Last week, we received a letter from one of our readers that described a miraculous change in his married sex life.

For those of you still struggling, I thought you might find a glimmer of hope in this letter.

Like many of the success stories that we receive, there are familiar themes:

1) An initial desperation bordering on loss of hope that their married sex life will ever improve.

2) A faith that God DOES care about (even) their married sex life.

3) A patient and respectful attitude toward their spouse.

4) A surprised and overwhelmingly grateful feeling when a miracle finally happens.

Pray for us this evening. We have really been struggling sexually but, since reading Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For the Christian Wife, my wife claims she has finally seen the light. I got one of those “romantic overnights” at [a nice hotel in the city] for us tonight - yes tonight (Monday). I am taking off tomorrow morning.

I am ready to be her lover and she is ready to be my lover again - just like we were in the beginning but older, wiser and with a deeper of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ through the gift you and Susan have given us because of your faithfulness to the Him.

Amen Amen Amen. We will take it slow and easy.

David,

Thanks for the nice email.

Our prayers are with you tonight.

But, don’t forget…you have many more nights ahead…don’t put too much pressure on either of you.

Robert

We had a lovely, soft, gentle romantic evening. We both had the very best time we have had together in a long time. She was free and open and I was patient, loving and warm. This morning she said she wants to make love to me just like that for 30 straight days just to make sure we make a habit of pouring out our love for each other regularly (I almost fell out of bed). Now that is a good Christian work ethic - hahahahahhahaha.

I have really developed my pc muscle and she said she could feel like I have grow a couple of inches (width and length) - she was below the base of my p*nis - she was gently massaging it with the outer rim of her v**ina way deep and I stayed real still and perfectly hard but just pushed against her ever so gently in half circles with her until she came.

On me, she was at a place that has never been touched before and I felt those non-ejaculatory o’s and when I finally did have a wet one (when she asked me too) it was nearly insane. It has been hours since we left the hotel and I can still feel a warm soothing glow…

…Praise God from whom all blessing flow. When I prayed with her before we left this morning, she cried and said how much she missed me. I have always been there for her but Susan’ book rekindled her “want” of her man who loves her deeply and you have showed me the way to love my wife the way she needs to be loved.

Dave

Posted: April 21st, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian sex books, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

There was a very interesting thread posted in our Christian Marriage Forum last week.

A Christian wife was concerned that her husband was “weird” for desiring a certain type of sex act with her. She wanted to know what the others in the forum felt about this particular situation.

As you know, if you have read either Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, Scripture is very clear on what is prohibited (and what is not) within the marriage bed.

And, with very few exceptions, anything done with “good faith” and “charity” should be considered an option within the Christian marriage bed.

As C. S. Lewis says in “The Malcolm Letters”…

“Sex in itself cannot be moral or immoral any more than gravitation or nutrition. The sexual behavior of human beings can. And like their economic, or political, or agricultural, or parental or filial behavior, it is sometimes good and sometimes bad. And the sexual act, when lawful-which means chiefly when consistent with good faith and charity-can, like all other merely natural acts (”whether we eat or drink etc.,” a the apostle says), be done to the glory of God, and will then be holy. And like other natural acts it is sometimes so done, and sometimes not.”

The analogy of our sexuality and marriage bed being a “crucible” in which our two souls are combined and refined through our mutuality and love is one of my favorites.

And, as I have mentioned before, I ascribe to Dr. David Schnarch’s idea that the best way to ensure a happy marriage and sex life is NOT to rely ONLY on those activities that you are both 100% comfortable with and excited about. It is better to teach yourself how to be more and more comfortable with those activities that your spouse enjoys. Through this process, you expand your comfort zones and you learn how to better please your spouse.

In this view, it is more noble for a couple to, unselfishly focus on better pleasing their spouse…as opposed to “honoring” the past “rules” and “comfort zones.”

With this approach, a Couple can experience an exciting, mutual sexual journey…that can last a lifetime.

