If you have been a regular visitor for any amount of time, you may have noticed that we have not posted new blog posts in a few weeks.

And, you also may have noticed that many of the links on this site were not working.

This is because we have been battling “blog spammers” that flood the site with hundreds of fake comments (generated by machines) that are simply advertisements for (mostly) porn sites.

I guess when you try to promote positive, Christian sexuality, some people aren’t thrilled.

But, we believe that we have solved the technical issues that needed to be addressed and we plan on resuming regular posting.

Also, all of the links should now be working again.

We sincerely apologize for this recent situation and appreciate your patience and (to those of you that emailed us about this) your concern and prayers.

Let us know if you find anything NOT working still.

-Robert

Posted: July 1st, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 2

I am putting the final touches on a new book that deals with, specifically, how Christian husbands can overcome issues with premature ejaculation.

If you are a husband that deals with this issue (or a wife of a husband that does), I would like to hear your story.

I want to ensure that the final book deals with ALL of the issues that concern you.

And, if you are dealing with this problem, I would like to send you (when the draft is ready) a draft copy of this book for your use and (potential) testimonials.

If you would like to have some input, before the book is completed, and you would like to be considered to receive a free draft copy to try, please send me an email at robert_irwin@comcast.net and let me know the following:

1) How has PE effected you and your marriage.

2) What would you MOST like to see/learn in a book about overcoming PE.

3) Are you open to trying the techniques in a new book and giving your feedback/testimonial?

Thanks for the help.

Posted: June 12th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 1

Joe Beam is one of the more visible advocates of passionate Christian sex within marriage.

Joe has been a very strong advocate for the ideas expressed in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife…that God intended sex within marriage to be exciting, frequent and relationship-building.

Posted: June 2nd, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

I found the article, titled “The Joy of Christian Sex,” by Sheila Wray Gregoire, this weekend.
Sheila is a Christian and the author of the book, “Honey, I Don’t Have A Headache.”

I occasionally stumble upon articles, videos and interviews with Sheila and I always enjoy her perspective.

She starts her article with the following…

It was barely a century ago when Lady Hillington, on the eve of her daughter’s nuptials, advised the young woman to “lie back and think of England”. Today, sex is no longer an unpleasant secret; indeed, it’s not a secret at all. We live in a culture that worships sex.

The church has responded to this attack on family values by manning the battle stations, arguing loudly against gay marriage, abortion, infidelity, and promiscuity. We say “no” so often that many outside the church—and perhaps even some inside—believe that Christians still revere Lady Hillington’s counsel.

Surveys, however, reveal otherwise…

Sheila’s article discusses her ideas of what “Christian sex” should be…

Christian Sex is Holistic

Christian Sex is Exclusive

Christian Sex is Fun

Christian Sex is Beautiful

She ends her article with the following conclusion:

Christian sex is something far more precious, and far more beautiful, than any counterfeit our culture offers. That’s why Christians report better sexual relationships, and why, despite the way we’re caricatured, we’re more likely to be the ones smiling.

I couldn’t agree more.

If you are ready to experience the joy of Christian sex, you can start with Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Posted: May 27th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex books.
Comments: none

Since this thread of posts has received so much feedback, I decided to continue it a bit.

The lady that initially started this thread with her email, has responded to the discussion thus far…

Dear Robert and Susan,

Thank you for posting my recent e-mail question.

I know and appreciate that my entire marriage is better then most, and this is probably why the challenges suddenly posted by menopause took such a strong toll on both of us.

I also appreciate the comment left by one of your readers. He pointed out that I was also selfish in more then one way. I realize that it most likely came as quite a shock to my husband when I gradually became less and less interested in sex, considering that for the first 20 years we were together, I loved sex.

I think in fact that he most likely saw my lack of interest as me rejected him. I actually feel really bad about this now because I think he actually removed his sexual needs out of respect for me. Which most likely in turn, as you said, just made him lazy. He will not and never has accepted “favors for his benefit only”. He insists on pleasuring me as well, most likely something else I should not be complaining about.

Menopause and the years leading up to it have some very strange effects that most people never talk about. In case any of your readers are ever faced with these problems, I will share some of them with you.

First of all most women know that your body does not respond the same to stimulation. You do not really ever think about sex or ever have any sort of desire for it. Your breasts, clitoris, and vagina become much less sensitive, so the initial stimulation of just being touched has little or no effect on your mental or physical ability to respond. Your body also does not lubricate, therefore without the use of Ky or another substitute, sex is dry and very painful. It can also cause little tears that will make you have a pink discharge either during or shortly after intercourse. There are alot of over the counter lubes, and KY just keeps coming out with more. The ones that heat up are great for guys, but they can be irritating to a female if they are used too often. The KY tingle is great for women and will help you feel or stimulate your G-spot better then anything I have ever used. I have not gotten a chance to try the new one by KY but hope to soon.

