I found the article, titled “The Joy of Christian Sex,” by Sheila Wray Gregoire, this weekend.
Sheila is a Christian and the author of the book, “Honey, I Don’t Have A Headache.”

I occasionally stumble upon articles, videos and interviews with Sheila and I always enjoy her perspective.

She starts her article with the following…

It was barely a century ago when Lady Hillington, on the eve of her daughter’s nuptials, advised the young woman to “lie back and think of England”. Today, sex is no longer an unpleasant secret; indeed, it’s not a secret at all. We live in a culture that worships sex.

The church has responded to this attack on family values by manning the battle stations, arguing loudly against gay marriage, abortion, infidelity, and promiscuity. We say “no” so often that many outside the church—and perhaps even some inside—believe that Christians still revere Lady Hillington’s counsel.

Surveys, however, reveal otherwise…

Sheila’s article discusses her ideas of what “Christian sex” should be…

Christian Sex is Holistic

Christian Sex is Exclusive

Christian Sex is Fun

Christian Sex is Beautiful

She ends her article with the following conclusion:

Christian sex is something far more precious, and far more beautiful, than any counterfeit our culture offers. That’s why Christians report better sexual relationships, and why, despite the way we’re caricatured, we’re more likely to be the ones smiling.

I couldn’t agree more.

If you are ready to experience the joy of Christian sex, you can start with Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Posted: May 27th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex books.
Comments: none

Since this thread of posts has received so much feedback, I decided to continue it a bit.

The lady that initially started this thread with her email, has responded to the discussion thus far…

Dear Robert and Susan,

Thank you for posting my recent e-mail question.

I know and appreciate that my entire marriage is better then most, and this is probably why the challenges suddenly posted by menopause took such a strong toll on both of us.

I also appreciate the comment left by one of your readers. He pointed out that I was also selfish in more then one way. I realize that it most likely came as quite a shock to my husband when I gradually became less and less interested in sex, considering that for the first 20 years we were together, I loved sex.

I think in fact that he most likely saw my lack of interest as me rejected him. I actually feel really bad about this now because I think he actually removed his sexual needs out of respect for me. Which most likely in turn, as you said, just made him lazy. He will not and never has accepted “favors for his benefit only”. He insists on pleasuring me as well, most likely something else I should not be complaining about.

Menopause and the years leading up to it have some very strange effects that most people never talk about. In case any of your readers are ever faced with these problems, I will share some of them with you.

First of all most women know that your body does not respond the same to stimulation. You do not really ever think about sex or ever have any sort of desire for it. Your breasts, clitoris, and vagina become much less sensitive, so the initial stimulation of just being touched has little or no effect on your mental or physical ability to respond. Your body also does not lubricate, therefore without the use of Ky or another substitute, sex is dry and very painful. It can also cause little tears that will make you have a pink discharge either during or shortly after intercourse. There are alot of over the counter lubes, and KY just keeps coming out with more. The ones that heat up are great for guys, but they can be irritating to a female if they are used too often. The KY tingle is great for women and will help you feel or stimulate your G-spot better then anything I have ever used. I have not gotten a chance to try the new one by KY but hope to soon.

Another thing about the years leading into menopause, known as peri-menopause, is that your period becomes completely unpredictable. This is not only annoying just on terms of life in general, but it puts a really strange twist on your sex life.

My husband and I have always been really open with one another about everything. I was never embarrassed or uncomforable with him about my period and as five days in our twenties was a really long time, we did many times have sex during my period. We were both totally fine with this. However, it was something we both knew going in. Getting your period or bleeding during or shortly after sex when you did not expect it is something entirely different. I was very uncomfortable about this especially with regard to oral activity.

Trust me once you have had a close call with this, you do not want it to happen again. Without even realizing it, I just stopped letting him go down on me. This also meant that without realizing it, I rarely went there for him either. Interesting that he didn’t ask though, isn’t it.

