I wanted to give you a fourth of July weekend gift…a recommendation.

I just finished a book that I think you will find inspiring and valuable.

It is titled, “Just Do It,” by author Douglas Brown.

Douglas is a writer for The Denver Post.

After returning from a conference, he told his wife that he had learned that some of the men at the conference were part of “The 100 Day Club.” This “club” was a group of men that had NOT had sex for 100 days or more. The reasons for this lack of sex were different, but they were sharing the misery.

His wife thought that it might be a positive experiment to try the opposite tack…100 days of sex.

They did their experiment and the result was this book.

And this book is…really cool.

Although the book does detail (in some respect) their sex life, it is NOT graphic at all; it is, actually, fairly tame.

It is, ultimately, a love story. And, it is a real primer on the benefits of “real” married sex…not the “fake” kind of sex that you see in Hollywood movies or pornography.

At the end of their 100 day experiment, they were closer and more fulfilled.

If you have read either Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife, you know that we promote the idea that, sometimes, you have to “just do it.”

You don’t wait until all of the situations in your life (or marriage) are perfect.

You don’t wait until you both “feel like it.”

You just…DO IT.

And, once you are “doing it,” you experience the power of marital sex…and its ability to improve and heal your relationship.

You can find an excerpt from this book here.

And, you can watch an interview with the author and his wife in the video below.

Have a great “4th weekend.”

Posted: July 3rd, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, Christian Sex Videos, christian sex books.
Comments: 1

Our focus is sex within marriage.

Our books, Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife are intended to help married Christian couples to make their marriages and sex life everything that God intended.

But, occasionally, we get questions from Christians that are single (unmarried, divorced or widowed). They are struggling with how to reconcile their sexuality and their “singleness.”

For those people, we now have a new resource to recommend: Lauren Winner’s “Real Sex:The Naked Truth About Chastity.”

This book deals with Christian sexual ethics, specifically Chastity in an intelligent and clear way.

It also confronts many of our culture’s current assumptions about sex and sexuality.

Single Christians should find this book to be a valuable and important addition to their library.

Below is an review of the book found on Laura’s web site. It will give you a taste of what you will find in the book.

A review of Lauren Winner’s Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity

When Lauren Winner wrote about her conversion from Orthodox Judaism to Christianity in her 2003 memoir, Girl Meets God, her frank recognition of the complexities of newfound faith were unpredictable and charming. As she takes up the question of sex and chastity in her new book Real Sex, her candor is not only resonant, it is uniquely insightful. In what seems likely to emerge as a critical resource for any Christian seeking to pursue a coherent sexual ethic in a hyper-sexualized culture, Winner effectively redefines the scope of Christian sexual ethics to incorporate realities-as-they-really-are within the church. She emphasizes the profound relevance of Scripture and tradition as a remedy, while articulating a winsome, yet bold challenge for the Church to be less modest about its call to chastity.

It’s no surprise to anyone who watches television or shops at a mall that traditional sexual morality is on the decline. According to current statistics, about 65 percent of teenagers have sex before they finish high school and approximately 75 percent of adults have sex before they get married. What may come as a surprise, however, is how steep the decline is—not only within the culture, but also within the Church. In the 1990’s three separate surveys of single Christians showed only one-third of unmarried Christians are virgins. Likewise, of the students and young adults who signed abstinence pledges as part of religious sex-ed programs, 61 percent of students broke their pledge and of the 39 percent who kept it, 55 percent admitted to having oral sex, which they didn’t consider to be sex.

For some, these statistics supply more-than-justifiable grounds to rant about the weakened moral fabric of American culture. But for Winner, these statistics simply identify a growing need within the Church that faith, scripture, discipline and community are sufficient to address; she offers hope in what could otherwise be deemed a hopeless situation.

