Women, Is Your Lack Of Desire ‘Really’ A Dysfunction?
Dr. Joy Davidson is a certified sex expert, licensed marriage and family therapist, based in New York. She is one of the advisers on the Love And Health site.
She is a ’secular’ sex expert and we don’t endorse everything that she (or her site) promotes, but I find the majority of her advice to be very solid.
I find her comments in the following video (below) to be particularly important and relevant to our audience. It deals with the recent assumption that females with a less than nymphomaniacal desire for sex are…dysfunctional.
She is, specifically, addressing the fact that many in the health fields (read: Pharmaceutical companies) have a vested interest in making women feel ‘dysfunctional’ for having what, most likely, is a ‘normal’ level of sexual desire…given their age and situation.
The ‘pharmaceutical factor’ that has changed the landscape of sexuality has both negative and positive consequences.
Now that many (especially older) men can solve the ‘natural’ decline in sexual powers through the magic of drugs such as Viagra, there has been a (negative) pressure put on women to ’step it up’ and begin to perform, sexually, in a way that was never expected of women (of a ‘certain age’) before; there is an assumption that their (formerly) normal level of sexual desire is now…a dysfunction.
The positive consequence of this situation is that (some) focus has begun to be placed on the reasons for female lack of sexual desire.
Although the pharmaceutical companies hope that we buy into the idea that this ‘dysfunction’ can be solved via a ‘magic pill,’ many others are starting to focus on the real reasons for much lack of female desire…relational, emotional, physical (normal aging) and…the lack of technical skill of their husbands.
If you have been a reader of this blog for any amount of time, you know that we completely agree.
Most of the ’sex problems’ that we deal with here have NOTHING to do with sex; they are relationship problems. It is IMPOSSIBLE to expect a fully functioning and exciting and fulfilling sex life when the relationship has gaps or problems. Before expecting progress in the bed room, many couples will have to face the reality that their relationship is lacking and shore it up first. And, if the problems in the bedroom seem to originate with a lack of desire on the part of the woman, then you may need to explore WHY she doesn’t feel desire. Does she feel loved, supported, cared for, emotionally fed in all other areas?
Once the relationship is on solid ground, it is necessary that you explore the ‘technical’ aspects of your lovemaking.
In Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, we explore the ‘technical’ factors (and techniques) that are necessary for a woman to achieve physical satisfaction.
In Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband, we explore the ‘technical’ factors (and techniques) that the husband MUST understand to provide ‘a fighting chance’ for the woman to achieve sufficient satisfaction to allow natural desire to ‘kick in.’
If the relationship is positive and solid and you have addressed the ‘technical’ factors and (this is the important question) you both still feel that your overall lack of desire is less than you would like, then you MIGHT want to consider pharmaceutical approaches.
Dr. Davidson says…
Now, this is probably bad news for anybody who wants life to fit into neat categories, who prefers to see things in black and white rather than shades of grey. But for women who can accept that sexuality is as individual as personality, it’s good to know that there are millions of “normals” out there in the world, and that one of them has your name on it.
We agree.
Your ‘normal’ is a result of MUCH more than just physical factors. Your ‘normal,’ when you focus on the overall environment that surrounds your sexuality and desire can be wonderful…no matter the performance ’statistics’ you encounter.
Posted: June 3rd, 2008 under Christian Sex Advice, Female Sexual Dysfunction, Christian Wives, Christian Sex Videos, Christian Sex Therapy.
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