Melanie Page posted a good article about “Keeping the Romance Sizzling.”

Enjoy…

Today, many people walk out of relationships because, “That special feeling just isn’t there anymore”. There is a belief, fostered by Hollywood and our instant gratification generation, that love and romance ought to just happen; you know, like a Mills and Boon novel. But as the natural, hormonal high begins to diminish, the rose-coloured scales fall from a couple’s eyes. At this point, romance becomes a choice.

You see romance, like love, can be a noun or a verb. It can be something that you HAVE, or something that you DO. And let’s face it, while we all want the mountain-peak experience, not all of us want to climb the rocks to get there. But romance in marriage is to be desired and seen as something to strive for. While God requires that marriage be for life, He never intended it to be a sterile and soulless “life sentence”. So here are some pointers on keeping the romance in your marriage alive. (Please note: since I am a ‘her’, I write about ‘him’. If you are a ‘him’, please reverse the genders with my apologies.)

Point 1: Romance begins with “I Love YOU”
Everyday life is very destructive to romance. The hassles of career, kiddies, mortgage, bills, social obligations, etc all take their toll. For romance to flourish, we need to openly appreciate one another. Part of this is showing appreciation for acts of thoughtfulness; washing the dishes or a fresh ‘cuppa’ deserve gratitude. We should remind ourselves EVERYDAY “ I love him because…” and show it. Each kiss, each hug, each tenderness spoken ‘for no reason’, is an investment in romance. Cultivate romance with words of love, appreciation and desire. Make him feel special. He is!

Point 2: Discovery is the essence of romance.
When you were a new couple, everything he said was interesting. You could sit over coffee ‘til the waiters closed the shop around you and still have plenty to talk about. Now you talk about the kids, or the bills, or the dog, or the neighbours, and wonder how you will stay sane when he retires.
To feed the fires of romance, take the time to go out for coffee or a meal and have a meaningful conversation. Talk about memories of childhood, your dreams, visions and goals (past and present). Hey, talk about what’s on the news, or literature or philosophy; just not the house and the kids! LEARN about one another all over again. You will find that you gain a whole new appreciation of this person you have known so many years.

Point 3: Give and it shall be given unto you!
Notice, this is not GIVE TO GET. Give to your husband, generously, freely, without strings, things that will please him. This is what we all did in the springtime of our romance. It seemed every shop we passed had some little item to delight or amuse our beloved. DON’T go out and buy a thousand dollars worth of power-tools!!! But give little gifts, often. His favourite chocolate bar when you are shopping, a new fly for his fishing rod, small treats that cost little and say lots. “Here you go sweetheart. I got this for you today. I hope you like it. I love you.”
There are other things you can do too. Making his favourite dinner/ dessert is always a good move. And don’t forget to graciously and lovingly accept any gifts or acts of service he offers you. Sweetness and generosity fuel romance while coldness, lack of gratitude and other negative behaviours put a real damper on it.
(I guess it sounds as though the burden is on you, but in reality, it takes two to tango. Perhaps the best rule is “Do unto him as you would have him do unto you.”)

Point 4: “Bring back that lovin’ feelin’”
Romance is about feeling: the Romantic Poets, like Wordsworth, explored feeling and sensory experience. Romance is about taking time to reinvigorate the senses. Enjoy the smell of his aftershave, the feel of his hands, the sound of his voice. And say so! “Honey, I really like that cologne!” Take time together to enjoy sunsets and starlight. Smell the roses. Expand your sensory horizons. Take time to experience the moment. Share it. Relish it. Cherish it.

Romance can wane or live on in our hearts. Stoking the fires of your romance is an investment in the most important human relationship in your life and it is a flame which, if properly tended, will keep you warm for a lifetime. So let it burn, baby!

Posted: November 29th, 2007 under Christian Marriage, Christian Romance.
Comments: none

I found another great article by Angie Lewis, titled, “5 Biblical Aspects on Spiritual Growth For Your Marriage.”

I think you’ll find it valuable…

Marriage takes two to make it a team. Are you a team player working towards the good in all areas of your marriage? Are you growing spiritually with your spouse? Are you allowing your faith to intervene in your marriage where it should?

1. Spiritual growth is gradual not instant

It takes times to learn deep spiritual growth for your marriage. Learning to walk with Jesus is something that a husband and wife can do together. It can be an enjoyable learning experience that will bring you closer together and will help bond the sanctity of your marriage.

When a person becomes a Christian, he or she is given a new life through the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ sets us free from our evil desires by his spiritual operation–The Holy Spirit.

Christian growth is a lifetime process, meaning we don’t automatically start thinking good thoughts and have a pure attitude about everything! These things take time and much wisdom from God. This is why it is often called a “spiritual growth process”. Sometimes change seems slow but your marriage will change significantly if you keep trusting in God to build it up.