Within this thread on the forum, one of our moderators, Pastor Meleney Kriel, author of the new book, Undefiled, brought up a related concept that made me scream, “Exactly! Yes!” when I read her words.

She wrote…

“You are your husband’s only sexual partner.

If your husband is going to have his sexual needs legitimately met, it will be by you and no one else.

If you don’t meet his needs, and to a certain extent his wants, he goes “hungry.”

There is no substitute wife who can fill in for you.

It’s a scary and vulnerable place to be for a husband.

Your husband needs for you to be his sexual partner. If you don’t, he has no legitimate place to turn.

He craves that intimacy ~ physically, emotionally, relationally and, I believe, spiritually.

Please be aware of this need and the lack of other options for filling that need.

I do not believe that this is an insignificant need. Sexuality is an integral part of both men and women.”

Of course this concept applies to both husbands and wives. But the basic thought is the same…

Your spouse has only YOU available to properly and completely express their sexuality.

So, assuming that your spouse’s desires are within those activities that are “undefiled” within the Christian marriage bed, then you have a choice to make…

Will you focus ONLY on your past “rules” and “comfort zones” (i.e. your needs) or your spouse’s desires and interests (i.e. their needs)?

Of course, in a good marriage, the answer will be BOTH…at different times.

But, focusing ONLY on one or the other can lead to a less than fulfilling sexual relationship.

Posted: March 19th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Christian Wives, christian sex books, christian sex education, Christian Husbands.
Comments: 3

Last week, I did a bit of a rant after receiving an email from one of our (shall we say) less open minded brothers.

Probably because of that post, we received quite a few unsolicited testimonials for our work and books.

Below is one of my favorites.

It is one of my favorites because I always love to sense the TOTAL dedication to the marriage that you sense in this woman’s writing.

She is willing to learn how to better please her husband.

She talks about he “deserves” such attention.

She is vulnerable and willing to ask questions.

If you are doing wonderful in your marriage relationship, you will find pleasure in seeing other Christian couples that are forging the same path.

If you are struggling, I hope it provides you with hope that YOU TOO can experience relational and sexual miracles in your marriage.

Mr. Irwin,

I was really surprised to see you reply so quickly.

I am so thankful that you took the time to do give me such a great wealth of insight, knowledge, I’m shocked you took so much time to write so much back to me. It’s as if you are really care about our (mine & ***’s) marriage.

This really meant (means) allot to me. “Thank-you” is not enough to express that gratitude for the effect that you and your wife have had on our marriage!!

I actually found your sight on the internet when I was looking up Christian articles on how to prevent affairs in marriage & Christian sex. My husband deserves the best in my opinion and we know there should be more to the small amount of knowledge we have so… I had been reading Dr. Laura’s books (www.drlaura.com) and I wish more women would read her books…. any way I was bound and determined to provide the best I could for ***, I just lacked a lot of knowledge …. Not any more - with great credit to God using the both of you!

I wish you and your wife could hear the excitement in my voice when I say…. Do you have any idea what it feels like to me to see ***’s face BEAM will excitement and joy, satisfaction and love all at the same time? And how about my husbands unusual texting to me and talking - it’s like his tools are all being used instead of sitting in a closed tool box. What joy for me to enjoy him so much more and see him “more turned on” and see him more feeling proud of being a great husband!

I really thank you for all you both are doing!!

Thank you for caring about us and others. Thank you for serving the God of the universe who walked here on earth with us to die and save us all from sin… because you love Jesus Christ so much…I thank you BOTH for what you have done for *** & I.

Thanks for answering my question about masturbation in a way that made me feel human and very smart to ask.

Please keep our email if you both would like us to fill out a questionnaire or for receiving feed back. I (rather) We would be honored to answer/give feed back on the profound impact your books have had on our marriage, friendship, communication, comfort zones, knowledge, wisdom, etc., etc. and all with God as the center.

Janice

Have a great weekend.

Posted: March 14th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian sex books, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none

As you may know, we just released two new resources, Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples and Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples.