Central to her evenhanded call is a strong reliance on the truth that our bodies are good (as are our desires when rightly ordered) and that Scripture offers a much more coherent and comprehensive sexual ethic than is typically communicated in classic virginity-centric models of ministry. As she puts it,

To organize one’s Christian sexual ethics around virginity is to turn sexual purity and sexual sin into a light switch you can flip—one day you’re sexually righteous, and the next day, after illicit loss of your virginity, you’re a sinner.

This is not to suggest that Winner thinks pre-marital virginity is unimportant. Rather she refuses to indulge the slippery slope, how-far-is-too-far question, pushing the reader to explore and consider the depth and richness of God’s full story of creation, wholeness and redemption. She rejects what German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer might call the “cheap grace” approach to sexual ethics and insists on painting a much more brilliant—and challenging—picture of what the chaste life both requires and rewards.

Foundational to each of her assertions is the conviction that our decisions and behavior shape us, especially when it comes to how we use our bodies. As Winner summarizes it,

The choices we make every day—where we shop, what we do with our bodies, how we pass our time—form us. They shape the type of Christians we become. What we do matters, not because good behavior gets us into heaven, but because behavior, good and bad, creates certain expectations in us, teaches us certain lessons.

She reiterates this theme throughout the book, and near the end says, “Sexual sin forms us. It teaches us false lessons about what sex is, lessons that are not easily unlearned. But sexual sin is something we can repent of. It is something God forgives.”

Repentance, forgiveness and redemption are critical pieces of this puzzle, Winner argues, not only because they are part of how we learn and grow as Christians, but also because she takes current statistics seriously. She knows she is writing, most likely, to non-virgin Christians—unmarried, non-virgin Christians to be exact. And, for anyone who has “fallen off the wagon” so to speak, and read ad nauseum about the how-tos of Christian purity, her realistic treatment of sexual sin as common and forgivable is probably one of the most profound and refreshing parts of her book. As she acknowledges,

Sometimes adopting chastity is as simple as reading a book like this one, or attending a lecture, and then making a change in your life. But for many of us, it is the relearning of a basic story. It requires, prayer teaching, work, reformation, even weeping. It requires that we tell each other the story of the gospel, and the narrative of chastity, over and over and over.

Her willingness to share her own experiences as a (sexual) sinner in need of grace brings an authenticity that is often hard to come by in Christian books about sex. She has wrestled with sexual temptation, engaged in premarital sex prior to meeting her husband, struggled with Church teaching, and bought into deceptions and lies about sex. And yet, she has pursued an affirmative ethic that is big enough to hold all of that sin and confusion and still offer a hope for purity. “As the church,” she says, “we need to ask whether the starting point for a scriptural witness on sex is the isolated quotation of “thou shalt not”, or whether a scriptural ethic of sex begins instead with the totality of the Bible, the narrative of God’s redeeming love and humanity’s attempt to reflect that through our institutions and practices.” Again, she is speaking as one who has walked through the fire and doesn’t take its flames lightly, yet her own sanctification has borne a compassion for those who face the same struggle ahead of them.

Finally, she is wise to supplement her substantive critique of the Church with equally substantive, practical recommendations for how to navigate the realities of sexual sin and the road of redemption. She offers useful tools that provide a tangible way to pursue chastity in real life. She emphasizes developing chastity as a spiritual discipline, recognizing, “it is not only a state—the state of being chaste—but a disciplined, active undertaking that we do as part of the Body [of Christ].” Revealing her candid spirit, she frankly notes the practical aim of this disciplined approach is because “Speaking of spiritual discipline seems to elevate chastity from gritting-my-teeth-and-stonily-avoiding-sex to something lofty, noble and spiritual.” It is self-gratifying in its own way.

Winner also emphasizes the role of the church community in helping to guide unmarried Christians in the challenging call to chastity. Calling for young and old, single and married to come together and “be the church” on this issue is critical, “A community working toward chastity is not captive to euphemism, dissembling, and pretense, but is a place where sin can be spoken of freely, with contrition but without fear.” She talks about setting wise physical limits during dating but does so with a balanced perspective that allows for discernment with the help of community. She also stresses the importance of prayer, repentance and accountability with other believers. She has great faith the Church is equipped to address the pervasive misunderstandings and deceptions about sexual sin, she simply wants to see the Church apply it in a foundational, deeply biblical way.