Another thing about the years leading into menopause, known as peri-menopause, is that your period becomes completely unpredictable. This is not only annoying just on terms of life in general, but it puts a really strange twist on your sex life.

My husband and I have always been really open with one another about everything. I was never embarrassed or uncomforable with him about my period and as five days in our twenties was a really long time, we did many times have sex during my period. We were both totally fine with this. However, it was something we both knew going in. Getting your period or bleeding during or shortly after sex when you did not expect it is something entirely different. I was very uncomfortable about this especially with regard to oral activity.

Trust me once you have had a close call with this, you do not want it to happen again. Without even realizing it, I just stopped letting him go down on me. This also meant that without realizing it, I rarely went there for him either. Interesting that he didn’t ask though, isn’t it.

Menopause and the challenges that come along with it tend to effect women’s self esteem and make a once open, uninhibited woman appear to be prudish or fridgid, when in fact this is most likely not really true. One of the other things that can happen is that even with alot of lube, deep penetration is really uncomforable if not painful. Again without even realizing it, I began to only move to positions where I could be in control of penetration. One of the comments my husband made to me as we began to try to address these issues was, “Sex is not very exciting anymore. We don’t have oral sex and you won’t even turn around anymore, what happened to you.”

My husband incorrectly assumed that my lack of interest and variety was me turning into a prude. I never told him about most of what I was going through because I didn’t really know or realize most of what I was doing.

Guys need to understand that we as women have no ability to predict when peri-menopause or menopause will strike and do not many times even realize that this is in deed what is happening to us. Think about how much your life would change as a male if you suddenly stopped producing testosterone and you started to lose everything that made you a man. This is what women face, we wake up one day and we are suddenly on the road to losing everything that physically, mentally, and emotionally makes you a woman.

There should be alot more information out there that prepares you for the sexual effects of menopause, because it is something that women tend to just endure alone. Menopause is something that every couple needs to work through together. Women need to be aware of what is happening to their bodies and talk about it, not ignore or hide it or pretend it isn’t happening. And men need to help us out by being supportive and loving and by helping us adapt.

Guys if your wife is going through menopause and you are checking out young chicks on the internet, you are killing her. You have to embrace her beauty as she ages and help ease her through the loss of her childbearing years, not let her see you admiring youth and fertility in another woman. That would be like if you were bald and she continuously blatantly check out guys with lots of flowing luscious waves of hair. Crushing isn’t it. No honestly, there are serious self esteem issues that go along with the loss of your ability to bear children even if you did not want any more. She need to know that you still find her sexually desirable and that you do still “want” her.

Anyway, Robert and Susan, you guys have a great site, I appreciate your books (Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife) and your response to my e-mail and know that through prayer, God will help my husband and I to grow together in love and to find healing in the misunderstanding and frustration of the separation of our sexual relationship.

Like you said, I probably have it way better then most already, but then again, why settle for less when you know with a little work, a ridiculously out of this world sexual relationship is within reach.

Oh, one more thing before I go, women in menopause can and should seek help to relieve their symptoms. There are alot of other drugs on the market these days many of which are natural and very effective.

God Bless You Both,

[removed]

Posted: May 22nd, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 1

Last week, I received the following email from a reader:

Hello Robert, I praise the Lord there is someone who can give advice for lovemaking in marriage.

I downloaded Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, but I need to know things for my husband’s enjoyment; I wanted to download Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

I have never been able to talk to anyone about this b/c they know my husband, but could you please tell me, IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM? (This is embarrassing, but so very important.)

My husband and I have been married for 27 years, but it makes me feel less of a woman when he wants me to touch him alot there.

This seems to arouse him more than anything else I do.

Please help me understand if this is normal, if I shouldn’t, or if I should, the best ways. I hope you’ll answer.

Thank you and GOD bless you for doing this and keeping it within boundaries to GOD’s glory.

Sincerely,

[removed]

First, an aside…

What other site will you find the phrases “God’s glory” and “IS IT NORMAL FOR A MAN TO WANT HIS WIFE TO STIMULATE HIS RECTUM?” in the same post? Very few. Come on…admit it…probably only this one!

Back to the question at hand…

First, I don’t like to play along with the “normal” designation. Relative to our sexuality, “normal” shouldn’t be a valid question to ask.