And, the success of these new product introductions made me think about how proud I am of our readers and visitors. So many of you are willing to try new things in order to improve your married sex life.

It also reminded me of one of the concepts of one of our favorite Marriage/Sex Therapists, David Schnarch, Ph.D..

Most “old school” marriage and sexual therapists promote the concept that couples should be hyper conscious and respectful of each other’s “comfort zones” (sexual and otherwise).

Dr. Schnarch is famous for disagreeing with this approach.

In his opinion, this is EXACTLY what causes boredom and problems in a married sex life.

One spouse draws a circle that includes only those activities that he/she are “comfortable” with. The other spouse draws their circle. Then, the couple is limited to only only doing those activities that happen to fall in the area where those two circles intersect. The couple is then “stuck” with a very small list of activities…forever!

Instead of focusing only on those things that each is currently 100% comfortable with, Dr. Schnarch suggests that you focus on learning how to “self sooth” or expand your personal “comfort zones,” sexually.

In his opinion, in a successful marriage, it is more important that each individual becomes stronger individuals…than lesser for the sake of the relationship.

This type of expanding of “comfort zones” is very relevant, especially when trying new things you would find in these two new resources.

If you would like to read more from Dr. Schnarch, there is an interview on his website here.

Posted: March 3rd, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Christian Sex Therapy, christian sex books, christian sex education.
Comments: none

Are you ready to take the sexual part of your Christian marriage to the next level?

Are you ever at a loss for new and exciting sexual ideas or activities?

Do you wish that creating the perfect, sensual and intimate evening was as easy as pointing and clicking?

Well, now it is that easy…

In just minutes from now, you can have the most comprehensive resource of fun, sexy and creative sex ideas for Christian couples ever…right at your fingertips.
“Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples,” our latest resource for Christian couples is now available and ready for your immediate download!

This book includes…

-Over 300 “Intimate Questions” and sexual conversation starters.

-Over 50 Ideas For “home made” sexual accessories.

-Over 30 Ideas For Exciting Sexual Environments.

-Over 200 Sex Games And Activities

-Over 100 Creative Lovemaking Techniques

What you won’t find…

-Soft core photos

-Questions or suggestions that don’t factor in your Christian beliefs about things that should be “off limits” for Christian couples

-Vulgar language or descriptions of body parts or sexual acts.

And, as always, as a subscriber to our newsletter, YOU can get your own copy, before anyone else, and at our “Subscribers Only” introductory price and save $20.00!

Since we were a little late getting this offer out today, we are going to make this offer a “72 Hour Special.”

You have all weekend (until Monday, March 3rd @ Noon, EST) to get your copy at the special, low introductory price.

This is a perfect way to guarantee that this weekend (and every weekend) is fun and exciting!

You can take advantage of your special discount pricing here.

Have a great weekend.

Posted: February 29th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Special Offers, christian sex books, christian sex education.
Comments: none

As a special bonus to subscribers to our “Christian Marriage
Secrets” newsletter, we occasionally offer very
limited-time special offers.

For the next 24 hours, you can download the entire
“Ultimate Christian Sex Library” for only $39.00!

Purchased separately, the entire library sells for over
$130.00.

It includes:
-Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
-Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife
-When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood
-She Loves God, Sex & Me
-101 Creative Lovemaking Ideas
-101 Romantic Ideas
-The Ultimate Christian Guide To The G-Spot Site
Subscription
-Sexy Coupons

PLUS…if you order during this limited-time offer, you
will ALSO receive a copy of our “Tastefully Illustrated
Sexual Positions For Christian Couples,” a $37.00 value, as
well!

If you have been “on the fence” about trying the secrets in
our library, NOW is the time to give them a try.

It has been quite some time since we offered a discount on
the library and it may be quite some time till we do again.

All orders absolutely must be received by Tuesday, February
26th at Noon (EST).

You can take advantage of this (extremely) limited-time
offer at:

www.achristiansexsite.com/24hourspecial/index.html

Wishing you passion in all,

Robert Irwin

Posted: February 25th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex books.
Comments: none

Several days ago we offered a special discount price on our entire “Ultimate Christian Sex Library.”