Menopause and the challenges that come along with it tend to effect women’s self esteem and make a once open, uninhibited woman appear to be prudish or fridgid, when in fact this is most likely not really true. One of the other things that can happen is that even with alot of lube, deep penetration is really uncomforable if not painful. Again without even realizing it, I began to only move to positions where I could be in control of penetration. One of the comments my husband made to me as we began to try to address these issues was, “Sex is not very exciting anymore. We don’t have oral sex and you won’t even turn around anymore, what happened to you.”

My husband incorrectly assumed that my lack of interest and variety was me turning into a prude. I never told him about most of what I was going through because I didn’t really know or realize most of what I was doing.

Guys need to understand that we as women have no ability to predict when peri-menopause or menopause will strike and do not many times even realize that this is in deed what is happening to us. Think about how much your life would change as a male if you suddenly stopped producing testosterone and you started to lose everything that made you a man. This is what women face, we wake up one day and we are suddenly on the road to losing everything that physically, mentally, and emotionally makes you a woman.

There should be alot more information out there that prepares you for the sexual effects of menopause, because it is something that women tend to just endure alone. Menopause is something that every couple needs to work through together. Women need to be aware of what is happening to their bodies and talk about it, not ignore or hide it or pretend it isn’t happening. And men need to help us out by being supportive and loving and by helping us adapt.

Guys if your wife is going through menopause and you are checking out young chicks on the internet, you are killing her. You have to embrace her beauty as she ages and help ease her through the loss of her childbearing years, not let her see you admiring youth and fertility in another woman. That would be like if you were bald and she continuously blatantly check out guys with lots of flowing luscious waves of hair. Crushing isn’t it. No honestly, there are serious self esteem issues that go along with the loss of your ability to bear children even if you did not want any more. She need to know that you still find her sexually desirable and that you do still “want” her.

Anyway, Robert and Susan, you guys have a great site, I appreciate your books (Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife) and your response to my e-mail and know that through prayer, God will help my husband and I to grow together in love and to find healing in the misunderstanding and frustration of the separation of our sexual relationship.

Like you said, I probably have it way better then most already, but then again, why settle for less when you know with a little work, a ridiculously out of this world sexual relationship is within reach.

Oh, one more thing before I go, women in menopause can and should seek help to relieve their symptoms. There are alot of other drugs on the market these days many of which are natural and very effective.

God Bless You Both,

[removed]

Posted: May 22nd, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 1

Yesterday’s post must have touched a nerve…

It created a more than usual number of responses and emails.

Two responses stood out for me.

So, I decided to post them and hope that they will spark even more feedback from you.

Make comments (please) and I will do a follow up post (including your feedback).

You DO NOT need to register to make comments on this blog. Just fill out the comment form.

One from a husband’s perspective…

What I am able to say may sound harsh, but I hope it will be helpful to all of us. While I agree with you that feeling “betrayed” may be a little over the top; however, I am sure the writer does feel strongly about it.

While I sympathize with the writer, and agreed that there is a level of selfishness on the husband’s part, the wife was just as selfish. When the wife’s sexual desires reduced (at menopause), and the husband turned solo, the wife “sort of just never gave it much thought…” After being on hormone therapy, she “figured as soon as I was back in the game, that my husband would just jump right on board too.” Her feelings, thoughts, and actions, before and after the hormone therapy showed her own selfishness. She has subjugated her husband’s sexual desires to her own. When her desire was low, and the husband was on his own, she didn’t complaint. However, when her own desires are back, he should be ready to jump in. While this is an excellent attitude for the husband to develop, it is a selfish expectation on the wife’s part.