The more we trust in Jesus Christ, the sharper our vision becomes, which increases our understanding. James1: 22-25

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says, Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at himself in the mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it-he will be blessed in what he does.” James1:22-25

2. Understanding the process of spiritual growth for your marriage

There is a wonderful little parable in the bible about the Kingdom of God recorded by Mark that reveals how spiritual growth is a continual and gradual process that is finally consummated in a harvest of spiritual maturity. We can understand how this process works by comparing it to the slow but gradual growth of a plant.

If we forget to water the plant it will die. Marriage is the same way. Let’s remember to water our marriage on a regular basis so it won’t dry out. We do this by trusting in God and letting him water us first. Once we are watered we can give more of ourselves to the marriage.

“This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain - first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.” Mark 4:26-29

3. God prunes us, which ultimately strengthens our marriage.

Jesus Christ is the vine. God is the gardener who cares for the branches (us) to make them fruitful. There are two kinds of pruning that God does. (1)separating and (2) cutting back branches. Fruitful branches are cut back to promote growth. In other words, God will discipline us to strengthen our character and faith.

The branches that do not bare fruit are cut off from the vine (Jesus). People who won’t bear fruit for God or those who try to block the efforts of God’s followers will be cut off from God’s life-giving power.

Jesus said, “He cuts off every branch that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” John 15:2-3

4. Strengthening faith

The bible says we are all strong in some areas and weak in others. Our faith is strong if we can avoid sinning when we are around others who are sinning. If our faith is weak in certain areas we must avoid those things that might be tempting for us.

We need to ask ourselves, “Can I do that without sinning?” “Can I go there without sinning?” “Can I be a good influence to others instead of falling into sin with them?” Find out what your strengths and weakness are.

God wants us to use our faith towards the good of our marriage. If we have strong faith in certain areas but shelter that faith, we will not be doing Christ’s work for the marriage. If we have a weak area of faith in marriage and we expose it, we will be behaving like the world (culture) does for their marriage and that would be extremely foolish, wouldn’t it?

The bible reveals to us some very important points about the weak and the strong in faith.
“Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One mans faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Romans 14:1-4

5. How to continue basing your marriage upon the foundations of God

St. Paul has offered us a strategy to help us to live day by day for God.

1.) Imitate Christ’s compassion and forgiving attitude. Is there something that you need to forgive your spouse for?

2.) Let love guide your life as much as you possibly can. We show love by doing, not by saying. Have you shown your spouse loving-kindness today?

3.) Let the peace of Jesus rule your heart and mind. We do this by realizing all there is to be thankful for.

…Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through Him. Colossians 3: 12-17
~~
Angie Lewis offers spiritual enlightenment tips for couples in marriage, and is the author of new release book JOURNEY ON THE ROADS LESS TRAVELED.

This unique book is about love, life, marriage, addiction, temptation, and understanding the power of spiritual awareness for your marriage.

In her book, Angie reveals her own journey of overcoming addiction and battling with her negative emotions that she allowed to embrace her life and marriage.

To find out more about this new book click here, http://www.spiritual.journeybooks.4t.com/
ISBN 1413788904 Available Amazon online!

Posted: November 28th, 2007 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

Below is a funny video (not real) in which Dr. Phil gives some unlikely advice.

This is NOT the type of advice that you will be getting as a part of of One-On-One Relationship Coaching.

We will be giving you details on this program soon. Stay tuned for more details…

Posted: November 27th, 2007 under Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

For years, we have received emails that doubt the existence of the female G-Spot.

And, for years, we have taught Christian married couples how to find, stimulate and enjoy the female G-Spot.

Recently, we have included a comprehensive video guide to the female G Spot as part of The Ultimate Christian Sex Library.

Now, if you are still doubting…doctors are offering “G Spot Amplification” outpatient procedures.

Below, a doctor explains the procedure…

Posted: November 26th, 2007 under Christian Sex, Female Sexuality, christian sex education, married sex, g-spot.
Comments: none

Below is a really amusing video that depicts how difficult it can be to handle the Thanksgiving turkey.

Have a great Thanksgiving weekend and make sure that you wrestle with your spouse (at least) as much as you wrestle with the turkey!

Enjoy.

Posted: November 21st, 2007 under Christian Culture.
Comments: none

As you know, we sent out an email requesting your feedback regarding the need for personal coaching with Susan and I.

We received hundreds of emails such as the following from Nicole…

I think one-on-one counseling is a great option. While I don’t think my partner and I need it at this point, I’d say the information you have provided on a practical and personal application would be invaluable - in fact a priceless investment in the future of any marriage relationship at any stage and in any season of life.

I’ve paid anywhere from $130 - $150.00 per 45-60 minute sessions with a licensed Family and Child Psychiatrist so I think anything along those lines would be reasonable.