Ultimately the genius in Real Sex is precisely that it puts forth something real. Sex is a real struggle for single Christians. In scripture and tradition the Church has tools at its disposal that offer real solutions. Winner’s bright and persuasive perspective suggests it is time for all Christians to be sincere and realistic about pursuing chastity as God intends.

Posted: June 10th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex education.
Comments: 1

I found the article, titled “The Joy of Christian Sex,” by Sheila Wray Gregoire, this weekend.
Sheila is a Christian and the author of the book, “Honey, I Don’t Have A Headache.”

I occasionally stumble upon articles, videos and interviews with Sheila and I always enjoy her perspective.

She starts her article with the following…

It was barely a century ago when Lady Hillington, on the eve of her daughter’s nuptials, advised the young woman to “lie back and think of England”. Today, sex is no longer an unpleasant secret; indeed, it’s not a secret at all. We live in a culture that worships sex.

The church has responded to this attack on family values by manning the battle stations, arguing loudly against gay marriage, abortion, infidelity, and promiscuity. We say “no” so often that many outside the church—and perhaps even some inside—believe that Christians still revere Lady Hillington’s counsel.

Surveys, however, reveal otherwise…

Sheila’s article discusses her ideas of what “Christian sex” should be…

Christian Sex is Holistic

Christian Sex is Exclusive

Christian Sex is Fun

Christian Sex is Beautiful

She ends her article with the following conclusion:

Christian sex is something far more precious, and far more beautiful, than any counterfeit our culture offers. That’s why Christians report better sexual relationships, and why, despite the way we’re caricatured, we’re more likely to be the ones smiling.

I couldn’t agree more.

If you are ready to experience the joy of Christian sex, you can start with Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband or Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Posted: May 27th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex books.
Comments: none

Yesterday’s post must have touched a nerve…

It created a more than usual number of responses and emails.

Two responses stood out for me.

So, I decided to post them and hope that they will spark even more feedback from you.

Make comments (please) and I will do a follow up post (including your feedback).

You DO NOT need to register to make comments on this blog. Just fill out the comment form.

One from a husband’s perspective…

What I am able to say may sound harsh, but I hope it will be helpful to all of us. While I agree with you that feeling “betrayed” may be a little over the top; however, I am sure the writer does feel strongly about it.

While I sympathize with the writer, and agreed that there is a level of selfishness on the husband’s part, the wife was just as selfish. When the wife’s sexual desires reduced (at menopause), and the husband turned solo, the wife “sort of just never gave it much thought…” After being on hormone therapy, she “figured as soon as I was back in the game, that my husband would just jump right on board too.” Her feelings, thoughts, and actions, before and after the hormone therapy showed her own selfishness. She has subjugated her husband’s sexual desires to her own. When her desire was low, and the husband was on his own, she didn’t complaint. However, when her own desires are back, he should be ready to jump in. While this is an excellent attitude for the husband to develop, it is a selfish expectation on the wife’s part.

Besides having a proper attitude, it takes time to adjust. Just like any activities in our lives, a couple will most likely have different levels of desires. I love playing racquetball, and my wife doesn’t. I played with a few guys once or twice a week. While I will not win any medal, I am not a novice either. If my wife wants to play with me now, it will be hugely frustrating to the both of us. If playing racquetball together is important, then we will have to make some adjustments to bring our levels closer. It may mean she has to take some lessons and practice more, etc…

Most activities can be shared with our spouses, with others, or with ourselves (these three ways are not mutually exclusive). The issue with sex is that it is not an activity that we should share outside our marriages. Therefore, when one spouse has a lower level of desire, the other spouse will either have to satisfy self or reduce their desires. And once the desire has been satisfied (solo) or reduced, it is not easily switched. It is like a rock rolling down a hill. Once it gets going, it will not stop in the middle of the hill. If you want to push it back up the hill, you have to first stop it (lots of work), and then push it back up (even more work).