As long as a sexual desire/act does not fall into one of the obviously “prohibited” categories outlined in Scripture, there is no “normal.” One of the wonderful and cool things about our sexuality is how diverse are the possibilities…and needs and desire.

But, that said, it is not unusual for a man to desire anal stimulation.

This is because this area (particularly in men) is, anatomically, a very erogenous zone.

This fact that this area has been designed (by God) to be erogenous is simple…it contains many more “pleasure” receptors (nerve endings) than most other parts of the body.

And, this area contains the male version of the “G Spot,” the prostate.

Below is a diagram of this area…

The prostate is about the size of a walnut and is located just under the bladder, in front of the rectum.

The purpose of the prostate is to lubricate (add semen and other fluids) to the ejaculation process.

But, one of the other primary functions of the prostate is…pleasure.

The concentration of pleasure giving nerve endings surrounding the prostate make it the exact equivalent of the female “G Spot.”

Stimulating the prostate can double or triple the potential pleasure for a man, during sex.

Stimulating the prostate can also help to delay ejaculation!

How do you stimulate the prostate?

There are two basic ways:

1) Externally

You can stimulate the prostate externally by stimulating the area between your husband’s scrotum and anus.

2) Internally

The most effective way to stimulate your husband’s prostate is by directly massaging it.

Yes…this means inserting your finger (or something) into his anus to directly stimulate the prostate.

We discuss prostate stimulation techniques in Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband.

Whaaaaaaaaat?

Yes, if you really want to show your husband intense pleasure, you may want to consider “option 2!”

Why wouldn’t you want to?

1) You think it’s “gross.”

If you don’t like the idea of stimulating his prostate with your fingers, there are a variety of “toys” specifically designed for prostate stimulation. One of the best is called Aneros.

2) You think it’s “gay.”

Well, this is just silly.

I sometimes receive emails from people that think any (male or female) anal stimulation implies some hint of homosexuality. These people usually use logic like, “Gay people do that!”

Well…I hate to break it to ya…but gay people also hold hands, kiss and watch movies together.

The fact that homosexuals may (or may not) do something does not make it “gay.” Having sex with someone of the same sex makes it gay.

3) You think it’s wrong.

Anal play is NOT specifically prohibited ANYWHERE in Scripture.

Most of the Christian “experts” that rail against anal sex (of any sort) usually fall back on the argument that “its just not natural.”

Well…the fact that God PURPOSEFULLY created the female G spot and the male prostate and then surrounded them with a super high number of “pleasure/nerve endings” tells me that utilizing/stimulating these areas is pretty darn…”natural.”

If you think it’s unnatural to stimulate the prostate…you either believe that God created a specific pleasure spot…that you AREN’T supposed to use for pleasure…or that he made a mistake in design.

The male g spot (The “M spot”) is an area that you, as a couple, may want to explore.

Unless, of course, you have too much variety and pleasure in your sex life…and you don’t need any more.

Posted: May 13th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 2

I seem to have book marked a few Mark Driscoll Videos this week.

Mark is the founder and current “Preaching Pastor ” at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Mars Hill is considered one of the new “mega churches” and is unique in that, despite it’s ultra “hip” approach to presentation, its message is very “old school” conservative (can you say ‘Five Points of Calvinism?’).

Several times per month, they have a service in which Driscoll answers questions from the audience (sent via text message).

In the following video, Mark addresses the question, “Is it okay to read books about how to better pleasure my spouse?”

As you would imagine, its a question after my own heart…

In the video, Mark mentions several great resources for those looking for Christian sex advice.

Additionally (hint, hint), you may want to consider Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Enjoy…

Posted: May 6th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 1

We are proud to announce that we were chosen to be “Featured Publishers” in the TrialPay network.

TrialPay is one of the smartest ideas to hit the Internet since AChristianSexSite.com!

It is a NON SCAM, real way for you to get FREE stuff…just for doing what you are ALREADY doing.

You are probably already signing up for information/promotions or buying via the Internet…for the products/services that are important to you.

Now…you can get FREE products just for doing those same things through TrialPay!

Follow THIS LINK and register to view TrialPay’s offerings.

If you find something that interests you (it might be a FREE offer, as well), TrialPay will pay for your purchase of ANY of our books!

Just choose the book that you are interested in having, and click on the TrialPay button next to that book…the rest is quick and easy.

If you don’t find anything you are interested in, there is no further obligation.

Posted: April 11th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none

A few weeks ago, I put up a post regarding masturbation (here).I received more feedback on that post than most any other I can remember. And, as I mentioned before, it was almost 100% positive.

I received several emails from Christian Pastors and counselors asking permission to use the post in their work.

