Last week, I received an email that truly caught my attention. Why? Because it was so expressive and fun. And, even more importantly…this guy obviously adores his wife and they appear to have a wonderful relationship.I wanted to share it with you all just so you could (vicariously) experience his enthusiasm for his wife.
He also has a few questions which I will answer after his email.
Hey Rob (or anyone else who may be reading this)
I have question that isn’t directly covered in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife that I wouldn’t mind getting your opinion on - it may even help for other men / couples.
I have a very healthy appetite for sex. I get hungry at least daily sometimes can go as long as 2 days and very occasionally (if I’m really sick) 3 days or more.
Now my wife struggles to keep up with me and I don’t like her to feel pressured to do so obviously that kind leave’s it up to me.
I find my wife extremely attractive and LOVE seeing her naked. At one stage I used to ask her (when she wasn’t interested in sex) if she wouldn’t mind me looking at her naked while I (you know). To be honest she wasn’t really that keen on the idea and I kind of felt like a bit of a pervert (for want of a better word). But because like most men I am extremely visually stimulated (I am an architect - everything I buy is bought with a heavy sense of visual priority -it’s not obsession - just a preference) anyway - so to avoid me falling into the trap of looking at pornography on the net etc looking for that extra high I asked my wife if I could take photos of her and use them when she was “out of action” or not in the mood. She wasn’t that fussed on the idea and she wasn’t sure if it was right to do but gave in to my gentle but persuasive pleas for help a few times.
I would like to do more (like sex - I like variety) but she’s worried that I’m too focused on her physical appearance than her emotional attractiveness - she’s worried that I see her as a sex object when I look at her photos - in fact she’s a little concerned that I find her so attractive (she’s not perfect - but I can guarantee you that her photos would be second to none in any magazine in the world) and that I want to have sex with her all the time. Surely I shouldn’t feel bad for finding my wife so attractive and desirable. I am by no means obsessed with her - I just happen to desire her daily.
At this point please let me clarify a couple of things - I would much rather have physical sex with my wife than mental sex. When I look at my wife’s pictures it brings an array of pleasurable thoughts including me imagining kissing her, I think of her inner beauty and why I love
her etc. We have a very close relationship by the way - it’s far from purely physical - we are best friends and have never had a fight in 15 years of marriage)
So anyway - my wife thinks it would be better if I could hold out until every time she is in the mood or when that time of the month is over which would probably only equate to about 4 or 5 times a month - sometimes less!!. To be honest that would kill me - I just couldn’t
survive. This way it takes the pressure of me and takes away any desires to look at other naked women and it also relieves any resentment that starts to build if she’s not in the mood. So basically my question is - do you think (provided my wife is willing) that it’s ok for me to take pictures and view my wife naked? Kind regards
Name Withheld
My responses…
As a man, you are the “rule,” not the “exception; most men have a very real, physiological need for sexual release EVERY 2 to 3 days. This is not a psychological or spiritual problem-it is a God-created, physical need!
Consequently, you touch on one of the most necessary “accommodations” that many Christian couples must make: How do they ensure that the frequency of their sexual interactions allow the husband to avoid frustration or temptation?
And, it seems as if you and your wife have not yet had this conversation or determined what “accommodations” you will be making.
Your basic question is, “Is it wrong to take pictures of my wife and “utilize” them for sexual gratification?”
The short answer is, “No.” We see nothing inherently wrong with taking sexy, naked pictures of your wife. We also see nothing, inherently, wrong with you “utilizing” them for sexual gratification. But, we would be more comfortable responding to your question if the issue was one of logistics. For example, you were a business man that traveled frequently and wanted to avoid the temptations of porn on the road, etc.
When, in fact, it appears as if you and your wife are actually together, under one roof, most of the time. So, the creation and use of these pictures, although not inherently wrong, may be used by both of you to avoid your “real” sexual obligations.
Once you have the option to turn to pictures of your wife (when the real, live version is available) for sexual gratification, you may choose that option more and romancing your wife less. If she feels that she has placated you with allowing the pictures, she may not feel obligated to do the work to “get in the mood” as often as she might otherwise.
So, in our opinion, if the purpose of the pictures is to “spice things up” or to get you through a particularly bad time (menstruation, etc..) then they are fine. Just don’t let them become a substitute for the real thing!
Oh, and congratulations on what appears to be a special relationship!
Posted: April 3rd, 2007 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage, Christians and Pornography, Christian Romance, Christians and Porn, Christians and Pornography.
Comments: 2