Whether it is because of health, emotions, lifestyle, or personality, when a couple’s sexual desire levels do not match, a lot of work has to be done. It is in the areas of “unmatch” that we learn how to “love.” Remember, “love” is other focused.

I struggle with learning to be other focused, too. My wife has a much lower desire for sex, and she believes she has many legitimate reasons. Whether those reasons are legitimate or not, the end result is the same: my desire level is higher than hers. I learn to reduce my sexual desires by channeling the energy to other non-sexual activities. I masturbate to satisfy myself, and am prepared to satisfy her needs when they arise.

I have spoken to her about my stronger sexual desire and my preference to have “couple sex;” however, she has not made any lasting adjustments. Now, like the “breakfast game,” I, too can play “games” to get my way. But my first priority is not to “get my way,” but to “love her just the way she is.” She is an imperfect sinner, and will always be one (me, too). My responsibility is not to change her into my liking, but change myself to be more Christ-like.

Genuine, heartfelt, mature communication will always improve and strength a marriage. But even the best communication does not guarantee things will go our ways. As the couple above adjusts to this new stage of their lives, I pray that their sexual connections will draw them ever tighter together. God bless.

One from a wife’s perspective…

My husband and I will be married 31 years on June 12th. At the time we married, BOTH of us were used to doing “solo sex” whenever the urges occurred. He is a not a morning person and has a hard time waking up and getting out the door on time when he has to go to work and likes to sleep in when he doesn’t have to go out. I am an early riser whether I have somewhere to go or not and am more likely to go to bed early than sleep in unless I am sick.

His complaint to me at bedtime was usually “You take too long and I need to just get my release and go to sleep.” I finally convinced him as a newlywed that I would prefer for him to just do a “quickie” and either go to sleep without getting a release myself or finishing myself up
with “solo sex” after his needs were met than being left out completely.

I always wound up not sleeping well after watching him leave me out completely. If the husband is leaving the wife out because of the
timing issue…what we did worked well. My husband got used to coming to me eventually to always rely on me to meet his needs even when I was sleepy. I have always made myself available whenever he was in need of attention.

The pornography isn’t a problem any more. I knew about the pornography before we were married and promised to help him get over it and he has. He has never had a problem with my “solo sex” when he isn’t up to it or is out of town and helps me out when he can.

We have achieved advanced level responses in both of us too.

Posted: May 20th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Marriage.
Comments: 3

Yesterday, I received an email that addressed themes that I see quite a bit in emails from other readers.

I hoped that replying to this email through this post would be helpful to many of you, as well as the writer.

Dear Robert and Susan,

I recently purchased your e-books. (Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife). I found them very helpful…

My husband has always satisfied me, quite often to the point of fully ejaculatory orgasms. The difference between vaginal orgasms and clitoral orgasms is exactly as you described… I have also always stimulated my husband’s “G” spot and he has great control, but has never achieved orgasm without ejaculation, although he has been very close. Something to work on…

We have a great relationship and truly enjoy one another, except for one thing. A couple of years ago, I went into menopause and pretty much lost interest in sex and the ability to enjoy it. During this time, my husband turned to frequent solo activity and the internet. I was aware of it, though we never spoke of it and it didn’t bother me that much. He never mentioned that he missed sex with me ( we still did it once every three or four weeks) and so I sort of just never gave it much thought…

Last year I went on hormone therapy and my sex drive went through the roof. I figured as soon as I was back in the game, that my husband would just jump right on board too. That did not happen, and I found it devastating as well as insulting. Especially since he told me that he preferred solo sex as it was more stimulating and exciting to him at this point in his life. He also told me that he would enjoy cuddling and affection with me, much more then sex with me. This was and remains quite difficult in terms of my self esteem. It is also very hard to swallow considering that I am the same size I was 25 years ago when we started dating in high school.(A size 2) I have always taken pride in my body and my appearance and have worked hard at not ever letting myself go.