Besides having a proper attitude, it takes time to adjust. Just like any activities in our lives, a couple will most likely have different levels of desires. I love playing racquetball, and my wife doesn’t. I played with a few guys once or twice a week. While I will not win any medal, I am not a novice either. If my wife wants to play with me now, it will be hugely frustrating to the both of us. If playing racquetball together is important, then we will have to make some adjustments to bring our levels closer. It may mean she has to take some lessons and practice more, etc…

Most activities can be shared with our spouses, with others, or with ourselves (these three ways are not mutually exclusive). The issue with sex is that it is not an activity that we should share outside our marriages. Therefore, when one spouse has a lower level of desire, the other spouse will either have to satisfy self or reduce their desires. And once the desire has been satisfied (solo) or reduced, it is not easily switched. It is like a rock rolling down a hill. Once it gets going, it will not stop in the middle of the hill. If you want to push it back up the hill, you have to first stop it (lots of work), and then push it back up (even more work).

Whether it is because of health, emotions, lifestyle, or personality, when a couple’s sexual desire levels do not match, a lot of work has to be done. It is in the areas of “unmatch” that we learn how to “love.” Remember, “love” is other focused.

I struggle with learning to be other focused, too. My wife has a much lower desire for sex, and she believes she has many legitimate reasons. Whether those reasons are legitimate or not, the end result is the same: my desire level is higher than hers. I learn to reduce my sexual desires by channeling the energy to other non-sexual activities. I masturbate to satisfy myself, and am prepared to satisfy her needs when they arise.

I have spoken to her about my stronger sexual desire and my preference to have “couple sex;” however, she has not made any lasting adjustments. Now, like the “breakfast game,” I, too can play “games” to get my way. But my first priority is not to “get my way,” but to “love her just the way she is.” She is an imperfect sinner, and will always be one (me, too). My responsibility is not to change her into my liking, but change myself to be more Christ-like.

Genuine, heartfelt, mature communication will always improve and strength a marriage. But even the best communication does not guarantee things will go our ways. As the couple above adjusts to this new stage of their lives, I pray that their sexual connections will draw them ever tighter together. God bless.

One from a wife’s perspective…

My husband and I will be married 31 years on June 12th. At the time we married, BOTH of us were used to doing “solo sex” whenever the urges occurred. He is a not a morning person and has a hard time waking up and getting out the door on time when he has to go to work and likes to sleep in when he doesn’t have to go out. I am an early riser whether I have somewhere to go or not and am more likely to go to bed early than sleep in unless I am sick.

His complaint to me at bedtime was usually “You take too long and I need to just get my release and go to sleep.” I finally convinced him as a newlywed that I would prefer for him to just do a “quickie” and either go to sleep without getting a release myself or finishing myself up
with “solo sex” after his needs were met than being left out completely.

I always wound up not sleeping well after watching him leave me out completely. If the husband is leaving the wife out because of the
timing issue…what we did worked well. My husband got used to coming to me eventually to always rely on me to meet his needs even when I was sleepy. I have always made myself available whenever he was in need of attention.

The pornography isn’t a problem any more. I knew about the pornography before we were married and promised to help him get over it and he has. He has never had a problem with my “solo sex” when he isn’t up to it or is out of town and helps me out when he can.

We have achieved advanced level responses in both of us too.

Posted: May 20th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage.
Comments: 3

Yesterday, I received an email that addressed themes that I see quite a bit in emails from other readers.

I hoped that replying to this email through this post would be helpful to many of you, as well as the writer.

Dear Robert and Susan,

I recently purchased your e-books. (Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife). I found them very helpful…

My husband has always satisfied me, quite often to the point of fully ejaculatory orgasms. The difference between vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms is exactly as you described… I have also always stimulated my husband’s “G” spot and he has great control, but has never achieved orgasm without ejaculation, although he has been very close. Something to work on…

We have a great relationship and truly enjoy one another, except for one thing. A couple of years ago, I went into menopause and pretty much lost interest in sex and the ability to enjoy it. During this time, my husband turned to frequent solo activity and the internet. I was aware of it, though we never spoke of it and it didn’t bother me that much. He never mentioned that he missed sex with me ( we still did it once every three or four weeks) and so I sort of just never gave it much thought…