And, we have decided that we will be offering personal, 0ne-on-one relationship coaching, via email, starting soon after the holiday.

We will be putting up specific details of how this email relationship coaching will work in a few days.

But, the following will be for sure…

1) You will receive a special “coaching email address” to ensure that your emails go directly to Susan and I and not any member of our staff.

2) You will receive unlimited coaching, via email, for the length of the program term.

3) It will be significantly less expensive than Nicole suggests in her email.

Please look for an upcoming post with the details on this program.

Posted: November 20th, 2007 under Uncategorized, Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

This week’s theme seems to have ended up being miracles.

As you go into the weekend, enjoy this video of Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, Miracles Of The Moment.

Reflect on the lyrics and know that God is both willing and able to perform miracles in your marriage and life.

It’s time for letting go
All of our if only’s
‘Cause we don’t have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything

‘Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There’s only One who knows
What’s really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now (here and now)
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle
Of the moment

Enjoy your weekend.

Posted: November 16th, 2007 under Uncategorized, Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

Ironically, right after yesterday’s post (about how you can’t expect miracles…overnight), I received the following email…

Hi Robert,

I purchased your books online a few days ago and my wife and I started to work on it from Monday. It is with absolute amazement that I can tell you that it is now two days later and it already made a huge impact on our lives. The following absolutely became true for us within 2 days:

“Used properly, sex can bring us closer to God and each other. It can improve our mental, physical and emotional well-being. It can strengthen our marriages and families”

My wife and I were separated from August this year. With us relying on God and letting him guide us to healing we are back together.

I am totally convinced that it was the power of God that lead me to your website. You mention in your book that If you put your faith in God miracles can happen. It surely did for my wife and I.

Regards

Attie

Attie had purchased Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife and had seen an (almost) overnight miracle in his relationship.

I am hesitating to say that God was making it clear that my message yesterday was too “realistic” and negative.

I hesitate because I hate to admit I have done anything less than perfect (for verification, ask Susan).

I am fairly certain, though, that I should clarify a little further.

My post, yesterday, was more directed towards the nutty idea that only one spouse is responsible for 100% of the success of a relationship. I was NOT implying that God does not do miracles in relationships.

In fact, the primary difference between Christian coaches or counselors and secular ones (in my opinion) is that they assume and factor in the possibility of God moving miraculously.

Susan and I have seen hundreds of examples of miraculous transformations in Christian marriage. And, these transformations were directly and completely caused by…God.

One further clarification…

Better sex within a poor relationship will NOT turn that relationship into a great one.

But, better sex WILL make a good relationship great!

Thanks for the note, Attie.

Posted: November 15th, 2007 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage.
Comments: none

I found an interesting post here at SmartPastor.com.

It is an article that addresses a recent trend in many “Christian marriage advice” circles…blame the husband.

An excerpt…

A good number of Christian marriage books run around and tell the husband and wife that it is the husband’s job to do what ever the wife asks, without question or hesitation. If he is a good enough servant, then she will be in the mood for sex and make him happy.

If your wife is not in the mood for sex, then it is the fault of the man. He was not a good enough servant for if you love your wife like Christ loves the church, she will want to have sex often and with passion.

Now, I realize that men are to serve their wifes and that most men I know (myself included) can do a much better job of serving their wives. But at the end of the day I think this way of reasoning gives permission for women to be selfish and men to become discouraged…if loving your wife like Christ loves the church is the key to being happy in marriage (at least in the area of sex), how many men are going to give up trying because they know they can never attain it?

If you are a regular or semi-regular participant in our Christian Marriage Forum, you know that one of our first “controversies” revolved around this issue.

We had asked a couple (a pastor and his wife) that has written several Christian marriage books to help moderate the forums.

Only after a few weeks, did we realize that they very much espoused the point of view that ALL (or at least 99%) of Christian marriage problems are caused by the husband.

Until this incident, to be honest, I was not even aware that there was such a point of view.

Apparently, those that espouse this view feel that the husband is primarily responsible for the success of Christian marriages.

If there is a problem in the marriage, it is because the husband is not 100% right with God.

If the wife is not following God…it is because the husband is not “the man of God” that he should be.

If the wife is cheating…it is because the husband is not “the man of God” that he should be.

Etc., etc….

The solution to any marriage problem lies with the husband becoming what God expects and following God’s leading.

If the husband does this, somehow (magically) the wife will automatically be changed into the perfect Christian wife and the marriage will move into perfect bliss.

Ummm…probably not.

This approach to marriage advice strikes me like a fad diet approach to losing weight. Christian couples that are struggling in their marriage are so desperate for a solution that they will put their hopes in almost anything…even something slightly nutty.

I also find it offensive in two ways.

As a Christian, I resist the idea that (whether husband or wife) God will unilaterally “force” one spouse to become “the perfect spouse,” irrespective of their interest or desire in doing so.