Nine months later, he has started to come around and it appears that he now prefers real sex to solo sex. He is not on the internet much anymore, but he does still hit the shower alone. This continues to bother me, not only because it makes me feel inadequate and rejected, but also because he says once a week or occasionally twice, is enough for him.

I keep praying and trying to turn this over to God, but I cannot seem to get past the fact that I continue to feel betrayed. I fear that he will never find total satisfaction in me no matter how good our relationship and sex life is. I feel kind of hopeless, and yet feel bad for being dissatisfied as he is so good to me in every other way…

I think what I am going through is similar to surviving an affair and hinges on rebuilding trust. There are no articles or advice however on this subject.

How do I stop questioning his actions and sincerity?

And how do I stop questioning myself and his level of attraction to me?

Thank you for any help you can offer.

In Christ,

[removed]

I liked this email because it demonstrates…reeks actually…of REAL LIFE!

I think you should be happy that you seem to have quite a few (more than most) strengths and accomplishments to build upon.

a) When you have sex, you both appear to be open, uninhibited and pleasure seeking. You are describing “advanced” level activities that some couples NEVER achieve.

b) Your communication skills are strong. Do you have any idea how unusual it is that your husband felt comfortable telling you that he preferred “solo sex” to “real sex?” [the scary ridiculous nature of the statement we will address below…]

c) Your “overall” approach to sex is mature and “open.” The fact that you knew/know about his masturbation habits…and did not feel the need to throw a tantrum [despite your misgivings] tells me that you are not coming from an overly emotional place…as regards sex.

Before you get too worried about your situation, you should reflect on your blessings.

That said…

Sex with your spouse IS the best and only way to achieve ULTIMATE sexual pleasure and satisfaction. But (as most of us have discovered…ummm…accidentally) “solo sex” has its benefits: it’s quicker, faster and doesn’t require you to shower or brush your teeth.

In my experience (and those we coach), when one spouse “prefers” “solo sex,” it is not necessarily because they are “rejecting” their spouse; they are simply being lazy and selfish.

I was interrupted by Sue while typing this email with the following question, “Bob, are you dying to make breakfast right now?”

This question is the result of a longstanding battle between us, relative to who makes breakfast each morning.

I, usually, win this battle because I don’t get REALLY hungry till around noon. Sue gets hungry soon after waking.

So, most mornings, I get the pleasure of her making breakfast for both of us and simply having to say, “Thanks, Honey!”

I know (don’t tell her) that I am being lazy and selfish (most mornings) by playing this “game.”

I know that if I wait long enough, she will probably make breakfast and just bring mine to my desk.

Does this mean I don’t love and care for her?

Nope.

I do (more than most husbands, I think) quite a bit of the “household chores.” I will do the dishes and the laundry (without prompting, thank you!) very often. I will cook dinner and lunch many days.

But, I really HATE having to take those five minutes, each morning, that are dedicated to frying four eggs and serving them.

So, I play this game…EVERY morning!

Now…if she calls my bluff with a question like the one above, I will usually say something like, “Yes, Dear. I was just thinking about how excited I am to make breakfast today!”

Now, this (as all husbands know) is a tricky thing.

If I just say the sarcastic thing…and sit there…I’m in trouble. She will leap towards the kitchen, angry with me.

But, if I am smart enough to say the sarcastic thing…while moving in the direction of the kitchen…I can get away with the sarcasm…and she knows she won this particular “battle.”

What the heck does this have to do with sex (or ANYTHING, you may be asking yourself)?

The marriage relationship is a crucible that CONSTANTLY challenges us to balance our personal needs with those of our spouse.

And sex is, by far, one of the most (potentially) important areas in which we must do this.

But…sex is still an area that can fall under very simple lazy and selfish/ motivated and unselfish categories.

