunt as possible (when all else fails)…”Honey, that is NOT working. Can you try this, please?”

This bluntness, coupled with a willingness to “work together” toward your pleasure will usually achieve wonders.

Robert

Posted: April 23rd, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: none

Last week, we received a letter from one of our readers that described a miraculous change in his married sex life.

For those of you still struggling, I thought you might find a glimmer of hope in this letter.

Like many of the success stories that we receive, there are familiar themes:

1) An initial desperation bordering on loss of hope that their married sex life will ever improve.

2) A faith that God DOES care about (even) their married sex life.

3) A patient and respectful attitude toward their spouse.

4) A surprised and overwhelmingly grateful feeling when a miracle finally happens.

Pray for us this evening. We have really been struggling sexually but, since reading Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For the Christian Wife, my wife claims she has finally seen the light. I got one of those “romantic overnights” at [a nice hotel in the city] for us tonight - yes tonight (Monday). I am taking off tomorrow morning.

I am ready to be her lover and she is ready to be my lover again - just like we were in the beginning but older, wiser and with a deeper of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ through the gift you and Susan have given us because of your faithfulness to the Him.

Amen Amen Amen. We will take it slow and easy.

David,

Thanks for the nice email.

Our prayers are with you tonight.

But, don’t forget…you have many more nights ahead…don’t put too much pressure on either of you.

Robert

We had a lovely, soft, gentle romantic evening. We both had the very best time we have had together in a long time. She was free and open and I was patient, loving and warm. This morning she said she wants to make love to me just like that for 30 straight days just to make sure we make a habit of pouring out our love for each other regularly (I almost fell out of bed). Now that is a good Christian work ethic - hahahahahhahaha.

I have really developed my pc muscle and she said she could feel like I have grow a couple of inches (width and length) - she was below the base of my p*nis - she was gently massaging it with the outer rim of her v**ina way deep and I stayed real still and perfectly hard but just pushed against her ever so gently in half circles with her until she came.

On me, she was at a place that has never been touched before and I felt those non-ejaculatory o’s and when I finally did have a wet one (when she asked me too) it was nearly insane. It has been hours since we left the hotel and I can still feel a warm soothing glow…

…Praise God from whom all blessing flow. When I prayed with her before we left this morning, she cried and said how much she missed me. I have always been there for her but Susan’ book rekindled her “want” of her man who loves her deeply and you have showed me the way to love my wife the way she needs to be loved.

Dave

Posted: April 21st, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian sex books, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

The April 3rd Issue of The Christian Marriage Secrets Newsletter has been posted here: Christian Sex Newsletter.

Posted: April 2nd, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

When I was seven or eight years old, one of the more popular songs on the radio was Chuck Berry’s “My Dingaling.”

Chuck claims (tongue in cheek, I think) that the song is a completely innocent song about a child’s toy.

The chorus is something like, “I love to play with my dingaling…”

Despite Chuck’s assertion that this song was NOT about masturbation, many adults felt certain that it WAS about masturbation…including my Father.

So, when he heard me happily singing (very loudly), “My dingaling…my dingaling…I’m going to play with my dingaling,” he was none too pleased and (if I recall correctly) slapped me silly.

Why, you might ask, would I share that story with you?

Because, in the past week or so, I have received a flood of emails asking about masturbation relative to Scripture and Christian marriage…and this post is about masturbation…and…the thought of my Father chasing me around, trying to slap me, for singing that song amuses me…and its my blog…so, you too will now have to live the rest of your life with that image floating around in your head.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way…

What is the deal with masturbation for Christians (in and out of marriage)?

Let’s start with Scripture.

There are a total of ZERO references to masturbation in Scripture.

Yes…ZERO.

Many people believe (or incorrectly preach) that the story of Onan (in Genesis 38:9) is a story about masturbation. It is not.

The sin of Onan in this story was not fulfilling his obligation to impregnate the widow of his brother…not masturbation.

So, the first MAJOR clue about the fact that Scripture (God) don’t feel that masturbation is inherently wrong is that it doesn’t specifically mention this act…let alone prohibit it.

One of the oldest (and best) sites that deals with Christianity and sex is www.themarriagebed.com. This site has an entire section devoted to masturbation.

It does address this silence in Scripture regarding masturbation and (in my opinion) does a great job summing up how I feel about this silence.

I can only come up with three reasons why “thou shalt not masturbate” is not found in the Bible:

1. It’s an oversight.
2. One must have special knowledge or be spiritual to know this truth.
3. Masturbation is not an inherently sinful act.

What have other prominent Christians said about masturbation?

Dr. James Dobson, founder of “Focus on the Family,” teaches that parents should NOT hassle their children regarding masturbation.

His reasoning (as a Doctor and Pastor) is the following:

1) There is no scientific evidence that masturbation is harmful to the body or mind.

2) There is scientific evidence that masturbation can be a healthy release for natural sexual urges that have no other outlet.

3) There is an unnatural and unnecessary danger of creating negative, confusing and guilt-ridden feelings about their bodies and sexuality.

You can find his entire article regarding this topic here.