Last year I went on hormone therapy and my sex drive went through the roof. I figured as soon as I was back in the game, that my husband would just jump right on board too. That did not happen, and I found it devastating as well as insulting. Especially since he told me that he preferred solo sex as it was more stimulating and exciting to him at this point in his life. He also told me that he would enjoy cuddling and affection with me, much more then sex with me. This was and remains quite difficult in terms of my self esteem. It is also very hard to swallow considering that I am the same size I was 25 years ago when we started dating in high school.(A size 2) I have always taken pride in my body and my appearance and have worked hard at not ever letting myself go.

Nine months later, he has started to come around and it appears that he now prefers real sex to solo sex. He is not on the internet much anymore, but he does still hit the shower alone. This continues to bother me, not only because it makes me feel inadequate and rejected, but also because he says once a week or occasionally twice, is enough for him.

I keep praying and trying to turn this over to God, but I cannot seem to get past the fact that I continue to feel betrayed. I fear that he will never find total satisfaction in me no matter how good our relationship and sex life is. I feel kind of hopeless, and yet feel bad for being dissatisfied as he is so good to me in every other way…

I think what I am going through is similar to surviving an affair and hinges on rebuilding trust. There are no articles or advice however on this subject.

How do I stop questioning his actions and sincerity?

And how do I stop questioning myself and his level of attraction to me?

Thank you for any help you can offer.

In Christ,

[removed]

I liked this email because it demonstrates…reeks actually…of REAL LIFE!

I think you should be happy that you seem to have quite a few (more than most) strengths and accomplishments to build upon.

a) When you have sex, you both appear to be open, uninhibited and pleasure seeking. You are describing “advanced” level activities that some couples NEVER achieve.

b) Your communication skills are strong. Do you have any idea how unusual it is that your husband felt comfortable telling you that he preferred “solo sex” to “real sex?” [the scary ridiculous nature of the statement we will address below…]

c) Your “overall” approach to sex is mature and “open.” The fact that you knew/know about his masturbation habits…and did not feel the need to throw a tantrum [despite your misgivings] tells me that you are not coming from an overly emotional place…as regards sex.

Before you get too worried about your situation, you should reflect on your blessings.

That said…

Sex with your spouse IS the best and only way to achieve ULTIMATE sexual pleasure and satisfaction. But (as most of us have discovered…ummm…accidentally) “solo sex” has its benefits: it’s quicker, faster and doesn’t require you to shower or brush your teeth.

In my experience (and those we coach), when one spouse “prefers” “solo sex,” it is not necessarily because they are “rejecting” their spouse; they are simply being lazy and selfish.

I was interrupted by Sue while typing this email with the following question, “Bob, are you dying to make breakfast right now?”

This question is the result of a longstanding battle between us, relative to who makes breakfast each morning.

I, usually, win this battle because I don’t get REALLY hungry till around noon. Sue gets hungry soon after waking.

So, most mornings, I get the pleasure of her making breakfast for both of us and simply having to say, “Thanks, Honey!”

I know (don’t tell her) that I am being lazy and selfish (most mornings) by playing this “game.”

I know that if I wait long enough, she will probably make breakfast and just bring mine to my desk.

Does this mean I don’t love and care for her?

Nope.

I do (more than most husbands, I think) quite a bit of the “household chores.” I will do the dishes and the laundry (without prompting, thank you!) very often. I will cook dinner and lunch many days.

But, I really HATE having to take those five minutes, each morning, that are dedicated to frying four eggs and serving them.

So, I play this game…EVERY morning!

Now…if she calls my bluff with a question like the one above, I will usually say something like, “Yes, Dear. I was just thinking about how excited I am to make breakfast today!”

Now, this (as all husbands know) is a tricky thing.

If I just say the sarcastic thing…and sit there…I’m in trouble. She will leap towards the kitchen, angry with me.

