I received the following email this week…
“Robert,
I just read over the promo for The Premature Ejaculation Master. I think the thing we need to be careful about is that it had content that referred to an unmarried sexual experience.
Since this is being posted on a Christian Sex Site, we need to be careful that we promote only God’s teaching on sex.
Thanks for your consideration…”
This email reminded me of two things:
1) I haven’t discussed premature ejaculation much lately (see below).
2) I may need to provide an explanation (warning?) to our readers and visitors regarding some of our recommendations.
As you probably know by now, this is a Christian Sex blog. Susan and I are committed to promoting the joys and benefits of sex within a Christian marriage.
But…
The Christian Sex world is very small. MOST of the best advice relative to technical issues (such as Premature Ejaculation) are not going to be found in specifically “Christian” resources. Consequently, outside of the books written specifically by Susan and I (Sex Skills For Christian Husbands, Sexual Satisfaction For Christian Wives, When Your Husband Is Never In The Mood), you might find some content that is not 100% consistent with your Christian and Scriptural principles.
We suggest that you benefit from the solid, valuable “technical” advice and ignore whatever may conflict with your convictions.
We do promise that NONE of our recommendations will ever be pornographic or “dirty” in any way- they just might not have a specifically Christian point of view in all aspects.
Ok, now that we have gotten that out of the way…
Premature Ejaculation is an issue that affects between 30% and 70% of men (at some point or another). A survey (The National Health and Social Life Survey) estimates the number to be solidly around 30%.
The good and bad news about Premature Ejaculation:
1) It can have a very negative impact on your married sex life (bad).
2) Most men can overcome this problem with (relative) ease if they are willing to involve their wife, learn a few techniques and “practice, practice, practice…” (good).
Below, I will give you a broad overview of strategies for overcoming premature ejaculation.
If you desire a more detailed set of techniques and strategies, you might consider a book like Christian Gudnason’s The Premature Ejaculation Master.
How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation…
1) Include your wife in the process.
By definition, premature ejaculation involves an inability to maintain sexual activity (with your wife) for a length of time that pleases both of you. And, since the basic solution to overcoming premature ejaculation is learning how to experience the pleasure and sensations of sex (with your wife) for a sufficient period of time, you need to practice “in the real world.”
It is very akin to something like bodybuilding or weight lifting. The only way that you can become bigger or stronger is by “progressive resistance”; over time, you train your muscles to lift heavier and heavier weights. With premature ejaculation, you are “training” yourself to progressively experience the pleasure of sexual activity for longer and longer periods of time (without ejaculation).
If you are not training “in the real world” (with your wife), you may not be making true progress.
2) Remove the pressure!
Until you have significantly overcome your premature ejaculation problem, be sure that you and your wife “re-arrange” your sex life to eliminate your need to satisfy her in a way that requires you to maintain an erection for long periods of time.
There are many ways that you can ensure that she is satisfied (manual stimulation, oral sex, etc.) without the need to make you feel pressured to “perform.”
The time that you do spend in intercourse or other activities that require you to delay your ejaculation should be SPECIFICALLY “training time” in which you are focusing exclusively how to progressively lengthen the amount of time that you can fully experience sexual pleasure sensations while under NO pressure to satisfy her (bring her to climax).
You can bring her to climax before or after your “training time.”
(If you always ejaculate with very little sexual excitement or foreplay, this may be a serious problem and you should consult a physician.)
3) You and your wife should learn and practice a technique such as Master and Johnston’s “squeeze-pause” technique:
-Your wife stimulates you ONLY until you are feeling TOO close to ejaculation.
-Then (with your leading) she should squeeze your penis firmly (just behind the glans and mostly under the penis) in a way that ratchets down your level of sexual excitement. Her “squeeze” should be slightly uncomfortable but not painful.
-You should practice the ability to do this technique up to ten times per session and until you begin to progressively lengthen the period of time before you feel that ejaculation is inevitable.
-In Sex Skills For Christian Husbands we discuss a technique called “The Mountain Climbing Technique” that teaches you how to associate your sense of sexual pleasure and rate it on a scale of 1-10. You then practice “knowing” when you are reaching an inevitable ejaculation (a 9 or 10) and progressively learn how to stay at higher and higher levels of excitement without actually ejaculating.
-After sufficient practice with the “squeeze technique,” you can then move onto progressively longer and longer periods of actual intercourse. Again, look at this as “training” and remove ANY pressure to please your wife!
4) Other things to try…
-Desensitizing cream.
-Masturbation 1-2 hours before intercourse. (This works best for younger men. This may work against older men).
-Some types of SSRI drugs (anti-depressants) have shown beneficial in delaying ejaculation. They are also sometimes the cause of some men’s inability to ejaculate.
For more detailed information, you might want to try Sex Skills For Christian Husbands or The Premature Ejaculation Master.
Posted: February 23rd, 2007 under Christian Marriage, Male Sexual Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation.
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