I don’t mention the above to brag (although it is not beyond me to do so). I mention it for two reasons:

1) I am thrilled that most of our readers must be inclined to be open minded about such things.
2) I don’t feel that my opinions on this topic are far from the Christian mainstream.

But, in the past week or so, I have started to receive emails that felt that my opinions on this topic may be leading my brothers and sisters “into sin.”

So, one more post on this topic…

Last night, I was finishing up my “John Adams” marathon. “John Adams” is the movie version of the recent best seller about one of the founders of our country, John Adams.

If you have not watched it yet, I highly recommend it.

One of the most interesting aspects of last night’s episode was watching how, from the very beginning, our country was divided into two basic “parties:” the “federalists” that felt that humans needed strict laws and a strong central government and the “republicans” that were more inclined to trust individuals and individual liberty. The federalists (John Adams) felt that without many rules, there would be anarchy. The republicans (Thomas Jefferson) trusted that humans were capable of good, without oppressive rules or government.

In their ways, both approaches were necessary and correct. But, our personal experiences and personalities would incline us to side with one or the other (Adams or Jefferson), emotionally.

Similarly, with a topic such as masturbation (and most other “sexually related subjects), Christians tend to fall into two general “parties,” (focus on rules/laws or focus on Christian liberty) based upon their experiences and personalities.

And, neither is inherently right or wrong.

But, I must admit that I would have sided with Jefferson. And, I usually focus more on Christian liberty than I do parsing “the rules.”

You need to know this about me to decide if, on some subjects, you want to take my opinions with a grain of salt.

That being said, in my post, I based my opinions regarding masturbation on what I feel are the “bottom line” issues: What does Scripture say about the matter? And, what do smarter theologians than me say about the topic?

But, not all of our brothers and sisters would base their approach to masturbation (or any other sexual issue) ONLY on my criteria.

Many of our readers are Catholic. They, additionally, would factor in what “The Church” has to say on sexual issues.

One of my best friends is Greek Orthodox. He would, additionally, factor in “tradition” and the writings of “The Church Fathers.”

In Romans 14, Paul talks about how we are to deal with “debatable” issues (issues that are not clearly spelled out in Scripture). Essentially, he says, “Try not to act in ways that will cause your brother to stumble (sin), but, also don’t pass judgment on your brothers and sisters if they are doing (debatable) things that you are not comfortable with.”

With masturbation (as well as most topics discussed in this blog), I try to take this approach…and suggest that you consider it, as well.

I would never encourage any of you to do anything that you feel “convicted” about doing (including masturbation).

But, I also would not condemn a fellow brother or sister for doing something that I, personally, feel is “off limits” to me.

With “debatable” issues, only God can judge and we should refrain from either causing our brothers and sisters to stumble…or weighing them down with our own “party” opinions.

Posted: April 9th, 2008 under Uncategorized, christian masturbation.
Comments: none

Last week, in our “Christian Marriage Secrets Newsletter,” I mentioned that we were putting the finishing touches on a ew book, “Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples,” a sexual games and ideas resource.

Soon after, we received several emails from readers that were “concerned” that we would be writing and offering such book.

These individuals felt that there was no place in Christian marriage for this type of resource.

So, before we officially start offering this new book (we are pre-launching this book with a special discount offer tomorrow, February 29th), I thought it would be appropriate to explain why we developed this resource and why we are very excited and proud to be offering it to our readers…

THOUSANDS OF READERS HAVE REQUESTED IT:

Most of our readers and web visitors were introduced to our ministry through our original sex guides, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

These guides are considered (by many…even outside of the Irwin family) to be the standard in basic sexual education for Christian couples.

In these guides, Christian husbands and wives can discover and explore the “technical” aspects necessary to creating a positive and mutually-satisfying sexual relationship.

Without this “technical” knowledge, it would be difficult for any couple to easily achieve sexual satisfaction. In these guides, we teach couples “how to ride the bike” of marital sexuality without frustration or hitting the curb (wow…really stretching that analogy!).

But, once you know how to “ride the bike,” without falling over, you want to know how to make bike riding enjoyable, fun and interesting…for a lifetime. Riding your bike in circles in your driveway might be fun…for awhile…but, sooner or later, most will want to venture out of the
driveway.

After our readers have mastered the basic, “technical” skills of great marital sex, they then start looking for ways to make their sex lives enjoyable, fun and interesting…for a lifetime. They (I’m not giving up on this analogy) want to know how to “pop wheelies” and how to make
their “married sex biking” more exciting (suggestion: put cards in the spokes to make it sound like a motorcycle).