But, if I am smart enough to say the sarcastic thing…while moving in the direction of the kitchen…I can get away with the sarcasm…and she knows she won this particular “battle.”

What the heck does this have to do with sex (or ANYTHING, you may be asking yourself)?

The marriage relationship is a crucible that CONSTANTLY challenges us to balance our personal needs with those of our spouse.

And sex is, by far, one of the most (potentially) important areas in which we must do this.

But…sex is still an area that can fall under very simple lazy and selfish/ motivated and unselfish categories.

The simple fact that you (or your spouse), sometimes, falls into the former category…does not necessarily have to set off “the relationship alarm bells.”

I think that, given your apparent strength in so many other areas, your use of the term, “betrayed” may be a bit overly emotional and negative.

It is a beautiful thing that your husband feels comfortable telling you that “solo sex” is more exciting than “real sex.” But, you should have the same comfort level telling him that you have never heard anything so ridiculous and selfish in your entire life…with a smile of course!

The real issue is not that he, sometimes chooses selfish instead of selfless.

The real question is do you two have the ability to communicate and work through the situation?

Of course, if he is participating in “solo sex” with the use of pornography, there is an additional moral aspect to the situation you need to work through.

But, the real “test” is your ability “as a couple” to demonstrate your willingess to be “selfless” as well as selfish.

As his wife, you have EVERY right to DEMAND that he discuss this situation with you…that he knows and hears (and understands) your feelings regarding his “habits.”

And, my guess, based upon your email, is that you have a strong enough relationship to create some “game plans” and “relationship rules” that you both are comfortable with…and, most likely, involve more “real sex” and less “solo sex.”

Posted: May 19th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 3

This past week, there was an interesting thread in our Christian Marriage Forum.

One of the women in the forum was raving (well, actually her husband was raving) about a sexual technique that we detail in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

With the weekend approaching fast, it might be a cool technique that you want to try!

One of the primary ways for a female to DRAMATICALLY increase her sexual pleasure, responsiveness and satisfaction is by exercising and developing her “PC muscle” (pubococcygeus muscle).

These exercises are sometimes referred to as “kegels.”

Increasing the strength of the female PC muscle provides a multitude of POWERFUL sexual results. But, one of the side benefits is that it gives a woman the ability to “squeeze” and “pull” on her husband’s penis, during intercourse.

This can create an UNBELIEVABLY PLEASURABLE sensation for both husband and wife.

If your PC muscle is already strong, try this when you get a chance.

When your husband is inside of you, ask him to stay relatively still and utilize your vaginal walls (and PC muscle) to squeeze, massage and pull on your husband’s penis.

I guarantee he will be thrilled.

If your PC muscles are not quite so strong (happens much after child birth), then you should consider doing PC muscle exercises (as outlined in SSCW) so that you can try this fun activity.

Posted: May 15th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex education.
Comments: none

Last week, I received the following email from a reader:

Hello Robert, I praise the Lord there is someone who can give advice for lovemaking in marriage.

I downloaded Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, but I need to know things for my husband’s enjoyment; I wanted to download Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

I have never been able to talk to anyone about this b/c they know my husband, but could you please tell me, IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM? (This is embarrassing, but so very important.)

My husband and I have been married for 27 years, but it makes me feel less of a woman when he wants me to touch him alot there.

This seems to arouse him more than anything else I do.

Please help me understand if this is normal, if I shouldn’t, or if I should, the best ways. I hope you’ll answer.

Thank you and GOD bless you for doing this and keeping it within boundaries to GOD’s glory.

Sincerely,

[removed]

First, an aside…

What other site will you find the phrases “God’s glory” and “IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM?” in the same post? Very few. Come on…admit it…probably only this one!

Back to the question at hand…

First, I don’t like to play along with the “normal” designation. Relative to our sexuality, “normal” shouldn’t be a valid question to ask.