We received quite a few emails requesting that we give a “2nd chance” at the discount offer.

So…

Until Saturday, February 2nd @ Noon (EST), you can order our entire library package for only $39.00!

Please take advantage of this offer before the order link is removed again.

You can take advantage of this special “subscribers only” offer here.

Posted: February 1st, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Special Offers, christian sex books.
Comments: none

The following article was written by Terre Grable, LPC-MHSP. Terre Grable is a Christian licensed professional counselor. She enjoys helping couples strengthen their marriages and enjoy more intimacy with one another. You can find more articles by Terre at www.greatchristiansex.com.

Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a fulfilling sexuality. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage. Here are 7 barriers to a fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples…

1. Not knowing what God says about sex

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be “fruitful and multiply”, and then commented “it was good” (Genesis 1:31.Doesn’t it seem like this was important to Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us. It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. If one spouse forces his/her sexual preference regardless of their spouse’s dislike, then abuse has taken place.

4 Failure to plan

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. True, there can be some difference in sexual appetites. However, more often infrequency is the cause. Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other. Couples destroy intimacy and trust when their sexuality becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful. Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments.

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and begin the road to recovery. It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.

7. Pornography

The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. Images are burned into a person’s mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has experienced the pain of pornography, I encourage you to find a professional counselor to help you rebuild the trust in your marriage.

In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life. The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. You do not have to look far to find out how society has contaminated sexuality. As Christians, let’s change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality.

On Terre’s site, she recommends Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife. So, of course, we think she is pretty smart.

Posted: January 7th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Christian Sex Therapy, christian sex books, christian sex education.
Comments: 1

I’m fairly certain that the clerk at my local Family Christian bookstore is concerned about me. I visit there several time a month and,usually, don’t make it out of the “sex section.”

A few times, I have considered telling her that I am just doing research for my Christian sex site and Christian Marriage & Sex forums, but I have decided that might creep her out even more.

Of course, our books, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband & Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, are not sold in Family Christian bookstores, so I don’t have the option of just (accidentally) picking up one of our books and holding the jacket picture up next to my face. And, trust me, if I had that option…I WOULD do it.

Today, I thought I would let you benefit from all of that time that I have spent in the family Christian bookstore; I would give you a short list of my favorite Christian sex books. And, if you happen to be that clerk I’m talking about, now you know what I was doing!

“Old School” (But STILL very good resources):

“The Act Of Marriage” by Timothy and Beverly LaHaye.

This book was written in the seventies, but is still one of the most “technically” and “romantically” correct books on the subject.

“Intended For Pleasure” by Ed Wheat & Gayle Wheat.

This book has the potential to dramatically change your marriage and sex life. It is one of the first (and best) books to strongly advance the idea that sex within a Christian marriage was “intended” (by God) to be for pleasure-not just for procreation.

Newer, Potential Classics:

“Sheet Music” by Kevin Leman.

This book, correctly, deals with the power of sex to create intimacy within your Christian marriage.

“Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex” by Linda Dillow.

This book is written for wives and answers many of them most common questions that Chrsitian wives have about sex.

“Sacred Sex” by Tim Alan Gardner.

I sometimes go on rants about how sex was not created just for procreation; sex was also created for your pleasure. But, sometimes I forget to mention the “real” primary reason for sex and sexuality…to bring you and your spouse closer…to a greater “oneness.” This book deals with this concept in a very strong way.

Newest Favorite:

“Sex God” by Rob Bell.

I LOVE THIS BOOK!

As an accidental “Christian sex expert“,I am fascinated with learning how God intended for us to express our sexuality, within His will.

This book is beautifully written and very, very smart.

Get this book!

And, the next time you are in the family Christian bookstore and notice a slightly pudgy guy spending a lot of time in the “sex” aisle, don’t think bad things about him.

Posted: August 28th, 2007 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, family christian bookstore, christian sex books.
Comments: 1