The simple fact that you (or your spouse), sometimes, falls into the former category…does not necessarily have to set off “the relationship alarm bells.”

I think that, given your apparent strength in so many other areas, your use of the term, “betrayed” may be a bit overly emotional and negative.

It is a beautiful thing that your husband feels comfortable telling you that “solo sex” is more exciting than “real sex.” But, you should have the same comfort level telling him that you have never heard anything so ridiculous and selfish in your entire life…with a smile of course!

The real issue is not that he, sometimes chooses selfish instead of selfless.

The real question is do you two have the ability to communicate and work through the situation?

Of course, if he is participating in “solo sex” with the use of pornography, there is an additional moral aspect to the situation you need to work through.

But, the real “test” is your ability “as a couple” to demonstrate your willingess to be “selfless” as well as selfish.

As his wife, you have EVERY right to DEMAND that he discuss this situation with you…that he knows and hears (and understands) your feelings regarding his “habits.”

And, my guess, based upon your email, is that you have a strong enough relationship to create some “game plans” and “relationship rules” that you both are comfortable with…and, most likely, involve more “real sex” and less “solo sex.”

Posted: May 19th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 3

This past week, there was an interesting thread in our Christian Marriage Forum.

One of the women in the forum was raving (well, actually her husband was raving) about a sexual technique that we detail in Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

With the weekend approaching fast, it might be a cool technique that you want to try!

One of the primary ways for a female to DRAMATICALLY increase her sexual pleasure, responsiveness and satisfaction is by exercising and developing her “PC muscle” (pubococcygeus muscle).

These exercises are sometimes referred to as “kegels.”

Increasing the strength of the female PC muscle provides a multitude of POWERFUL sexual results. But, one of the side benefits is that it gives a woman the ability to “squeeze” and “pull” on her husband’s penis, during intercourse.

This can create an UNBELIEVABLY PLEASURABLE sensation for both husband and wife.

If your PC muscle is already strong, try this when you get a chance.

When your husband is inside of you, ask him to stay relatively still and utilize your vaginal walls (and PC muscle) to squeeze, massage and pull on your husband’s penis.

I guarantee he will be thrilled.

If your PC muscles are not quite so strong (happens much after child birth), then you should consider doing PC muscle exercises (as outlined in SSCW) so that you can try this fun activity.

Posted: May 15th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, christian sex education.
Comments: none

This week, a new Walgreens opened in our town.

I wasn’t really certain why we needed a 24 hour pharmacy, but after one of our first purchases there, I am a Walgreens fan.

We were there simply to check out the new store opening. But, while there, we spotted a new product from Johnson and Johnson’s KY brand…

“Yours And Mine.”

KY has recently introduced several new “intimacy” products, but NONE as cool and fun as this one.

This product is genius.

It is one of those few “intimacy” products that in both packaging and effect is a “home run.”

It perfectly captures the spirit of what we are trying to promote on this site and in, especially, our latest books, Sexual Fun And Games For Christian Couples and Tastefully Illustrated Sexual Positions For Christian Couples…sensuality with a sense of fun and excitement.

“Yours and Mine” is a set of two different “intimate lubricants; one for her and one for him.

Each lubricant is in it’s own colored container.

Each lubricant gives a different sensation when it touches skin.

The lettering on the containers glows in the dark.

And, even better…

When the two lubricants are “mixed together” (you figure out the best way to do this!), they create a third, and different, joint sensation!

This product is cool, fun and cheap (less than $20.00) and will provide you and your spouse with many nights of play.

Below is the press release for the product and a video about it. There is a cute little commercial for the product at the end of the video, as well.