As long as a sexual desire/act does not fall into one of the obviously “prohibited” categories outlined in Scripture, there is no “normal.” One of the wonderful and cool things about our sexuality is how diverse are the possibilities…and needs and desire.

But, that said, it is not unusual for a man to desire anal stimulation.

This is because this area (particularly in men) is, anatomically, a very erogenous zone.

This fact that this area has been designed (by God) to be erogenous is simple…it contains many more “pleasure” receptors (nerve endings) than most other parts of the body.

And, this area contains the male version of the “G Spot,” the prostate.

Below is a diagram of this area…

The prostate is about the size of a walnut and is located just under the bladder, in front of the rectum.

The purpose of the prostate is to lubricate (add semen and other fluids) to the ejaculation process.

But, one of the other primary functions of the prostate is…pleasure.

The concentration of pleasure giving nerve endings surrounding the prostate make it the exact equivalent of the female “G Spot.”

Stimulating the prostate can double or triple the potential pleasure for a man, during sex.

Stimulating the prostate can also help to delay ejaculation!

How do you stimulate the prostate?

There are two basic ways:

1) Externally

You can stimulate the prostate externally by stimulating the area between your husband’s scrotum and anus.

2) Internally

The most effective way to stimulate your husband’s prostate is by directly massaging it.

Yes…this means inserting your finger (or something) into his anus to directly stimulate the prostate.

We discuss prostate stimulation techniques in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

Whaaaaaaaaat?

Yes, if you really want to show your husband intense pleasure, you may want to consider “option 2!”

Why wouldn’t you want to?

1) You think it’s “gross.”

If you don’t like the idea of stimulating his prostate with your fingers, there are a variety of “toys” specifically designed for prostate stimulation. One of the best is called Aneros.

2) You think it’s “gay.”

Well, this is just silly.

I sometimes receive emails from people that think any (male or female) anal stimulation implies some hint of homosexuality. These people usually use logic like, “Gay people do that!”

Well…I hate to break it to ya…but gay people also hold hands, kiss and watch movies together.

The fact that homosexuals may (or may not) do something does not make it “gay.” Having sex with someone of the same sex makes it gay.

3) You think it’s wrong.

Anal play is NOT specifically prohibited ANYWHERE in Scripture.

Most of the Christian “experts” that rail against anal sex (of any sort) usually fall back on the argument that “its just not natural.”

Well…the fact that God PURPOSEFULLY created the female G spot and the male prostate and then surrounded them with a super high number of “pleasure/nerve endings” tells me that utilizing/stimulating these areas is pretty darn…”natural.”

If you think it’s unnatural to stimulate the prostate…you either believe that God created a specific pleasure spot…that you AREN’T supposed to use for pleasure…or that he made a mistake in design.

The male g spot (The “M spot”) is an area that you, as a couple, may want to explore.

Unless, of course, you have too much variety and pleasure in your sex life…and you don’t need any more.

Posted: May 13th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 2

Over the last few weeks, I have received several emails very similar to following:

I was married as a Christian last August. My husband and I were not Christians earlier in life and both had previous marriages. Thank goodness at almost forty and as a Christian God blessed me with a wonderful man. So, going into this marriage we decided to do everything right. Marital counseling, blended family classes. Long engagement, and ,of course, absolutely not pre-marital relations.

Needless to say our married life is almost ideal, except for the bedroom. I’m not even sure he totally realizes how disappointed and displeased I am about it. I’m totally afraid of hurting his male ego, by telling him how unsatisfied I am. I’m not sure weather it is fortunate or unfortunate that I did have sexual experiences as a non Christian because now I know how good it is supposed to be. I’ve tried telling him what I like and how God wants us to have pleasure as one, but I believe he just is inexperienced…

How do I tactfully show him your books ( Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife ) or approach a change?

I thought he would notice my reading about it and ask, but he has said nothing. It is literally tearing me up inside whenever we have relations because it is so unsatisfying, but he seems extremely satisfied and unaware.