Judith K. Balswick and Jack O. Balswick write in their book Authentic Human Sexuality: An Integrated Christian Approach:

Masturbation can be a healthy, enjoyable way for a person without a sexual partner to experience sexual gratification. Since God has created humans as sexual beings, masturbation provides a way for individuals to experience their sexuality and meet their sexual needs. (p. 246)
Jesus warns that lust leads to adultery, and adultery is sin. However, lusting is not the same as fantasizing ….

Fantasies about future possibilities are usually benign…. Desiring a specific person, and directing on ways to fulfill the desire, is a form of lust.

Fantasy, on the other hand, is more general and does not include attempts at achieving that exact fantasy. (p. 247)

I find the above quote particularly interesting because it dares to approach the subject of “lust versus fantasy.” I have seldom seen Christians that are willing to EVEN broach that topic (I will…below).

In Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology (Fortress, 1990, ISBN 0-8066-1701-2), James B. Nelson, writes:

In the midst of dualistic alienation, we seek unification, or more accurately, communion. Orgasm is a gift of God’s grace toward this end. (p. 172)

Among life’s unifying experiences, Gordon contends, orgasm is particularly powerful … The physiological intensity typical in masturbatory orgasm frequently surpasses that of intercourse, and relational fantasies usually accompany the act in compensation for the absence of the partner. (p. 171)

Archibald Hart, a psychologist-theologian at Fuller Theological Seminary observed,

I do not believe that masturbation itself is morally wrong, or … sinful.

If we assume (we do) that the act of masturbation is NOT inherently wrong for Christians, then there are three remaining issues to be addressed:

1) Can masturbation be done without “crossing the line” into “lustful” thoughts that ARE truly wrong?

2) When do “fantasies” cross the line into “lustful” thoughts?

3) What effect is masturbation having on you and your marriage?

Can masturbation be done without “lustful” thoughts?

We believe it can.

We believe this based upon our personal experience and the experience of hundreds of couples we have coached.

Does it take a bit of mental “discipline?” Yes. But, this does not mean it is not possible.

And, it is important to address the fact that masturbation does NOT necessarily assume that you are going to be alone when masturbating!

For Christian couples, masturbation (and mutual masturbation) can be a very exciting and fun activity within the marriage bed.

Many (many, many) husbands and wives find it sensual and a real “turn on” to watch their spouse masturbate.

So, for most of us, the majority of our “masturbation” will most likely take place WITH our spouse…completely avoiding the need for any fantasies or lustful thoughts.

When do “fantasies” cross the line into “lustful” thoughts?

Hmmm….

This is, honestly, NOT a question I have spent much time pondering (like some of the egghead theologians above).

I have always “assumed” that any thoughts or fantasies that did not include our spouse (only), were probably “crossing the line.”

This is the “test” that we apply and recommend to couples.

I am open to the discussion that fantasies are really not lustful thoughts…but it seems like such an arcane discussion that I really don’t have much energy for it.

What effect is masturbation having on your marriage?

In my opinion, this is “where the rubber meets the road” (no pun intended).

In many ways, to masturbate or not is a personal decision that has EVERYTHING to do with your particular situation.

Do you masturbate because you have a much higher sex drive than your spouse…and you are utilizing masturbation as a “favor” to your spouse…you are tempering your needs against theirs?

Or, are you masturbating to the point that you are “defrauding” your spouse by stealing away sexual energy that they need and desire?

Are you in the majority in that masturbation, without lustful thoughts, is almost impossible?

Or, are you in the minority, and can masturbate without such thoughts?

If your spouse knew that you were masturbating, would they be shocked, hurt and angered?

Or, is your spouse fine with you “taking care of business” when the need arises?

Since we do not feel that masturbation is INHERENTLY wrong, then we must approach the act similarly to how we would approach almost any act relative to our marriage.

Is playing chess inherently wrong? No.

But, if you are spending twelve hours per day…and investing ALL of your energies on it…stealing away time and focus from your spouse…than it can be wrong.

Ultimately, it is a matter for you and your spouse to work out…

Not me or James Dobson or Chuck Berry…

Posted: March 27th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian masturbation.
Comments: 5

The Easter edition of “The Christian Marriage Secrets Newsletter” has been posted HERE.

Posted: March 20th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

There was a very interesting thread posted in our Christian Marriage Forum last week.

A Christian wife was concerned that her husband was “weird” for desiring a certain type of sex act with her. She wanted to know what the others in the forum felt about this particular situation.

As you know, if you have read either Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, Scripture is very clear on what is prohibited (and what is not) within the marriage bed.

And, with very few exceptions, anything done with “good faith” and “charity” should be considered an option within the Christian marriage bed.

As C. S. Lewis says in “The Malcolm Letters”…

“Sex in itself cannot be moral or immoral any more than gravitation or nutrition. The sexual behavior of human beings can. And like their economic, or political, or agricultural, or parental or filial behavior, it is sometimes good and sometimes bad. And the sexual act, when lawful-which means chiefly when consistent with good faith and charity-can, like all other merely natural acts (”whether we eat or drink etc.,” a the apostle says), be done to the glory of God, and will then be holy. And like other natural acts it is sometimes so done, and sometimes not.”