K-Y® BRAND YOURS+MINE™
THE FIRST “HIS + HER” INTIMACY PRODUCT FOR COUPLES!
ANOTHER “GLOWING” BREAKTHROUGH PRODUCT FROM THE K-Y® BRAND

Skillman, New Jersey (4/28/08) /PRNewswire/ – Today the leader in healthy intimacy, the K-Y® Brand, announced the first intimacy enhancing product for couples — K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™. Knowing it takes two to create a magical encounter, YOURS+MINE™ offers two lubricants with different sensations. One is invigorating for him, the other thrilling for her and together they add up to a totally new experience. Looking to add even more fun? Expose the tubes to light during the day and the words on the vials will glow in the dark, making his “Yours” and her “Mine” easy to find.

“K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ was developed for couples to experience and enjoy together” explains Daniel Weiss, Group Product Director of Personal Care Products. “Through our ongoing conversations with consumers, we have found that couples are consistently looking for ways to enhance their time together. We recognize that it is not just about one partner or the other — it is about the couple.”

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ serves as a catalyst for creating emotional and physical connections between partners because it provides a unique and fun new way for couples to communicate on an intimate level. Both partners will be curious to know what the other is experiencing, providing the perfect scenario for communication.

YOURS+MINE™ is another innovation by K-Y® Brand designed to enhance intimacy between couples. The brand continues to bring innovation to the intimacy market because the importance of touch extends far beyond the bedroom — recent research suggests that couples who have more frequent and more fulfilling intimacy also report having stronger emotional relationships overall. In addition, studies are showing that men and women with satisfying intimate relations report better physical and mental health.

Different Kind of Product, A Different Kind of Look
To reflect the innovative concept behind K-Y® Brand’s dual lubricants, YOURS+MINE™ is encased in modern, sleek packaging. Two separate test tubes house the lubricants: electric blue for him, vibrant purple for her. Both are capped off with easy to dispense tops and housed in a lustrous black box – with silver accents.

K-Y® Brand YOURS+MINE™ is available now at drug, food and mass retailers. The suggested retail price is $19.99 for two test tube vials, each 1.5 fl oz.

Go Walgreens and KY!

Posted: May 8th, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Sex Toys.
Comments: none

I seem to have book marked a few Mark Driscoll Videos this week.

Mark is the founder and current “Preaching Pastor ” at Mars Hill Church in Seattle.

Mars Hill is considered one of the new “mega churches” and is unique in that, despite it’s ultra “hip” approach to presentation, its message is very “old school” conservative (can you say ‘Five Points of Calvinism?’).

Several times per month, they have a service in which Driscoll answers questions from the audience (sent via text message).

In the following video, Mark addresses the question, “Is it okay to read books about how to better pleasure my spouse?”

As you would imagine, its a question after my own heart…

In the video, Mark mentions several great resources for those looking for Christian sex advice.

Additionally (hint, hint), you may want to consider Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For The Christian Wife.

Enjoy…

Posted: May 6th, 2008 under Uncategorized, Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: 1

Yesterday, I received the following email.

Since this email (and my response) deals with questions that we receive quite often, I thought that the exchange might be helpful to many of you…

Dear Robert,

I just purchased & downloaded your “Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband”. I looked through the book, just to get a cursory idea of the content. I found so much of what you wrote, right on target.

I am a 55 year old woman… I began going through menopause around 49-50 and have been on estrogen therapy since. I had my uterus (only) removed when I was 36. About a 10 months ago I decided that I didn’t want to take the estrogen pills (Premarin) any longer. I have always been more on the “dry” side lubrication-wise, but with the onset of menopause I found that sex became increasingly more painful, and that I was being rubbed “raw”, due to the thinning of vaginal tissue, (even with KY lubrication) with pink tinged fluid afterwards. I am way too young still, to give up on having a wonderful & satisfying sex life with my husband. So my doctor recommended that I begin using “Estring” instead for estrogen hormone therapy, which I have done. I have found that the direct release of estrogen in the vagina has vastly improved my vaginal tissue, and my ability to feel pleasure again during sex. It is inserted and pops into place just past the pubic bone, (if you’re familiar with the birth control ring, it works on the same principle).