All of these emails struck me as similar because they all “assumed” that there was some value to “holding back” or not sharing the true feelings/needs of the heart.

This is a devastating assumption.

It is, possibly, the greatest destroyer of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction in marriage.

Your marriage can only be improved and helped by moving in the direction of MORE communication…MORE honesty….and MORE sharing of each other’s REAL needs and desires.

I don’t pretend that doing this is always easy. But, it is always the best choice.

It reminds me of a story I read, this weekend in Robert Holden’s book, “Happiness Now:”

A husband and wife, both in their late 70s, decided

that, after 55 years of marriage, it was high time they got a divorce. When their counselor asked them why, the wife issued a catalog of reasons: “He never says he loves me,” said the wife.

“I thought you knew I loved you,” said the husband.

“I thought you knew I loved you,” said the husband.

The wife continued, “He never says I’m beautiful.”

The husband replied, “I look at you every day and admire your beauty.”

We rarely talk,” said the wife.

“I know you like to read a lot,” said the husband.

“I read because we don’t talk,” said the wife.

There was a pause. “And we never go out,” she added.

“I thought you liked to say in,” said the husband.

“I only stay in because I’m waiting to go out,” said the wife.

The counselor continued to take notes.

“He’s also very mean to me,” said the wife.

“In what way?” asked the husband.

“Well, at breakfast, three times a week for 55 years, he has always served me the crust of the loaf, and I hate the bread crust!”

The husband was distraught and wailed, “I give you the crust, my dear, because that is my favorite part of the loaf.”

As you can see, “assume” can make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”
And, it can prevent you from making any real progress or connection in your marriage, as well.

Posted: May 12th, 2008 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: 1

This week, a new Walgreens opened in our town.

I wasn’t really certain why we needed a 24 hour pharmacy, but after one of our first purchases there, I am a Walgreens fan.

We were there simply to check out the new store opening. But, while there, we spotted a new product from Johnson and Johnson’s KY brand…

“Yours And Mine.”

KY has recently introduced several new “intimacy” products, but NONE as cool and fun as this one.

This product is genius.

It is one of those few “intimacy” products that in both packaging and effect is a “home run.”

It perfectly captures the spirit of what we are trying to promote on this site and in, especially, our latest books, Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples and Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples…sensuality with a sense of fun and excitement.

“Yours and Mine” is a set of two different “intimate lubricants; one for her and one for him.

Each lubricant is in it’s own colored container.

Each lubricant gives a different sensation when it touches skin.

The lettering on the containers glows in the dark.

And, even better…

When the two lubricants are “mixed together” (you figure out the best way to do this!), they create a third, and different, joint sensation!

This product is cool, fun and cheap (less than $20.00) and will provide you and your spouse with many nights of play.

Below is the press release for the product and a video about it. There is a cute little commercial for the product at the end of the video, as well.

K-Y® BRAND YOURS+MINE™
THE FIRST “HIS + HER” INTIMACY PRODUCT FOR COUPLES!
ANOTHER “GLOWING” BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT FROM THE K-Y® BRAND

Skillman, New Jersey (4/28/08) /PRNewswire/ – Today the leader in healthy intimacy, the K-Y® Brand, announced the first intimacy enhancing product for couples — K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™. Knowing it takes two to create a magical encounter, YOURS+MINE™ offers two lubricants with different sensations. One is invigorating for him, the other thrilling for her and together they add up to a totally new experience. Looking to add even more fun? Expose the tubes to light during the day and the words on the vials will glow in the dark, making his “Yours” and her “Mine” easy to find.

“K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ was developed for couples to experience and enjoy together” explains Daniel Weiss, Group Product Director of Personal Care Products. “Through our ongoing conversations with consumers, we have found that couples are consistently looking for ways to enhance their time together. We recognize that it is not just about one partner or the other — it is about the couple.”