So, we have received, literally, thousands of requests from Christian couples that are looking for ideas, tricks, tips, suggestions on how to “spice up” their sex lives…for the long term.

WE LIKE THIS PART OF OUR JOB:

Putting together this new book was a total joy for me and Susan.

As much as we enjoy helping couples to learn “the basics” and to overcome sexual problems and limitations, there is a special pleasure in helping other Christian couples to make their sex lives truly fun and exciting.

Creating and offering this type of resource is EXACTLY what our ministry is all about: offering tangible, creative and
REAL information that will help Christian couples to make the sex in their marriages a positive, relationship-bonding and strengthening experience.

This book does exactly that.

It is filled with hundreds of ideas for stoking the fire of your marriage’s sexual relationship.

THIS IS HOW SEX IN A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SHOULD BE:

C.S. Lewis wrote, in his book The Four Loves, “Sex that is too serious is deprived of the romp and fun that is essential to a healthy enjoyment of sex.”

Lewis Smedes, professor of theology at Fuller Seminary once said, “God made us body people. Bodies are meant to play and-we can add-to be played with.”

We titled this book “Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples” for a reason. We want to actively promote the “fun” and “playful” aspects of sex within Christian marriage.

If you have been one of our readers or visitors for any length of time, you know that one of our main goals is to destroy the dangerous and wrong notion that God intended sex to be anything less than this.

This book is a resource for sexual exploration.

What does it mean to be a sensual, yet holy, sexual explorer?

Our best Scriptural reference for sexual exploration is the Song of Solomon.

The Song of Solomon (SOS) is a beautiful and explicit description of the sexual relationship between Solomon and his new bride.

What does Scripture tell us about their journey of sexual exploration?

THEY WERE RESPONSIVE TO EACH OTHER’S SEXUAL NEEDS…

“Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!” (4:16)

THEY WERE ADVENTUROUS…

“Come my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see whether the vine hath budded, and its blossom is open, and the pomegranates are in the flower: there will I give thee my love.” (7:11-12)

THEY WERE UNINHIBITED…

She tells her husband exactly how to make love to her and dances provocatively for him.

“Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; Blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his precious fruits.” (2:6)

“How beautiful are thy feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter! Thy rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skilful workman. Thy body is like a round goblet, wherein no mingled wine is wanting: Thy waist is like a heap of wheat set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two fawns that are twins of a roe.” (7:1-3)

THEY WERE EXPRESSIVE…

They were not afraid to express their love and passion, verbally.

“My beloved is mine and I am his.” (2:16)

“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men.” (2:3)

THEY WERE SENSOUS…

“My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand…His head is as the most fine gold; His locks are bushy, and black as a raven… His eyes are like doves beside the water-brooks, Washed with milk, and fitly set… His cheeks are as a bed of spices, As banks of sweet herbs:
His lips are as lilies, dropping liquid myrrh… His hands are as rings of gold set with beryl: His body is as ivory work overlaid with sapphires… His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: His aspect is like Lebanon, excellent as the cedars…His mouth is most sweet; Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem…” (5:10-16)

As all of this physical, sensual activity is taking place, God Himself is in the room observing.

And, his verdict is one of approval. He states, emphatically, “Eat friends, drink and imbibe deeply, O Lovers!” (5:1)

Drs. Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, in their book, Intimate Allies, say, “A taste of God is found in sexual foreplay, heightened arousal, orgasm and quiescence.”

THEY WERE CREATIVE…

You need to look no further than SOS to find creative ideas for “spicing up” your sex life. Just follow it’s example.

They made creative use of fragrance.

“My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi.” (1:14)

They made creative use of words.

“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. Beloved…How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.” (1:15-16)

They made creative use of names.

“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” (2:3)

“You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain…

…Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard…

…nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest
spices…

…You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon.” (4:12-15)

They made creative use of dance.

“Come back, come back, O Shulammite; come back, come back, that we may gaze on you! Why would you gaze on the Shulammite as on the dance of Mahanaim?” (6:13)
“How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman’s hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.” (7:1-2)

Becoming a sexual explorer means that you have no fear about exploring all angles of your (and your spouse’s) sexuality.

“Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples” will be the resource that provides HUNDREDS of creative ideas, questions, scenarios and suggestions for bringing all of the above to your married sex life.

And, you can get your personal copy…and save $20.00 during our Pre-Launch Introduction Discount Offer!

If you want to make this coming weekend (or any weekend) especially exciting, this could be the perfect offer for you.

Just keep on eye on your inbox (and this blog) for tomorrow’s note detailing the offer…

Posted: February 28th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: none