My questions are…

1) I would really like to try achieving sexual pleasure by G-spot stimulation (as well as improved clitoral stimulation too), but am wondering if having the ring in place will prevent or hinder accessing my G-spot?

2) I am somewhat hesitant in giving your book to my husband, because I don’t want to make him feel inadequate, (he can sometimes be quite sensitive about it). Our sex life, after 20 years, is in need of a major tune-up. Between careers, kids, families, etc., time had become an ever-elusive commodity. And for about the last 5 years or more, most of our lovemaking from foreplay to his ejaculation, lasts anywhere from 5 – 8 minutes.

The part about improperly stimulating your woman made me laugh… because it was describing us to a ‘T’. Even though I have made a point of trying to gently show or tell him what feels good, it hasn’t helped. The funny thing is, he used to know how, and very well as a matter of fact. Any suggestions on how I can bring this up now without ‘offending’ him?

Well that was more than I intended to inquire about, ha ha. I appreciate your reading my email and I hope that you will be able to reply at your earliest convenience.

Thanks for your time,
Diana

Diana,

Whether the ring will affect your ability to reach your G spot depends upon your individual anatomy.

This video (Not Safe For Work) will give you a better idea of where your G Spot is located and the best way to stimulate it.

Most husbands care (very much) if they are properly pleasing their wives in bed.

Sometimes, it is necessary to be as blunt as possible (when all else fails)…”Honey, that is NOT working. Can you try this, please?”

This bluntness, coupled with a willingness to “work together” toward your pleasure will usually achieve wonders.

Robert

Posted: April 23rd, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice.
Comments: none

Last week, we received a letter from one of our readers that described a miraculous change in his married sex life.

For those of you still struggling, I thought you might find a glimmer of hope in this letter.

Like many of the success stories that we receive, there are familiar themes:

1) An initial desperation bordering on loss of hope that their married sex life will ever improve.

2) A faith that God DOES care about (even) their married sex life.

3) A patient and respectful attitude toward their spouse.

4) A surprised and overwhelmingly grateful feeling when a miracle finally happens.

Pray for us this evening. We have really been struggling sexually but, since reading Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband and Sexual Satisfaction For the Christian Wife, my wife claims she has finally seen the light. I got one of those “romantic overnights” at [a nice hotel in the city] for us tonight - yes tonight (Monday). I am taking off tomorrow morning.

I am ready to be her lover and she is ready to be my lover again - just like we were in the beginning but older, wiser and with a deeper of the love of the Lord Jesus Christ through the gift you and Susan have given us because of your faithfulness to the Him.

Amen Amen Amen. We will take it slow and easy.

David,

Thanks for the nice email.

Our prayers are with you tonight.

But, don’t forget…you have many more nights ahead…don’t put too much pressure on either of you.

Robert

We had a lovely, soft, gentle romantic evening. We both had the very best time we have had together in a long time. She was free and open and I was patient, loving and warm. This morning she said she wants to make love to me just like that for 30 straight days just to make sure we make a habit of pouring out our love for each other regularly (I almost fell out of bed). Now that is a good Christian work ethic - hahahahahhahaha.

I have really developed my pc muscle and she said she could feel like I have grow a couple of inches (width and length) - she was below the base of my p*nis - she was gently massaging it with the outer rim of her v**ina way deep and I stayed real still and perfectly hard but just pushed against her ever so gently in half circles with her until she came.

On me, she was at a place that has never been touched before and I felt those non-ejaculatory o’s and when I finally did have a wet one (when she asked me too) it was nearly insane. It has been hours since we left the hotel and I can still feel a warm soothing glow…

…Praise God from whom all blessing flow. When I prayed with her before we left this morning, she cried and said how much she missed me. I have always been there for her but Susan’ book rekindled her “want” of her man who loves her deeply and you have showed me the way to love my wife the way she needs to be loved.

Dave

Posted: April 21st, 2008 under Christian Sex, Christian Sex Advice, Christian Marriage, christian sex books, Christian Husbands.
Comments: none