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ serves as a catalyst for creating emotional and physical connections between partners because it provides a unique and fun new way for couples to communicate on an intimate level. Both partners will be curious to know what the other is experiencing, providing the perfect scenario for communication.

YOURS+MINE™ is another innovation by K-Y® Brand designed to enhance intimacy between couples. The brand continues to bring innovation to the intimacy market because the importance of touch extends far beyond the bedroom — recent research suggests that couples who have more frequent and more fulfilling intimacy also report having stronger emotional relationships overall. In addition, studies are showing that men and women with satisfying intimate relations report better physical and mental health.

Different Kind of Product, A Different Kind of Look
To reflect the innovative concept behind K-Y® Brand’s dual lubricants, YOURS+MINE™ is encased in modern, sleek packaging. Two separate test tubes house the lubricants: electric blue for him, vibrant purple for her. Both are capped off with easy to dispense tops and housed in a lustrous black box – with silver accents.

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ is available now at drug, food and mass retailers. The suggested retail price is $19.99 for two test tube vials, each 1.5 fl oz.

Go Walgreens and KY!

Posted: May 8th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Sex Toys.
Comments: none

I seem to have book marked a few Mark Driscoll Videos this week.

Mark is the founder and current “Preaching Pastor ” at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Mars Hill is considered one of the new “mega churches” and is unique in that, despite it’s ultra “hip” approach to presentation, its message is very “old school” conservative (can you say ‘Five Points of Calvinism?’).

Several times per month, they have a service in which Driscoll answers questions from the audience (sent via text message).

In the following video, Mark addresses the question, “Is it okay to read books about how to better pleasure my spouse?”

As you would imagine, its a question after my own heart…

In the video, Mark mentions several great resources for those looking for Christian sex advice.

Additionally (hint, hint), you may want to consider Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Enjoy…

Posted: May 6th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 1

Ultimately, our ministry is a ministry of encouragement.

We want to encourage our brothers and sisters to make their marriages and lives as good as possible.

We have seen in both our own lives and the lives of our readers TRUE miracles.

We KNOW that God is available to us in ALL areas of our lives.

But…

There is a dangerous and counter-productive (yet popular) idea being propagated by some preachers. It is the idea that our lives (and marriages) SHOULD be perfect in every way. And, if they are not, we are doing something wrong.

There are two problems with this idea:

1) It is not Scriptural.

2) It only heaps additional burdens on our backs. Not only are we struggling…we are embarrassed and ashamed that we are struggling.

In the following video, Mark Driscoll plays a clip from a Joel Osteen sermon and comments on it.

I’m neither a particular fan of Mark Driscoll…nor a particular detractor of Joel Osteen. I see positives and negatives with both. But, I do believe that Mark Driscoll does a good job of dissecting Osteen’s assertion that, as Christians, we are to be constant “winners” with perfect relationships and lives…or something is wrong.

Driscoll’s main point is that if that is what our lives are supposed to look like, Jesus was a pretty bad example.

Jesus did not live the life of a “winner,” filled with health, wealth and perfect relationships.

He was a dirt poor carpenter whose family, friends and neighbors disrespected, hated and, ultimately, killed.

Does this mean that we are destined to live unfulfilling lives of desperation and poverty? No. Not necessarily. But, our ONLY guarantee is that we can rely on God to be with us as we deal with WHATEVER we are meant to face.

And, we can be confident that He will be there for us.

I will be the first to encourage you to NOT allow your struggles to overwhelm you.

Stand back up and fight the battles necessary to change those things in your life that are not currently ideal…knowing that God has your back.

But…

DON’T burden yourself with the UNSCRIPTURAL and UNNECESSARY weight of feeling guilty for your imperfect present state.

If struggle and imperfect circumstances were good enough for Jesus…

Posted: May 5th, 2008 under Christian Marriage, Christian Culture, mark driscoll, joel osteen.
Comments: 1