The analogy of our sexuality and marriage bed being a “crucible” in which our two souls are combined and refined through our mutuality and love is one of my favorites.

And, as I have mentioned before, I ascribe to Dr. David Schnarch’s idea that the best way to ensure a happy marriage and sex life is NOT to rely ONLY on those activities that you are both 100% comfortable with and excited about. It is better to teach yourself how to be more and more comfortable with those activities that your spouse enjoys. Through this process, you expand your comfort zones and you learn how to better please your spouse.

In this view, it is more noble for a couple to, unselfishly focus on better pleasing their spouse…as opposed to “honoring” the past “rules” and “comfort zones.”

With this approach, a Couple can experience an exciting, mutual sexual journey…that can last a lifetime.

Within this thread on the forum, one of our moderators, Pastor Meleney Kriel, author of the new book, Undefiled, brought up a related concept that made me scream, “Exactly! Yes!” when I read her words.

She wrote…

“You are your husband’s only sexual partner.

If your husband is going to have his sexual needs legitimately met, it will be by you and no one else.

If you don’t meet his needs, and to a certain extent his wants, he goes “hungry.”

There is no substitute wife who can fill in for you.

It’s a scary and vulnerable place to be for a husband.

Your husband needs for you to be his sexual partner. If you don’t, he has no legitimate place to turn.

He craves that intimacy ~ physically, emotionally, relationally and, I believe, spiritually.

Please be aware of this need and the lack of other options for filling that need.

I do not believe that this is an insignificant need. Sexuality is an integral part of both men and women.”

Of course this concept applies to both husbands and wives. But the basic thought is the same…

Your spouse has only YOU available to properly and completely express their sexuality.

So, assuming that your spouse’s desires are within those activities that are “undefiled” within the Christian marriage bed, then you have a choice to make…

Will you focus ONLY on your past “rules” and “comfort zones” (i.e. your needs) or your spouse’s desires and interests (i.e. their needs)?

Of course, in a good marriage, the answer will be BOTH…at different times.

But, focusing ONLY on one or the other can lead to a less than fulfilling sexual relationship.

Posted: March 19th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Christian Wives, christian sex books, christian sex education, Christian Husbands.
Comments: 3

Last week, I did a bit of a rant after receiving an email from one of our (shall we say) less open minded brothers.

Probably because of that post, we received quite a few unsolicited testimonials for our work and books.

Below is one of my favorites.

It is one of my favorites because I always love to sense the TOTAL dedication to the marriage that you sense in this woman’s writing.

She is willing to learn how to better please her husband.

She talks about he “deserves” such attention.

She is vulnerable and willing to ask questions.

If you are doing wonderful in your marriage relationship, you will find pleasure in seeing other Christian couples that are forging the same path.

If you are struggling, I hope it provides you with hope that YOU TOO can experience relational and sexual miracles in your marriage.

Mr. Irwin,

I was really surprised to see you reply so quickly.

I am so thankful that you took the time to do give me such a great wealth of insight, knowledge, I’m shocked you took so much time to write so much back to me. It’s as if you are really care about our (mine & ***’s) marriage.

This really meant (means) allot to me. “Thank-you” is not enough to express that gratitude for the effect that you and your wife have had on our marriage!!

I actually found your sight on the internet when I was looking up Christian articles on how to prevent affairs in marriage & Christian sex. My husband deserves the best in my opinion and we know there should be more to the small amount of knowledge we have so… I had been reading Dr. Laura’s books (www.drlaura.com) and I wish more women would read her books…. any way I was bound and determined to provide the best I could for ***, I just lacked a lot of knowledge …. Not any more - with great credit to God using the both of you!

I wish you and your wife could hear the excitement in my voice when I say…. Do you have any idea what it feels like to me to see ***’s face BEAM will excitement and joy, satisfaction and love all at the same time? And how about my husbands unusual texting to me and talking - it’s like his tools are all being used instead of sitting in a closed tool box. What joy for me to enjoy him so much more and see him “more turned on” and see him more feeling proud of being a great husband!

I really thank you for all you both are doing!!

Thank you for caring about us and others. Thank you for serving the God of the universe who walked here on earth with us to die and save us all from sin… because you love Jesus Christ so much…I thank you BOTH for what you have done for *** & I.

Thanks for answering my question about masturbation in a way that made me feel human and very smart to ask.

Please keep our email if you both would like us to fill out a questionnaire or for receiving feed back. I (rather) We would be honored to answer/give feed back on the profound impact your books have had on our marriage, friendship, communication, comfort zones, knowledge, wisdom, etc., etc. and all with God as the center.

Janice

Have a great weekend.

Posted: March 14th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian sex books, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

Friday’s post was a little serious, so today’s HAD TO be a little lighter…

As you know, a few weeks ago, we introduced a new resource, Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples.

It includes well over a hundred different positions, so, I know that the premise of the following question (not from one of our readers/visitors) is false.

If the person in the video is you (after you get a shave and ditch the prison issue garb), I suggest that you buy your wife some flowers and work on your persuasion skills!

Posted: March 10th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage, Christian Romance, Kama Sutra, Sex Positions.
Comments: 1