As a woman (if I were one), I would find it offensive that I was being treated like a mindless, responsibility-free robot to which the husband and God have complete control (I have no free will).

In thirty plus years of living as a Christian and over ten years of ad hoc counseling with other Christian couples, I have never once seen a situation where a marriage problem could be solved this easily and simply.

Is our advice and experience that God has the desire and ability to create relationship miracles? Of course.

Our first approach is always to “go to God.”

But, after that, it is absolutely necessary that BOTH spouses are committed to knowing God’s will for their marriage and DOING IT.

Will prayer for your spouse (sometimes) create HUGE changes in your spouse’s desire to follow God closer…and to improve the marriage? Yes. Absolutely.

But…

Both the husband and the wife are 100% responsible for both their relationship with God and the success of their marriage.

One spouse cannot “magically” change the other by getting “right with God.”

The above article caught my attention particularly because of the author’s question, “if loving your wife like Christ loves the church is the key to being happy in marriage (at least in the area of sex), how many men are going to give up trying because they know they can never attain it?”

If any of us are 100% responsible for the success of our marriage…and the only way we can achieve this success is by achieving “Christ-like” perfection…none of us have any hope.

In our experience, God does not wait until we achieve this “Christ-like” perfection until he is willing to work miracles in our relationships. If this was not the case, since there is no marriage in heaven, there would be no such thing as “a good Christian marriage.”

Posted: November 14th, 2007 under Christian Marriage, Christian Wives, Christian Husbands.
Comments: 1

Michael Camp, from Selfgrowth.com, posted an article, titled, 12 Tips on Sex in Marriage for the Christian Wife

I Thought it was a wonderfully concise article that expresses many of the concepts that you will find in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Excerpts…

1. Don’t dichotomize your spiritual and sexual life. Sex in marriage is a wonderful gift to be nurtured and enjoyed. Growing sexually with your husband is a godly pursuit. Therefore get in the habit of praying about sex and praising God for this gift as much as you would (or more) for other areas of life and other godly pursuits; e.g. spiritual disciplines, evangelism, missions, serving others, etc. Remember, marriage comes before ministry.

2. Fill your mind with God’s perspective on sex. We grow up in a culture that abuses sex and we tend to be on our guard sexually. Then we get married and that same “on guard” attitude can linger. Therefore get a hold of several good Christian books on marital sex and read them regularly. You don’t read the Bible just once…

3. Keep reminding yourself your husband views sex differently than you. Sex is paramount in your husband’s mind. That’s the way God made him and you shouldn’t judge him for it…

4. Keep yourself beautiful to your husband. Its amazing how some women are meticulous about how they look when they are single and then don’t seem to care after they are married…

5. Evaluate to what level you are inhibited sexually. If you aren’t, then praise God. If you are to any degree, know God wants you to grow less inhibited…

6. Train your husband to turn you on. Your husband should be reading about how to make sex as exciting as possible for you…

7. Train yourself to turn him on. You must become a student of your husband’s sexual desires and turn-ons. He will probably be open to more creativity and variation than you. That’s OK…

8. Don’t let it get boring. Related to #7, if you don’t develop a creative, free and uninhibited sex life, it’s guaranteed that it’s only a matter of time that your husband will get bored sexually and temptations will enter in. Work hard to not let this happen…

9. Come to terms with questionable sexual practices. Where in scripture does it condemn oral sex? The answer is nowhere. Don’t take this writers word for it. The Christian books, Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, and The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner, have good studies on this. The truth is oral sex is an incredibly exciting and wonderful sexual practice that most married couples enjoy including Christians. If you have an aversion to it, fine. Neither be hard on yourself nor look down on others who don’t…

10. Buy a book or booklet on marriage, sex and sexual technique on occasion. One way to show your husband you are focusing on the one thing that looms largest in his mind regarding marriage is to buy books on sex occasionally. Don’t let him be the one to always buy such things. Don’t be afraid to buy a sexual technique book that is not explicitly Christian as long as it encourages faithful, monogamous sex…

11. Make your marriage truly your number one priority, apart from your relationship to God. Christian couples often get lazy about developing their marriage relationship…

12. Remember, you reap what you sow. If you sow a lazy attitude towards marriage and sex, you’ll reap a lousy marriage. If you sow a boring, predictable, same-old-thing sex life, you’ll reap a frustrated, inattentive husband. This works both ways. If your husband sows inattentive, unaffectionate, unhelpful and unromantic practices, he’ll reap a wife not interested in sex and his own frustrations. But what is your responsibility if your husband isn’t proactive? Isn’t it to love the husband unconditionally with the Lord’s help? In a perfect marriage, a husband and wife take equal steps toward each other to meet each others needs…

Entire Article Here

Posted: November 13th, 2007 under Christian Sex, Christian Wives.
Comments: 1